Woman LOSES MIND when MIL deliberately 'infects' her 1YO daughter; 'I am THIS CLOSE to calling the COPS.' UPDATED 3X

When this mom is upset with her daughter, she asks the internet:

"Mother-in-law [56F] deliberately infected my [27F] daughter [1F] to make her "stronger." I'm livid. She doesn't think it's a big deal."

I can hardly type this out because thinking about it makes me so angry. Earlier this year my husband [31M] and I decided to spend Christmas with his family for the first time since my daughter was born last September.

Since they live 12 hours away, we decided to stay for a few weeks before Christmas so they could spend loads of time with Annie [13 months].

We arrived early like we planned and everything was great. I've had a few disagreements with my mother-in-law Trish [56F] in the past over my parenting style (she criticised me for using disposable diapers, buying baby food from the supermarket and not raising Annie as an "organic" baby) but everything seemed great.

After a day or two settling in my husband and I decided to pick up a few gifts from a mall around an hour away before the last-minute rush kicked in. My father-in-law [60M] tagged along. Trish said she was happy to take care of Annie.

We got back a few hours later and Annie was down for a nap on a blanket I didn't recognise. Trish said one of her friends dropped by and gave it as an early Christmas gift. It looked pretty old/worn, but I figured one of her hippy friends was just recycling it.

The next two weeks were fine, aside from Trish making a point to prepare meals for Annie from scratch. I mentioned this to my husband and he said to just let her be.

Annie mostly mushed the food Trish gave her with her hands/threw the bowls on the floor, as she's been doing at the moment. Trish said it would "take her a while to get used to nutritious meals".

I was getting sick of her meddling but it was only for a few weeks, so for the sake of the holidays I let it slide.

The day after Christmas Annie was really unsettled and wouldn't stop fidgeting and crying. I took her temperature and she had a fever, so I kept an eye on her for the next few days and it thankfully started to go down. This morning, she started to get a rash and blisters on her arms and legs and I freaked out.

I was packing a bag to drive to see a doctor when Trish asked where I was going. I told her Annie had a rash and I was taking her to see a doctor.

She got a weird smug smile on her face and told me there was nothing to worry about. When I asked her what she was talking about she said without even looking at Annie that what she had was just Chickenpox.

I asked her how she could possibly know that and she casually admitted one of her friend's grandkids had chickenpox a few weeks ago so she asked them to wipe a blanket over the child's arms, legs and face and bring it to her house.

At this point I couldn't believe what I was hearing so I asked if that blanket was the "gift" Annie was sleeping on. She said it was. I lost my s.

To be honest I don't really remember what I said because I was up most of the night for two days checking on Annie. I just unleashed on Trish asking what the f was wrong with her.

My husband and father-in-law came to try to calm things down and Trish dug in her heels and said chickenpox was "the best and most natural thing" for Annie to build up her immunity. I already have a vaccination schedule in place with my paediatrician and she was booked in to get immunised for chickenpox at 18 months.

We drove to see the doctor and he confirmed she had it. He said I'll have to cut Annie's nails short and might have to tape socks on her hands while she sleeps because kids so young can scratch until they bleed and that will leave scars.

On the drive back my husband started making excuses for Trish, that she was only doing what she thought was best. I couldn't believe he was defending her and we fought most of the way home until I told him to stop talking to me.

Annie's been scratching like crazy and I just had to tape socks over her hands. Trish tried to talk to me when we got back and I told her to get out of my sight.

We were meant to stay until Wednesday but I just finished packing up our stuff so we can leave first thing in the morning.

I'm so angry I can't even think. Whenever I hear Trish moving around in the kitchen my heart starts beating faster and I feel like going out there and grabbing her by the hair. I don't ever want to see her again or let my daughter see her again.

What can I say to make her and my husband realise the enormity of what she's done? (I don't think I can speak coherently to their faces until Annie gets better.) I am THIS CLOSE to calling the cops. But I don't know what I'd say.

tl;dr: Mother-in-law deliberately infected my daughter with chickenpox. I'm so angry I feel like physically harming her. I need advice on what to say to make her realise what she's done.

She's up-to-date on her vaccination schedule. She was vaccinated for measles a month ago and booked in to get the Chickenpox vaccine at 18 months old, as normal.

seabun writes:

My internet is being shoddy, so I can't see if someone has already replied to you, but from what I understand on current research: the vaccine is under constant development (actually have friends that work a lab that does a lot of work with it), and the age requirement is more about cost-vs-benefit and risk ratios, not so much that someone below that age can't take it.

Also, proclivity and reactivation along the nerve lines have to do with combined factors (vaccination/exposure/age/time of infection/etc.), so it's hard for GPs to often pinpoint a 'when' for prevention.

If you are interested about the vaccine, I can ask my SO for points of interest or possible questions! He worked a couple of years on genetic characterization for the vaccine development, and still keeps up on developments! (I was going to paste a link to one of his papers here, but internet sucks lol).

adgah8 writes:

Yeah, and it's bulls that she's immune. The kid will absolutely have to get the chickenpox vaccine anyways.

