Someecards Logo
ADVERTISING
Woman leaves sister's wedding early after MOH 'HUMILIATES' her during speech. AITA? UPDATED 3X

Woman leaves sister's wedding early after MOH 'HUMILIATES' her during speech. AITA? UPDATED 3X

ADVERTISING

When this woman is devastated by her sister's MOH's speech, she asks the internet:

"AITA for leaving my sister's wedding early after her maid of honor humiliated me in her speech?"

I 27F was a bridesmaid at my older sister's wedding last week. The wedding was beautiful and everything seemed perfect until the reception. During the reception the maid of honor who has been my sister's best friend since childhood gave her speech.

it was emotional and all but then she made a joke about how I was the family screw up who finally managed to do something right by not messing up my bridesmaid duties. Everyone laughed but I didn't find it funny.

For context I’ve had a rough few years. I struggled with my mental health and dropped out of college for a while. I've since gotten my life back on track but it’s still a sensitive topic for me.

Hearing that joke in front of all our family and friends wasn't funny at all. My sister's best friend and I never really got along but still I never expected something like this from her. Especially the day wasn't about me at all then why bring me up in the speech?

I tried to stay composed but I felt the tears coming so I quietly left the reception and went outside to collect myself. My sister followed me out and asked what was wrong.

When I told her she said it was just a joke and she meant nothing bad. I tried to go back inside but I just couldn't and I ended up leaving the wedding early. My parents understand why I was upset but my sister is angry with me. I do feel terrible for leaving but I also feel like I had the right to feel hurt and humiliated.

Edit: I said nothing at the moment because I didn't want to cause a scene on my sister's special day.

And I can't reason with her right now because she will just ask me if I haven't been taking my meds lately, that's what she does when she's angry with me so I'm giving her some time to maybe realize how her best friend's joke was out of line.

Edit 2: someone asked me if my sister's best friend and I argued before/did I give her a reason to do this. My sister's best friend and I never went past Hi.

She told me before (few years ago) that she "in general" doesn't feel comfortable around someone struggling mentally because in her head God only knows what they're capable of. since she said this/to this day I just try to avoid her. AITA?

Before we give you OP's 3 updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

wastead7 writes:

NTA. Your feelings are valid. I would go low/no contact w your sister. How would she feel if you announced all of her problems in front of a crowd? Or drudged up something from her past and talked about it in front of everyone?

It’s not entertaining to purposely hurt someone for laughs. And it’s completely understandable to no longer trust your sister. (Side note-F her for the comments on your meds; it’s not of her business and she is only minimizing your feelings).

I’m sorry, OP. Please don’t let this drag you into a negative place. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be. Please take care.

ETA-she’s only mad you left bc any rational person there knows it was below the belt and it made her look bad.

sorrychole writes:

NTA the MoH was an AH no question, but so is your sister. I would even say your sister is the bigger B here. She should be supportive, instead she gives you back handed insults and lets her friends make fun of yuo because for whatever reason she either feels ashamed of your situation or she just really doesn't like you.

Should your sister use that "are you not taking your meds?" to gaslight you into thinking your behaviour is wrong, or that she's behaving normally, stay calm and just look at her. "i have been taking them and frankly speaking i have been feeling very well. I've just come to realize that you're an absolute B and horrible person.

Instead of being supportive, or just not treating me like a nutjob, you've been giving me backhanded insults or trying to gaslight me into thinking that i am in the wrong. But i am not. I think it is best if we keep our contact to the minimum for now, because i really do not care to spend any time with you at the moment."

Take some distance to her, or anyone who treats you like that or wants you to "just forgive her, to keep the peace." Take care of your mental health and spend time with people who love and care about you.

crowdarcher writes:

Say something like Sister, if you think what your best friend said about me was funny, then you are not the person I believed you to be. Your best friend, instead of celebrating her best friend in her wedding speech, instead decided to humiliate the bride's sister.

She purposefully created drama at your wedding...her best friend's wedding. And instead of being angry at her, you are angry at me for being a human being and having feelings and emotions and not finding it funny to be publicly humiliated. I know I am not perfect, but I try my very best and I guess I wish my big sister had my back. But I guess she doesn't

I am beyond disappointed in you for being ok with what she said. But I guess you and your best friend enjoy sitting around talking shit about me so much that you just had to do it at your wedding. I won't be contacting you for a while. But then again, given how you and your best friend feel about me, I am sure you won't care much at all. NTA.

kt6 writes:

NTA. Your sister and her trashy friend are ignorant AF about mental disorders/illnesses. It's 2024, and the world is much more aware and educated about mental illness.

Depression and other mental issues are all mostly things anyone can get, though some are genetic. I had a friend in HS who couldn't understand why I wasn't happy and why I was sad, moody, and other things.

People don't get it unless they experience it. Years later, he called me up and apologized and told me he understood it now. I don't wish this stuff on anyone, but it's nice when people understand and emphasize with you.

If your sister's ignorant "friend" says something snotty again, tell her you don't feel comfortable being around a psycho/sociopath. Clearly, she has no feelings, so let's assume she is one of those things, right?

Another thing, this joke thing. If it was just a joke, then how come she didn't make any jokes at the bride and groom's expense? Or anyone else? She singled you out, and really, unless you're a real comedian or have a good relationship with a person, don't make jokes about other people.

I wonder how your sister would feel if she ended up divorced and suffering depression and anxiety and at your wedding or get together, your friend makes a joke about how "Looks like crazy runs in the family!"

