Woman wants boyfriend to skip friend's 'wedding' for family's lake trip, 'he's not invited.' AITA?
"WIBTA for making my boyfriend miss a 'wedding' to go to lake house with my family?"
25F and BF 27. We started dating in early 2023. I live in a different state than my parents. The state our lakehouse is in is almost in the middle of where I live and my parents (and brother) live. My parents both travel a lot with work so I don’t see them very often.
In 2 weekends, my parents asked if my bf and I would like to go to our lakehouse for the weekend with them, my brother and his wife, my niece and my grandparents. This will be the first time since before my bf and I were dating that we will all be together like this.
Now why was it a "wedding?" My boyfriend has a friend from college who is getting married that weekend. I’ve only met this friend once and I don’t think my bf has seen him much since college. I don’t think they’re that close. Let me preface this by saying I kind of feel bad for him…
When they got engaged my bf told me about it and was going on about how great of a wedding it’s going to be. After a few months go by it turns out my bf was not invited to the wedding (which isn’t small, 150+ guests). He found out through a friend who was.
Recently (like a month and a half ago) the friend reached out to my bf and invited us to the after party. So after the wedding and reception (this after party is NOT the reception) they have a bus to a bar where some people from the reception will go. This party will be from 11-2. He’s over the moon and wants us to go.
I think we should go to the lake house because this is a rare opportunity. I might be an ahole because we heard about the “wedding” first. Splitting up is possible but I want him to be there and he wants me to be there.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Over-Ad9975 said:
YWBTA if you "make" you boyfriend go. Your boyfriend had prior plans and these plans do seem important to him (even if they don't seem important to you). So making him go with you instead of a prior commitment that he had would be the AH move. I'd say that splitting up for the events is a better move.
Friarboy said:
Yes, YTA for "making" him. Have a grown up conversation and decide to go to one or the other, or split up.
huevorch said:
YTA. He clearly wants to go, and it was a previous commitment. I don’t think you get to decide if it’s OK for him to want to go or not. It might not even be the friend, but all the other friends that he’s going to meet from college what is making him want to go, even if he is not being considered for the reception. What makes you AH, is to have to force him into something. That’s never something good in a relationship.
rheasilva said:
YTA. What kind of invite he got is actually irrelevant & is muddying the issue. What happened is that your boyfriend was invited to an event where several of his college friends would be. He was invited to this event at least a month ago and is excited to go.
You have subsequently decided that now is a great time for him to meet your extended family at your lake house, & you think he should ditch his previous plans to do what you want.
There is no consideration of what he wants, merely an assumption that the event isn't that important. YOU want to go to the lake house, so YOU go. Let your boyfriend decide on his own, without your mean-spirited little "suggestions."
Top_Journalist433 said:
I mean, maybe he isn't ready to meet your whole family in such close quarters for a lengthy period of time. That would be a lot for me. It's also a possibility he doesn't care about the wedding and is just excited to hangout with other old college friends...and that's OK and understandable compared to being cooped up at a lake with so many strangers. YTA.
GhostParty21 said:
YTA for creating an issue where there isn’t one. You go to the lake house, he goes to the wedding after party. There is no conflict here.