So, when a frustrated young woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about whether or not she was wrong to lie to her famously late mom, people were eager to help deem a verdict.
My (22F) mom (mid 40sF) is one of those people who is always late to everything. I'm talking family gettogethers, birthdays, graduations, weddings, you name it she's showing up late. At first growing up I just thought it was because she's bad with time, but as I've gotten older I genuinely believe she likes making an entrance.
I personally find it 1) rude and 2) embarrassing because it's not like it happens once in a while, it literally happens at every single function she is invited to that has a set time. Many family members have complained about this, nothing ever changes.
It's gotten to the point that whenever my grandma has family lunches or dinners she'll tell me mom it starts an hour earlier that it actually does, so she'll be there on time. (My mom doesn't know that my grandma does this, it's a joke between grandma and I).
This past weekend was my 22nd birthday. My grandma wanted to do a lunch for me at her place with our immediate family. The lunch was to start at 2pm, but we told my mom 1pm. I had plans later that evening to go out for dinner with my boyfriend, so I wanted to leave my grandma's house at around 5 the absolute latest because I needed to go home and get all ready.
Well of course my mom was late. We called her at like 2:30PM to see where she was because you know, it's her daughter's birthday. She had just left her house at 2:30PM and still had to pick up her bf on her way to my grandma's (30-35 mins away) so none of us were expecting her to arrive until like 3:30PM.
She finally arrives 2 and a half hours late from the time we told her, makes her little entrance. We question her about. She tells us she thought the lunch started at 2? We asked her where she heard this from, she said my aunt (who was present at the lunch) told her. We questioned my aunt and she said she felt bad 'lying to my mom.' Everyone is pretty annoyed, but we all move on. Fast forward an hour later (4:30PM) I have to start leaving.
My mom starts getting all annoyed with me that I'm leaving 'so soon' and that she barely got to see me for my birthday. I told her that my life doesn't revolve around her, and that she should've been there sooner. She started giving me attitude and listing all these excuses as to why she's late. I couldn't be bothered to hear them and left.
Later that night she messaged me saying that I was acting like an As*hole towards her and it was rude of me to lie to her about the time the lunch started. My mom and my aunt think I'm an AH for lying to her. My grandma doesn't think it's a big deal and they're overacting. I came here for some outside opinions.
NTA. But stop lying to her. Stop accommodating her. Don't hold up any events or dinner or lunch or anything for her. If she arrives to a meal or function and it's over and the food is either gone or put away, then it's 'Oh well, should have been here on time.' I would never hold up one more thing for her. She's rude and has no respect for other people's time.
NTA Stop giving her the attention she's craving, don't let her make her scene, don't call, don't ask why she's late, go live your life and she can decide to be part of it or be late.
Just stop giving a crap. When she's late, don't question it, don't remark upon it, and don't call to see where she is. Just ignore it completely. Meanwhile, start planning all the best and most fun stuff for the first hour. Stop giving her the attention and start giving her reasons to regret being late. The problem will solve itself. Or it won't, but it'll be her problem, not yours. NTA.
NTA. The fact that your mom was still late even though she knew the real time indicates that she does not respect your time, or the time of other people. Your approach to chastising her was a bit harsh, but seems warranted.
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this young woman wasn't at all wrong to tell a lie in order to get her own mother to be on time for her birthday party. However, she should stop accomodating her behavior in the future if she wants to avoid the disappointment. The next time her mom decides to be over two hours late, she'll simply have to miss the event entirely. Good luck, everyone...