I got the chickenpox when I was 6 months (I have 4 siblings and my father's a doctor--it was just bad luck). I'm missing about 3 eyelashes in one eye and while not incredibly noticeable, I notice it.

In addition to that, I got shingles at the age of 5. As a result, I can no longer feel parts of my back from the scarring (mostly the upper half). Both experiences were excruciatingly painful.

My mother, a medical professional remembers my chickenpox diagnosis as the scariest day of her life. I remember each and every day of shingles vividly. I remember almost nothing about my 5-year-old life except that I got shingles and it was terrible.

And guess what? When I went to grad school, I had to get the damn vaccine anyways because universities do not always accept 'medical history'. Mine specifically said either I needed a titer or the vaccine. So I got a titer (because I hate shots)--and it came back that I was negative for immunity. So I had to get the damn shots.

Can we label this what it is? This is abuse. Plain and simple. Submitting your child to pain and agony that provides no benefit to their future? Abuse.

agahyu writes:

I got it when I was 7ish. In that time period it was very common to have "belly rubbing parties" Wording might be off, something along those lines at least. My memory is bad. I was seven.

If one kid got it Parent would invite other parents over with their kids (within a certain age group) to rub bellies. In essence, you purposefully infected your kid in 5-10ish? age bracket since that was the best time to get it.

It took the place of a vaccine at the time since it was well known that being exposed to it early was better than getting it later. Sort of a get it out of the way type thing.

I remember my brother and I laid out in the living room in our undies on a blanket watching TV with camomile lotion slathered all over us. Yay! No school!

This was the 90's though. Imagine my surprise when it came time for my kids to get their vaccines and chicken pox was on the list. I guess it makes sense, I have step cousins who had really bad reactions to chicken pox all four of them, apparently. But when I was a kid is wasn't a big deal.

Even speaking as my mom at that time OP's kid is too young. From that stand point they're not old enough to understand the 'No scratching' rule and they could be too young to build the immunity and they could get it again but worse, or their immune system is too fresh to handle it and it would be a worse than if they had waited a few years.

(In this last instance since it's vaccinated against in this day and age it could be even harder on OP's kid than it would have been on me when I was 1-2ish since everyone got it back then)

Not going to get into a vaccine debate though. Period. For the concept to be effective everyone must be on board so it's much better to get those vaccines. Just providing an anecdote here.

vegsicle writes:

"Chickenpox parties" were acceptable behavior prior to the existence of the chickenpox vaccine. The idea was to ensure your child had it at a young age, to prevent catching it as an adult.

Chickenpox, while extremely unpleasant for kids, is much more dangerous for adults. So this was good parenting at the time. However, now that the vaccine exists, the obviously best method is prevent the child from ever catching it in the first place!

I grew up way before the vaccine. I was four when a kid in my preschool class came down with it and the moms all arranged for us to play with him.

I don't remember much from that age, but I do remember the insanely intense itching, the hours spent in oatmeal baths, and pitching a huge tantrum because my dad tried to use the wrong anti-itch cream (I wanted the calamine lotion, because it was pink.)

I also have a large scar on my shoulder from one of the vesicles that got a secondary infection. I was old enough then to understand what was happening and it was still a miserable enough experience to imprint memories at an age I otherwise don't remember.

I cannot imagine what the experience must be like for an infant, who doesn't understand and can't even verbalize what she's going through right now.

feasttt writes:

Yeah, infecting kids is a thing. Completely unacceptable for MIL to do this, but in the UK the chickenpox vaccine isn't part of the childhood vaccination programme, it's only given to kids who are really vulnerable.

Some parents here have 'chicken pox parties' at the age of 4-5 so the kids get it (you only get chicken pox once and if you don't get it as a kid and catch it as an adult or teenager that's when its much worse with a greater risk of complications)

Personally I think it's too extreme to purposefully infect a child, although I do understand why it goes on in the UK. But to give it to a 1 year old is fg ridiculous, I got it at 6 and I was fine, I don't remember feeling poorly, just uncomfortable for a few days.

Unfortunately my little sister who was a baby caught it too, she was in agony, she didn't understand what was going on, and because he skin surface was so much smaller and her immune system was still developing she was covered in pox.

A one year old is going to be so distressed and obviously they don't know to not scratch which like OP said could leave her with scaring.

mickepinkeytwain writes:

Ok so the obvious part to this is what you do with your MIL. Done. Nothing. If you feel charitable you could let her in to your child's life on a very limited basis completely on your terms in a few years if she literally begs for your forgiveness.

I think the tougher problem is your husband. The fact that he's not supporting you on this issue is seriously alarming. I generally disagree when this sub advises giving an ultimatum, but in this case your child's health is at risk. What if there was a complication from the chicken pox?

Sure it's generally an easy cure (and I hope your son/daughter has the quickest, easiest recovery possible), but with serious infections anything is possible. Your husband needs to get on board with cutting his mother off, or honestly, you should take your child out of that house.

Your MIL is a danger to the health of your child, and if he wants her around, or is willing to let her come around, he is putting your child in danger. He doesn't necessarily have to stop talking to her, but he NEEDS to get on board with keeping her away from your child.