Or "Big sister used to be so perfect and look at her now, she's two steps from being a crazy hobo on a bus!" I'm pretty sure that would upset your sister, but to have her sister dismiss her feelings? That hurts more. Your sister and her shltty friend are huge AHs here. You are NTA.

northsta writes:

Are your parents alive? What did they say? If they say or do nothing, along with any other relatives? Then you know where you stand. What your sister and her friend did to you in a public place was appalling.

Even if they did or didn’t mention mental illness specifically in the speech making fun of someone like that in public is disgusting. Your sister has behaved awfully in the past. I know you hope she will have an epiphany.

She won’t. If she did she’d have one by the time she was engaged. She has already told you who she is and what she thinks of you. So much so she used you as entertainment for her wedding.

She will never apologize nor will her bridesmaid. It is time to go no contact. Forever. I don’t say this lightly. Don’t be at anything she is at. If family tries to say “don’t make us choose between you” you can respond by saying “your comment shows me you already have.” Then also no contact.

Even your parents. It will hurt, a lot but putting up with this for as long as you already have has done so much damage already.

Please return to therapy if you are not already in it to unpack how you have been treated your whole life.

conjed writes:

Nta. I remember the maid of honor at my cousins wedding (the brides sister) gave a speech where she jokingly said, “we used to be enemies but bonded over our mutual hatred for our mom in our teenage years.”

Everyone laughed but I looked at her mom, smiling, and saw she was absolutely devastated. I’ll never forget it… even my mom and my aunts remarked on it later. and every time I think about their wedding I think about that moment.

I will say I don’t know their mom, or the sister- but i couldn’t help but feel like it showed me the MOHs true character. Weddings are not places to get even and air out bitterness or grievances- they are meant to be supportive and joyful. I’m so sorry you had to go through that- you did not deserve it.

And now, OP's 1st update (a week later):

Hi. Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment on my post and gave their opinion/advice without being too harsh. I apologize if my update is messy or confusing. I'll try to cover everything but I don't know when to add context for clarification. If you think there's any missing info/some parts are confusing let me know.

The same day I posted my dad called to check up on me and see if my sister and I had talked things out. When I told him no he said it's better if we talk about it now and assured me that I have nothing to apologize for.

If my sister thinks she has nothing to apologize for then the least she can do is make her best friend apologize or fully realize that the joke was out of line.

By the way my brother and I met 4 days ago and he told me that BIL (my sister's husband) didn't like the way the MOH called me a screw-up in front of everyone and some of those who laughed voiced later that they did so out of nervousness.

On Monday my sister called me to talk. When I made it to her place, her best friend was on the phone and didn't put it down for a second.

My sister started by saying that just a few years ago I would have laughed hard and not taken the joke as an insult. I told her maybe some laughed because they don't know the reason she called me a screw-up.

(For context. When I was 16 something happened and that's why I struggled mentally really badly between 16-18. When I was 17 I was diagnosed with PTSD and later with depression and anxiety. Since then I don't like it when someone touches my head. Especially my hair and the back of my head/neck. My sister knows everything)

During our conversation my sister did most of the talking. At some point I felt like my sister had called me just to blame me again without trying to understand my perspective.

When I tried to talk she put her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me toward her with each sentence as if to say "Do you understand?" or "Okay?" I hated it and felt irritated. I honestly kept thinking if I pushes her away would I be in the wrong. Would they just call me mental and tell family I got physical.

I tried to leave but she insisted that no one was leaving until we sort this out. She told her best friend to just apologize.

She refused and reminded my sister that I was the reason her husband got angry at her on their wedding day because I couldn't take a joke and when I tried to explain why (EDIT: I told her if she had focused her speech on the bride/groom then maybe he wouldn't have had a reason to be angry.

she refused to listen and brushed my words off) she said "Yeah whatever. Sorry" I was glad it was finally over and as I was about to leave I heard her say "Can't take a joke that everyone knows is true" Both of them laughed but my sister stopped mid-laugh and apologized. I didn't say anything and left.

I think I've had enough. I mean I know I've had a few rough years. I dropped out of college for a while, fine. But I've since gotten my life back on track. My parents helped me through it all and never made me feel like a burden. At first, I was on some strong meds that made me feel tired/sleepy most of the time.

After a while I started to feel a little better with therapy and my family's support. During that period it was me, my parents and my brother. My sister was three hours away for a job and used to visit sometimes and would often bring her best friend along with her. Looking back.

I don't want to say she hates me but I know she felt ashamed to have a family member struggling with mental health issues. I don't know how to explain this.

I've made up my mind and decided to go NC for now. If my parents and my brother who were there when I was going through it all never made me feel that they're ashamed of me then why would she?

I'm still on some meds but feels much better than before. I have a stable job, my own place and friends who loves me for who I am. I can say I'm proud of myself a little.

I love my family to death and tried to maintain a relationship with my sister all these years but I'm trying to improve myself not constantly be reminded of what I was a few years ago.

Update 2:

I don't think I will be around her anytime soon. I'm still a little shaken by the fact that she knows everything and still grabbed me by the back of my neck to prove her point.

I've decided to go NC. I want to move on from what happened and everything she's said to me before. She's said a lot of hurtful things in the past but the way she tried to shut me up by grabbing me by the back of my neck.. I just can't get over it. She doesn't love/respect me enough to not use that against me

Update 3:

To be clear about what happened, She brought her best friend home when I was still covered in bruises. Of course, I didn't want to see anyone other than my family but I was in no condition to voice my wants.

I'm sure I left my room at least 2-3 times and she saw me. Besides she brought her best friend along when it was better for me to not interact with anyone but family. I'm certain she told her everything.

I'm going to see my parents tomorrow along with my brother. They will probably ask me how it went and I will tell them exactly what happened.

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2024 Someecards, Inc

ADVERTISING
Featured Content