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Woman leaves husband of 5 years after MIL kisses their 3 week old. AITA? SHOCKING UPDATES.

Woman leaves husband of 5 years after MIL kisses their 3 week old. AITA? SHOCKING UPDATES.

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When this mom feels like she's been completely violated by her MIL, she asks Reddit:

"MIL ignored my wishes and kissed my child and now I'm leaving my husband. AITA?"

I (34Female) met my husband (36Male) have been married to my husband for 5 years. It has been wonderful. Aside from my MIL.

She's always had this emotional incest hold over him and while he does try to come to my defense when she starts her nit picking and sly comments, a lot of the time he drops the ball.

Like when it was our 3 year anniversary and she came over knowing that I prepared all of this (I asked her for his favorite chicken recipe) and ruined the night and he said Just let her stay. This time I'm done.

We Just had our baby boy 3... Yes THREE weeks ago and as you can imagine I am not in the space for company or her flippant comments about how I'm parenting.

Myself and my husband have both told her we need at least 2 months to get acclimated and we don't want our son to get sick and she will have to quarantine for at least a week before she can come over to see him.

That may be a little much but he's my first baby. After a week of badgering she seemed like she understood. She assured him.

This leads me to Friday. She comes over unannounced with balloons, presents, along with my SIL, BIL, and her two friends who I don't even know. I stood there in horror and shock as she darted towards my baby and kissed his face.

She knew he was leaving the second he's gone she does this?! I screamed at her and the family to get the hell out of my house.

She called my husband crying and he got back yesterday and told ME that I needed to apologize and she's Just happy for the first boy grandchild.

I'm actually crying while writing this because now he has a fever and my husband Just doesn't get it. This is the last straw. I told him he needs to tell her to back off or I'm done.

He said I was overreacting and she was Just excited. His siblings DID NOT know I didn't give her permission and they called and apologized profusely. His mother feels like she's being ganged up on.

Yesterday I talked to him and I have come to the realization that I care so much about my baby getting sick but HE doesn't... I'm closing this chapter. I met with a good friend who is a lawyer and I'm getting all my ducks in order.

My husband is calling and blowing up my phone. I blocked his mother because she was too. I can't block him because he is the father of our child and he does have rights to see his son but I am done.

He no longer has access to me, he'll have to go through a mediator and only communication will be about our child. I'm heartbroken that 5 years are gone but the fire inside of me from this situation is making it better. AITA?

Before we provide you with OP's major updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

gladdrags writes:

My SIL came to visit me in hospital when I had my daughter many moons ago. She had a cold and was sneezing all over the place and looked feverish. My instincts told me to ask her to leave, but I was too busy thinking about her feelings and not causing a scene.

The next Next few days, my newborn baby developed an infection she could shake for 2 weeks. She had to be given antibiotics. I learnt that when it comes to kids, they come 1st. Not the feelings of pushy adults.

Dealing with overbearing in-laws can be exhausting. Your MIL didn't obey your requests and brought over strangers to meet the baby. You have every right to be upset. Your husband needs to cut the apron strings and grow up. Otherwise, every relationship he has will ultimately be damaged by her hold on him.

The issue you'll now have is when you MIL has access to your son when you're not there. E.g, if he has dietary requirements, will she adhere to them? You need to make it very clear to your husband that when he has the baby, it's his responsibility to care and look after the baby and not his mother's.

But also invite her round before the baby has overnight stays with Dad, and explain his routine to her as well, and stress how important it is for all of you to maintain a similar routine. She'll understand the hidden meaning, and she'll hopefully cooperate.

remarkablebuyer writes:

I want to say this gently. Slow down on major decision-making for a year. You’re going to have heightened emotions for awhile since you’re post-partum. This is NOT to say that your instincts aren’t 100% right about protecting your child.

Your rules for your MIL were spot on and she endangered your baby who has no immune system. This is definitely a serious issue. However, I’m not sure it’s time to divorce your husband just yet.

If anything, this would mean that your MIL would have more access to your child during your husband’s visits. I would start with having your pediatrician explain to your husband the danger that your MIL put your baby in….and then go from there.

niblingk writes:

You maintain that you wanted to wait until your son at least had his first round of vaccines before he was exposed to extended family (roughly two to three months). Which vaccines are you referring to?

According to the CDC, he should have already had the first round (RSV and hep B) at birth. That said, the first dose of MMR and varicella aren’t recommended until 12 months, so technically he wouldn’t be through the full first rounds of shots for a year or so.

Additionally, you said MIL saw him at the hospital…I don’t know if he’d yet had the above mentioned shots, but can I assume that she hadn’t spent the week before his birth in quarantine? Another comment said that you “needed to get out of your house with your baby”.

Where would you go? Certainly not a hotel. Your parents’ home? Wouldn’t that be putting your son in the same situation? Hasn’t your husband been away, traveling on business (and thus likely exposed to any number of unknown germs/illnesses/diseases)?

Yet you told him he was welcome to come over and see your son. Has the one week quarantine requirement been fulfilled?

My point in bringing all of this up is before moving out or calling a lawyer or throwing out the word “divorce”, you should take a pause and consider:

Post-natal hormones are REAL and they are ILLOGICAL and they are a B&CH. They’re hard enough to control in the best of circumstances, let alone when dealing with a sick baby, a husband who isn’t there all the time, and MIL conflict.

Overreacting in general is almost expected right now, so it shouldn’t surprise anyone that you’re responding to what happened like this.

Maybe you could cut your husband a little slack. Should he be taking his mom’s side over yours? Never. Should he start setting and maintaining firm boundaries with her? Yes. Was expecting you to apologize to her out of line?