Update 1:

Thank you to everyone for your comments, inbox messages and advice after my post. I read all the comments and messages, and they genuinely helped - especially the home remedies on how to stop itching.

Since my first post was locked and deleted, I hope it's okay to briefly summarise here.

Over the holidays my mother-in-law Trish [56F] deliberately infected my daughter Annie [1F] with chickenpox by wrapping her in an infected blanket while she was left alone with her for several hours.

Trish didn't tell anyone what she had done until Annie came down with a horrible fever and rash. Annie was booked in for her chickenpox vaccination at 18 months but Trish thought what she did is 100 per cent normal, despite the fact it's caused Annie significant pain and distress (and now scarring to her face and arms).

When I found out what she did I was livid and had a shouting match with her and packed up our things to leave the very next morning. It soon came out my husband Jack didn't think Trish had done anything wrong. On to the update. I didn't think it would be possible – but things got worse.

I got up first thing the next morning and started packing our stuff into the car. Once I opened it up I kept the keys in my pocket since I was going in and out - usually we use Jack's set and leave mine in my bag. While I was packing he sat in the kitchen with Trish and my father-in-law [60M] and chatted and had coffee like nothing was wrong.

Annie was mercifully still asleep so I'd just gently belted her in and closed her door when Jack came out and asked if I had everything. I said we were good to go as soon as he was.

He said 'okay' and calmly took out his key set and centrally locked the car, locking Annie in. I asked him what the hell he was doing and he said we wouldn't be leaving until I apologised to Trish.

I think I was stunned into silence because he then took the chance to rehash what he said the previous day: that Trish thought she was doing what was best, that "chickenpox doesn't kill you" and that I was "making a bigger deal out of this" than I needed to and making Trish feel bad. Yes, making her feel bad.

All the comments from my last post were swirling around in my head, and I told him he needs to stop being a son and start being a father. He screwed up his face and said he would always be Trish's son, and that was the point – that nobody should speak to his mother the way I had the day before, and I needed to apologise to "clear the air".

I felt like I had entered some kind of weird Twilight Zone where I had accidentally married a 9-year-old instead of an adult man, so I just asked him to open the car so we could leave. He repeatedly refused, then walked back inside and said he would see me in there when I was "acting more reasonable".

You can probably guess what happened next. I'd left my bag on the passenger seat, so he probably assumed my keys were in there. Nope. I waited 30 seconds, then just hopped into the car and drove away.

My phone blew up with a million calls from him, Trish, and my father-in-law. Eventually my mom and dad and my sister Jess, who I'm super close with, called as well. I'd briefly texted Jess about what was happening the day before but she was stunned to get the full blow-by-blow.

By the time I was on the open road I asked her to phone Jack and tell him he could walk home for all I care. Once she heard my side of the story, and not Jack's (which was apparently that I had gone crazy, frightened Trish, 'snatched' Annie and 'sped away'), she calmed way down.

Mom, dad and Jess offered to start driving and meet me half way so I could switch with one of them and wouldn't have to drive the full twelve hours by myself in one day. I was so grateful to see them I pretty much broke down in a truck stop parking lot while I blubbered that I loved them.

They all took turns driving while I had a rest. It was super reassuring to talk it over and hear that Trish and Jack are the unreasonable ones. Once we got back I stayed at my parents' overnight and they said I could stay as long as I needed.

Update 2:

The next few days were fairly tense. I was up most of the night making sure Annie didn't scratch (which she did anyway, somehow) and it seemed like she just cried and cried and cried until she was exhausted. S

he has five scars on her face and a few others on her arms from scratching. I know appearances shouldn't matter, but I'm so angry her skin is marked for life now over some stupid bullshit. This whole thing is just something I never expected to happen.

I answered one of Jack's calls only to have him start a rant that he "didn't recognise this person I had become", so I hung up on him. He was due to come back for the start of the work year, which I wasn't looking forward to, but I figured we could make it work as long as Trish was 12 hours away.

Then at like 11pm one night I got a very short and formal text from father-in-law via Jack's phone, saying Trish had come down with shingles and was in the emergency room, that Jack was staying there to care for her, and that he would work from their house remotely once the year started back up.

Jack's been there for the past few weeks tending to momma's every whim – I'm sure she's put on an Oscar-worthy performance of having one foot in the grave – and according to Google it should be any day now that her painful, crusty pustules go gently into that sweet night.

A few weeks ago I was honestly so tired and overwhelmed and in disbelief that I didn't know what to do. Now I'm back at home with people who actually care about me I think I'm starting to realise how lucky I am to see the weird relationship with his mommy this early on.

The fact that he cares more about Trish than his own daughter speaks volumes. When he eventually comes back I think we'll have to have a serious talk about our future together.

tl;dr: Mother-in-law infects my 1-year-old with chicken pox on purpose. Husband supports his mommy. He tries to force me to apologise to her by locking our daughter in the car but I peace out with a spare set of keys.

Husband has barely spoken to me in the weeks since. Mother-in-law came down with shingles so he's staying with her to nurse her back to health. I don't think any amount of TLC can do the same for our relationship now I've seen the real him. Whew.