Woman creates major family drama over Thanksgiving turkey; 'My BIL started it and the holiday is ruined.' AITA?

"AITA for voluntelling my BIL to do the Thanksgiving turkey?"

Last year, my mom's family decided that they would be turning this Thanksgiving into a family reunion. She comes from a very large family, and so far 53 people have RSVP-ed to come.

The dinner itself will be hosted at my mom’s house, which is great because one of her brothers lives next door so there will be two kitchens to work with. She asked if I would plan the menu, and I agreed.

Planning the menu took a lot of work. There's limited space to cook even with two kitchens, there has to be enough food for 53+ people, and there's a lot of food restrictions.

My mom’s family is Jewish and everyone keeps varying levels of kosher from only during Passover, to never mixing meat and dairy. Half the people coming are also vegetarian/vegan, some due to allergies, three people have Celiac's, and a few keep keto.

Not to mention the variance between picky kids and adults who are looking forward to trying the creative dishes I'm known for. But, I still did it, and last week I posted it in the group.

Everyone was pretty nice about it and seemed excited. A few changes were made like adding a pre-made frozen keto cheesecake, and adding dino nuggets for a particularly picky kid. The one person who wasn't was my BIL.

The only meats that will be there are a ham my uncle volunteered to cook before I was even planning, and some grilled fish. He commented, “Thanksgiving with no turkey?!” and a few people responded with laughing emojis.

Then he texted me about it. I told him there was limited space to cook, and everyone else seemed happy, so we could get him some Oscar Meyer, or he could cook one himself in the smoker, the only space left. He said he wasn't driving two hours to have to cook. I said no turkey then.

Then my sister texted me. She told me how upset he was. I told her what I told him. She didn't agree with me, saying I should smoke it myself, I said no there was a large menu to be cooking without additions. She still didn't agree, but left me alone. Her husband, did not. I have received texts every day since.

Yesterday I had it, I was not going to be getting these texts for two more months so I added a new post, “Congrats turkey lovers! A new menu item has been added, BIL has volunteered to make a turkey!” An hour later my sister called me to tell me how pissed BIL was.

I asked if she knew how much he had been texting me. She did not. She still said I should've asked her to make him knock it off instead. BIL asked me to take down the post and say I lied, I refused. They got my mom involved who said I should've been more mature.

He had really pissed me off by continually messaging me, and I don't think he understood the level of thought into making the menu. But maybe I shouldn't have done what I did. So am I the asshole?

Let's see what readers thought:

foatu writes:

YTA. He seems annoying. But you could've ignored it. But the fact is you DID lie, and you won't own up to it. You could've easily told the truth that he was whining about it and you were wondering if someone would take it on. But instead, you chose to lie about something he never agreed to do.

naige writes:

ESH. Your brother should not have over reacted and accepted his fate but why was he the only one who's dietary request was ignored? Keto, coeliac and vegan got catered for. Even Dino nugget was accomodated..

But your brother wanted Turkey, traditionally the one thing a guest could expect to have at Thanksgiving. I agree cooking a whole turkey would be excessive, but surely you could have got a turkey breast and cooked that. It takes very little effort. Others may also have liked turkey as it is often the only time of year they get to eat it.

dwinxrat writes:

NTA. Is he always so petulant and entitled? They could easily prepare a turkey at home and it would survive the 2-hour trip to the reunion.

In any case him pestering you about it and showing no appreciation for all of the bobbing and weaving you've done to accommodate everyone's dietary preferences and restrictions is what's immature here.

If this nonsense continues you should mention that brother-in-law doesn't need to make a turkey because just by showing up he's bringin' it. NTA

flod writes:

YTA I’ll be in the minority here but being an A in return doesn’t help and isn’t the right thing to do. It would’ve been ok though if you’d said, ”If you bring this up one more time I’m going to post a happy announcement that you’re bringing a turkey.”

datstar writes:

He absolutely should NOT prepare a turkey at home at bring it on the 2 hour drive! BIL should buy a leave in remote thermometer. Then, he should spatchcock a turkey. Season it the night before. Put it in a cooler Thanksgiving morning and drive to the Mom's house.

Put the turkey in the smoker with the thermometer probe(s) in it. Set the remote to 160F and clip it to his belt. Then, walk around the house smugly with the thermometer on his belt while everyone is prepping everything else because he is cooking the turkey.

Bonus points if the smoker is a pellet grill and he doesn't even have to do anything fiddly with charcoal every 30 minutes or so and just has to fill the hopper every couple hours, if at all.

hawder writes:

You're a gem to be so accommodating!! I was vegetarian for 4 years and when I went to events if I wasn't sure there would be appropriate food for me, I ate ahead and/or I brought something extra that I could eat And share with others. Or I picked meat off of things.

Same for when I spent a year doing keto. My diet restrictions are my problem, not the host's!

When it somehow became my responsibility to host all the holiday events for my family I changed things up. We did a lot of appetizers/snacks and that was it. People could come and go within a certain timeframe (usually 12pm-12am so older people could come early and hang out for a bit then leave and the younger crowd could stay late and party.).

And after a few years or this, I asked that everyone bring something as well. Why should I have to do all the cleaning, prep/cooking, recleaning etc AND pay for all the food??

(I think turkey is gross and it makes the whole house smell like farts when it's cooking for 6 hours. No thanks.)

flatttt writes:

NTA, Turkey is a ton of work. I applaud anyone that's willing to make it. I want turkey in Thanksgiving but I won't think of imposing on it. He definitely sounds entitled and him texting multiple times a day is pure harassment. I love how everyone thinks that you should be mature while giving him a pass.