Yes, probably. I’d venture to guess, though, that there have been moments recently when he’s noticed you acting irrationally and instead of castigating you for it, has tried to understand what you’re going through and give you the benefit of the doubt.

You could return the gesture and remind yourself that while he obviously isn’t going through the same thing, he IS dealing with his own significant issues.

He’s a new father with new responsibilities and experiences- not getting much sleep, trying to help with the baby, assist with things around the house, worrying about you, and working…not just with a normal commute...

but leaving his brand new family to travel. While gone, he finds out that some shit has gone down at home between his mother and wife and his baby is sick and even though he wants to fix everything, there’s nothing he can do at the moment so he feels helpless and useless and reacts, dare I say, irrationally.

None of this excuses the way he’s acted in the past concerning his mother, and there are some SERIOUS topics that need to be addressed (ideally in individual and couples therapy)...

but HER most recent actions seem to be the catalyst here, and given my second point above, I’m not sure it’s fair to issue such severe consequences just yet.

You say you love him more than anything and he’s a wonderful father and you don’t want to lose him, so do yourself and him and your son a favor and breathe while the other shit settles a little bit. Then take it from there. Best of luck with everything, OP. I truly hope this works out for the best for you all.

palensojo writes:

I apologize for being a "man" here. So I am playing devil's advocate since the canned response on reddit is cut and run, I wanted to give you some alternate advice.

There is no excuse for your MIL ambushing you. It's your baby not hers and any boundaries you want to set are your prerogative. I'm not sure where you are geographically but in the northern hemisphere it is cold/flu/pneumonia/RSV season.

So most pediatricians would even recommend no outside trips or outside visitors for baby for up to 6-8 weeks. That being said, kids get sick. It is a side effect of everything in my mouth-itis.

Some MILs are helicopter parents even to their adult children. It takes time and steady gentle pressure to break them away. You just gave birth, there is a chance you are suffering from a form of postpartum and are acting irrational.

Leaving your husband because your child got sick, possibly due to his mother not obeying your rules is a little extreme. Even if he doubled down by taking her side. (Please keep reading) Now I don't know your whole 5 year journey with your husband.

This could truly be the nail in the coffin of a horrible experience. My point is just that a newborn baby is a massive stress filled time for you and your husband. You are also dealing with physical and mental post pregnancy changes.

Again sorry for being a "man" in this situation. Just think carefully before making such major life decisions, when you are already dealing with a newborn.

Also think on this. Your husband is stressed and worried about the baby too, of course he is going to turn to his mommy. Especially if he is already kind of a mama's boy as you mentioned. This whole situation could be the wedge you need to pry him away from his mother's bosom.

He now knows you mean business. Remember that time your mom almost killed our baby and our marriage??? You now have an edge over your MIL with your husband if you choose to take advantage of it. You just have to be subtle with it. Slow and steady pressure. Good luck with everything.

Let's take a look at OP's first emotional update:

I had to come back here and edit that he no longer has access to me but he will obviously still be in our sons life. I would never be that evil to keep him away from our son unless he was physically abusive to him.

Also he couldn't have gotten sick from me because I've been holed up in a house for 3 weeks pretty much... Yes I meant MY MIL. I wrote this in a time where I was emotional. Sue me. I never said she could never see him but it's recommended 2-3 months before introducing your baby to people. It was barely a month.

If she had Just waited she could have saw him next month with no problem. I don't completely hate her or dislike her. Do I think she's annoying and overbearing? Yes. But I would never keep her away from him. A baby under 3 months getting sick is DANGEROUS. So no, I am not overreacting for wanting her to wait 2 more weeks to see him.

And now, OP's second update:

A lot of you have been saying I am emotional and hormonal and I can agree and this is not something I can come to a decision on in one day and being 3 weeks post partum, I see that now that I have calmed down. I will come back and update in a month or 2. Also she had a spare key.

No longer does. What else... It was 3 days before the fever came up so there's your "incubation period" he's 3 weeks, sorry I should have told him to wait until an appropriate amount of time has passed before he can be sick and so we can adjust. Also people have asked, my parents and family weren't allowed to see him either.

It was never Just about her because of what problems we had in the past. I would never be that evil unless she physically hurt him. SHE HAD A SPARE KEY. SHE HAD A SPARE KEY. SHE HAD A SPARE KEY. SHE HAD A SPARE KEY. SHE HAD A SPARE KEY. SHE HAD A SPARE KEY.

OP's THIRD UPDATE:

I showed my husband this Reddit post and I let our doctor talk to him and he sees how dangerous it was for her to bombard in like that especially when we asked her to to wait about 2 months and he had a long talking to from his Uncle about asking me to apologize.

This isn't fixed and I'm still upset but we ARE setting up therapy because he says that he does need some pointers to help deal with his mother. He did talk to his mother and she did apologize and I do feel like it was genuine because she is very upset that he is sick and DING DONG everyone... she has a cold.

After she woke up feeling like crap she called him crying and saying that she hopes this doesn't keep her from seeing the baby forever and I assured her Just like I've been saying that I was never going to keep her from seeing him forever, she is his grandmother and I would never want to do that.

I told her she can see him after she's gotten over her cold and I explained to her this is what I wanted to prevent.

She said she's going to wait at least 2 weeks before she's seeing him and wear a mask to be extra safe. She's sitting on zoom with my parents looking at him and talking to him.

I don't know what is going to happen with my relationship with my MIL but I hope we can be civil for the sake of our baby boy, who is doing okay if anyone was wondering.

He asked me to come home and I told him I would. Also THIS and the example I stated in the first paragraph is not the only thing she's done... So no this "small" (getting my 4 week old baby sick is not small) thing was not it. I was not looking for a reason to leave him.

What do YOU make of OP's dilemma? Was she too dramatic in her response? What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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