'AITA for leaving my sister's wedding early after her MOH humiliated me in her speech?' UPDATED 3X

"AITA for leaving my sister's wedding early after her maid of honor humiliated me in her speech?"

I 27F was a bridesmaid at my older sister's wedding last week. The wedding was beautiful and everything seemed perfect until the reception. During the reception the maid of honor who has been my sister's best friend since childhood gave her speech.

it was emotional and all but then she made a joke about how I was the family screw up who finally managed to do something right by not messing up my bridesmaid duties. Everyone laughed but I didn't find it funny.

For context I’ve had a rough few years. I struggled with my mental health and dropped out of college for a while. I've since gotten my life back on track but it’s still a sensitive topic for me.

Hearing that joke in front of all our family and friends wasn't funny at all. My sister's best friend and I never really got along but still I never expected something like this from her. Especially the day wasn't about me at all then why bring me up in the speech?

I tried to stay composed but I felt the tears coming so I quietly left the reception and went outside to collect myself. My sister followed me out and asked what was wrong.

When I told her she said it was just a joke and she meant nothing bad. I tried to go back inside but I just couldn't and I ended up leaving the wedding early. My parents understand why I was upset but my sister is angry with me. I do feel terrible for leaving but I also feel like I had the right to feel hurt and humiliated.

Edit: I said nothing at the moment because I didn't want to cause a scene on my sister's special day.

And I can't reason with her right now because she will just ask me if I haven't been taking my meds lately, that's what she does when she's angry with me so I'm giving her some time to maybe realize how her best friend's joke was out of line.

Edit 2: someone asked me if my sister's best friend and I argued before/did I give her a reason to do this. My sister's best friend and I never went past Hi.

She told me before (few years ago) that she "in general" doesn't feel comfortable around someone struggling mentally because in her head God only knows what they're capable of. since she said this/to this day I just try to avoid her. AITA?

Before we give you OP's 3 updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

wastead7 writes:

NTA. Your feelings are valid. I would go low/no contact w your sister. How would she feel if you announced all of her problems in front of a crowd? Or drudged up something from her past and talked about it in front of everyone?

It’s not entertaining to purposely hurt someone for laughs. And it’s completely understandable to no longer trust your sister. (Side note-F her for the comments on your meds; it’s not of her business and she is only minimizing your feelings).

I’m sorry, OP. Please don’t let this drag you into a negative place. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be. Please take care.

ETA-she’s only mad you left bc any rational person there knows it was below the belt and it made her look bad.

conjed writes:

Nta. I remember the maid of honor at my cousins wedding (the brides sister) gave a speech where she jokingly said, “we used to be enemies but bonded over our mutual hatred for our mom in our teenage years.”

Everyone laughed but I looked at her mom, smiling, and saw she was absolutely devastated. I’ll never forget it… even my mom and my aunts remarked on it later. and every time I think about their wedding I think about that moment.

I will say I don’t know their mom, or the sister- but i couldn’t help but feel like it showed me the MOHs true character. Weddings are not places to get even and air out bitterness or grievances- they are meant to be supportive and joyful. I’m so sorry you had to go through that- you did not deserve it.

And now, OP's 1st update (a week later):

Hi. Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment on my post and gave their opinion/advice without being too harsh. I apologize if my update is messy or confusing. I'll try to cover everything but I don't know when to add context for clarification. If you think there's any missing info/some parts are confusing let me know.

The same day I posted my dad called to check up on me and see if my sister and I had talked things out. When I told him no he said it's better if we talk about it now and assured me that I have nothing to apologize for.

If my sister thinks she has nothing to apologize for then the least she can do is make her best friend apologize or fully realize that the joke was out of line.

By the way my brother and I met 4 days ago and he told me that BIL (my sister's husband) didn't like the way the MOH called me a screw-up in front of everyone and some of those who laughed voiced later that they did so out of nervousness.

On Monday my sister called me to talk. When I made it to her place, her best friend was on the phone and didn't put it down for a second.

My sister started by saying that just a few years ago I would have laughed hard and not taken the joke as an insult. I told her maybe some laughed because they don't know the reason she called me a screw-up.

(For context. When I was 16 something happened and that's why I struggled mentally really badly between 16-18. When I was 17 I was diagnosed with PTSD and later with depression and anxiety. Since then I don't like it when someone touches my head. Especially my hair and the back of my head/neck. My sister knows everything)

During our conversation my sister did most of the talking. At some point I felt like my sister had called me just to blame me again without trying to understand my perspective.

When I tried to talk she put her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me toward her with each sentence as if to say "Do you understand?" or "Okay?" I hated it and felt irritated. I honestly kept thinking if I pushes her away would I be in the wrong. Would they just call me mental and tell family I got physical.

I tried to leave but she insisted that no one was leaving until we sort this out. She told her best friend to just apologize.

She refused and reminded my sister that I was the reason her husband got angry at her on their wedding day because I couldn't take a joke and when I tried to explain why (EDIT: I told her if she had focused her speech on the bride/groom then maybe he wouldn't have had a reason to be angry.

she refused to listen and brushed my words off) she said "Yeah whatever. Sorry" I was glad it was finally over and as I was about to leave I heard her say "Can't take a joke that everyone knows is true" Both of them laughed but my sister stopped mid-laugh and apologized. I didn't say anything and left.

I think I've had enough. I mean I know I've had a few rough years. I dropped out of college for a while, fine. But I've since gotten my life back on track. My parents helped me through it all and never made me feel like a burden. At first, I was on some strong meds that made me feel tired/sleepy most of the time.

After a while I started to feel a little better with therapy and my family's support. During that period it was me, my parents and my brother. My sister was three hours away for a job and used to visit sometimes and would often bring her best friend along with her. Looking back.

I don't want to say she hates me but I know she felt ashamed to have a family member struggling with mental health issues. I don't know how to explain this.

I've made up my mind and decided to go NC for now. If my parents and my brother who were there when I was going through it all never made me feel that they're ashamed of me then why would she?

I'm still on some meds but feels much better than before. I have a stable job, my own place and friends who loves me for who I am. I can say I'm proud of myself a little.

I love my family to death and tried to maintain a relationship with my sister all these years but I'm trying to improve myself not constantly be reminded of what I was a few years ago.

Update 2:

I don't think I will be around her anytime soon. I'm still a little shaken by the fact that she knows everything and still grabbed me by the back of my neck to prove her point.

I've decided to go NC. I want to move on from what happened and everything she's said to me before. She's said a lot of hurtful things in the past but the way she tried to shut me up by grabbing me by the back of my neck.. I just can't get over it. She doesn't love/respect me enough to not use that against me

Update 3:

To be clear about what happened, She brought her best friend home when I was still covered in bruises. Of course, I didn't want to see anyone other than my family but I was in no condition to voice my wants.

I'm sure I left my room at least 2-3 times and she saw me. Besides she brought her best friend along when it was better for me to not interact with anyone but family. I'm certain she told her everything.

I'm going to see my parents tomorrow along with my brother. They will probably ask me how it went and I will tell them exactly what happened.