Woman asks if she's wrong for freaking out on boyfriend who hid her toothbrush.
Is having good breath a bad thing?
According to Reddit user u/HygieneInsanity's boyfriend, the answer is yes. He got so mad at her for brushing her teeth, that he hid her toothbrush.
Now, this girlfriend is asking the internet, 'AITA (Am I The A**hole) for freaking out on my boyfriend for “making a point” and hiding my toothbrush?
She writes:
So I (26f) have been with my current bf (35m) for 4 months. Here is the issue, I have some little quirks as most of us do. This post is about my “obsession” (his word, not mine) about brushing my teeth/oral hygiene.
Let me preface it by saying that I don’t brush my teeth raw or brush more than is recommended. Just your typical morning, after lunch (yes I have a toothbrush in my office but I have a private restroom) and before bed. The only exception is when I am having a “sleepover” with a partner, I will get up before them and brush my teeth and come back to bed.
I mean knowing that there is an almost guarantee that morning “activities” will be happening I like feeling fresh and clean. I have been teased about it playfully in the past with other partners, but no one has ever taken an issue with it. Honestly, I am sure some past partners have appreciated it, morning breath isn’t super sexy.
Now, here is the issue where I may be TA. This weekend I slept over at my boyfriend’s place and on Sunday when I woke up and went to brush my teeth while he was still sleeping my toothbrush was missing from the bathroom! I knew for a fact that I had brushed my teeth before bed, so I went through my toiletries bag over and over. I checked the trash to see if it accidentally got tossed, and nope!
I was freaking out a bit, but I improvised using toothpaste on my finger to “brush” my teeth and rinsed with mouthwash. So I go back to bed, and cuddle up until he wakes like an hour later. My bf kisses me and pulls away like something is wrong, he remarks that I am “minty,” I said ya and explained how I somehow stupidly misplaced my toothbrush and had to improvise.
'He then tells me no that I in fact didn’t lose my toothbrush, he hid it. To. Teach. Me. A. Lesson!'
He then goes on to say that he was making a point about how my brushing my teeth first thing habit wasn’t “normal” and even used the term “OCD”. I was so upset. First, OCD is a legit disorder and you can’t just go around diagnosing people or slapping labels on them. Second, well ya it may be a bit weird, but it makes me feel more comfortable and confident knowing my breath is good.
I then proceeded to get up, throw clothes on, and say I was leaving. I was wicked pissed off! He tried to prevent me from leaving by saying I was being dramatic and overreacting by saying that he was the problem!
He has been blowing my phone up ever since I left. I had some choice words for him, but I told him to back off and give me space. He has ignored my request for space though. I might have overreacted by flipping out and leaving his place, but his behavior came off as kind of controlling to me especially when he physically tried to prevent me from leaving.
I don’t see myself as someone who needs to be fixed. I kind of want to end things, but everything until this point has been amazing. AITA for freaking out over this and refusing to talk to my boyfriend?
Reddit users say OP is 'Not The A**hole' but her boyfriend definitely is. They were appalled at his twisted and controlling behavior. What in the heck is wrong with having good dental hygiene? Does this guy have a morning breath fetish or something? In any case, his conduct definitely raises some major red flags. Hopefully, OP will dump this cavity-loving loser and find true love with a hot dentist who lives to floss.
From Kiruna235
It's perfectly normal. My SO does this. I personally take it as a compliment that my SO feels I am worth the extra effort while not requiring me to also get up and brush my teeth. NTA. Hope the boy is an ex now. That physical attempt to keep you at his apartment was a definite alarm for me, and his disrespecting your request for space sealed it. The relationship is not worth salvaging IMO.
From NickiLT
I wake up at 5.30 am & go to the bathroom, if I know there may be some “action”, I definitely also brush my teeth before going back to bed! NTA
From Rooster_Local
NTA. He acted like a condescending ass. Respectful people shouldn’t have to “teach a lesson” to their partners. If you have a legitimate concern, you sit down and talk about it like adults. If he thought you might benefit from therapy or something, he could bring that up in a conversation. Also nothing you described sounds like a problem to me at all, or even especially abnormal.
From foxyroxy2515
Rational adults don’t hide toiletries. Rational people don’t force others to step down to a lower standard of hygiene just because they have a lower standard. If this is now, how will he behave if he is your husband or the father of your child. NTA Listen to your instincts cos they are right.
From uninvitedfriend
NTA, and good for you! It's not about the toothbrush, it's about him deciding he knows what's good for you more than you yourself, him thinking it's his place to teach you a lesson, and him going behind your back and messing with your property for petty reasons with the knowledge he may be needlessly confusing you.
He doesn't respect you, and that will come up in other ways if you stay with him. Plus he's probably going to give you gingivitis if he's this offended by a healthy oral hygiene routine lol
From FragrantOccasion6962
I’m so confused by this because doesn’t everyone brush their teeth at least 2x a day? Like isn’t that considered the norm?? Anyways NTA. It’s a 4-month relationship and doesn’t seem worth salvaging.
From Empty-Masterpiece242
NTA. Um, of course it’s normal, especially since you’re basically doing it as a courtesy for him, not just because you feel compelled to brush your teeth precisely at 7 am.
What’s REALLY not normal or healthy is that instead of just talking to you about it, he hid your toothbrush and then started an argument with you about your hygiene habits. He really full-on thought he got to dictate when you brushed your teeth? That’s nuts. God only knows what other bonkers things he might have done, but glad you don’t have to find out.