Woman makes cousin's pregnant GF sleep on couch over Thanksgiving. AITA?

"AITA for making my cousin's pregnant GF sleep on the couch over Thanksgiving?"

My (38F) Aunt (60ishF) hosted Thanksgiving this year at her fairly large house. She was really eager this year to have my mother's family join this year, including me and my sister her husband, and her kids because haven't seen each other in a while. She was insistent that we all stay at her house so we could spend more time with each other.

Before I agreed to go, I confirmed with her that I would be able to sleep in a bed, in a room with a door that closes. I'm ok with sharing a bed or a room, but I need an actual bed or a room. I am the only one of my siblings or cousins who is single or childless/childfree.

Because of this, historically I have been relegated to the living room couch or floor during holidays. It has always sucked. I am overweight so I wake up with back pain. I have had air mattresses deflate on me overnight due to a hole.

I can't fall asleep until the the younger adult family members finish hanging out at 1 am and then I get woken up at 6 am by someone making coffee.

People keep on moving my luggage. I get only a couple of hours of bad sleep and wake up in pain. I have pledged to myself that if I wasn't able to get a real bed in an actual room, that I would get a hotel room.

Thanksgiving week arrives and I'm pleasantly surprised that I was assigned a room and a Queen bed to myself. All of the adults had beds they shared with thier SO. It was great for the first night.

But the day before Thanksgiving my cousin (35M) arrives with his GF (28F) who is 6 months pregnant as a surprise. He had originally told my Aunt he wasn't going to be able to make it because of work, but he just wanted to surprise her. But now, there isn't enough beds for everyone.

My mother said that I could give up my bed to the couple and sleep on the air mattress in the den, but my Aunt insisted I stay in my room. My cousin ended up on the couch and his GF on an air mattress.

My mother is now lecturing me about being a bad guest. She thinks I should of insisted that my cousin and his GF take the bed, especially because she is pregnant. AITA?

Edit: To answer the question of why my mother couldn't give up her bed and sleep on the couch. She was sharing her bed with my father, and they are both in thier late 60's.

Let's see what readers thought:

hagpuo writes:

Soft YTA. There were too many people in that house whether your cousin pulled this nonsense or not. Even you were surprised when you were assigned an actual room with an actual bed. So why not prevent the issue and ensure that you'll have privacy and comfort by booking a hotel?

Yes, I recognize that your Auntie was pushing you to all stay in her home but you would have been better off if you had politely declined. Ultimately, you agreed to this gigantic and protracted slumber party and your mother is right that it was poor form to put a pregnant guest on an air mattress. You should have insisted that she take your bed.

hutty writes:

NAH. I just hope it doesn't come back to bite you in the ass at a later date. If you are ever in a condition that makes sleeping on an air mattress on the floor either impossible or very, very difficult...

anyone else who wants a real bed come holiday-visit time might remember your refusal to accommodate another family member with a genuine physical need and argue that they, not you, "deserve" it. Myself, I wouldn't risk it.

I also remember what it was like to be very, very pregnant. I don't know how far along she was, but I can't imagine getting up from the floor when too big to see my feet or bend over and touch my knees, much less the floor. I know for a fact I didn't fit on the couch either. I bet your mom too remembers what it was like, and that's why she encouraged you to let gf and cousin have the bed.

agapohuuuuuu writes:

NTA. Cousin is the true asshole in this scenario for doing that sort of surprise without considering accommodations ahead of time. Also, if he was concerned about his pregnant partner after discovering there wasn’t a bed, he could have / should have gotten a hotel room…

but instead he let her sleep on the air mattress, so he either wasn’t that concerned or is too cheap to pay for the hotel room. (I don’t actually think the air mattress is that big of a deal, but if it WAS a problem for your cousin or his partner then the solution is they get a hotel room, not that they hope someone else gives up an established bedroom).

Your mom shouldn’t have volunteered you either or continued to harp on it to you. But whatever the case, you aren’t TA for holding your ground and keeping your bedroom.

gaghu writes:

Yta. I couldn’t care less about “poor me I don’t have kid so have to sleep on the couch.” That is honestly the attitude of someone so spoiled. Jesus. In my family we would be falling over ourselves to make SURE the pregnant woman slept on a bed, no question. I cannot IMAGINE being so selfish. What is this world coming to that people only think about themselves?

agshup writes:

Anyone else in the house could've done the same exact damn thing. It's not on OP. The cousin is the biggest asshole, he's the one who brought a surprise girlfriend without making prior arrangements, and could've easily gotten a hotel for the night. NTA.

aaphul writes:

They knew there wouldn’t be enough beds, that’s wasn’t the problem. They just thought they’d be entitled to OP’s bed/room bc it’s two and a half of them and that OP would just give it up to them, which frankly isn’t OP’s problem.

My fiance and I were having this conversation just the other day - some people just don’t care to think about other people, as long as they think about themselves everyone else can figure it out bc that’s what they assume everyone else is doing too.

It’s like the kind of people that will sit in the middle of a couch with their legs spread when there’s not enough seating room for everyone, rather than choosing to sit towards the edge and leaving room for other people.

Their comfort is more important than worrying about someone else, and everyone else should just understand and work around it. It’s not to say they’re bad people, bc usually they’re not, but they just don’t understand how selfish they’re being by not thinking about the others around them.

pkloyyy writes:

I have much the same issues. I am the single in a family of 4 married siblings, and I always got the couch or blow up bed.

The last time I stayed with my parents there were tears involved because I was (again) required to sleep on the sofa because of oops- car didn’t start! Had a huge blow up with mom about it- and she ended up crying. I stayed on the sofa that night and went home again in the morning.

I didn’t stay the week because I was tired of being the one put out. I got calls from everyone about it and told them all the same thing- until they stay on the couch in the living room for a week I didn’t want to hear about it.

My parents called again- I just told them that they had time to call and let me know so I could make other arrangements, but they decided to let me show up and find out even though they knew since noon- long before I departed to visit.

I would have stayed in a hotel (town had two) but to have to sleep on the couch? It took my allergies a week to calm back down after that. So, no, I was not coming back that year.

And I didn’t. I also never had that issue again because my dad realized that I wouldn’t put up with it anymore. Just because I decided not to breed doesn’t make me a second place citizen.

My mom still has issues with why I just won’t this once- because it’s never once, has never been just once, and will never be just once. In moms fam, no kids means you still are one and should accept that forever. So NTA!

ahpurt writes:

NTA. Thankfully you addressed your needs well before the visit. So your aunt worked with that and agreed. I'm so glad she stuck to her word. The guy and his GF should have gotten a hotel room if it was a concern, since they were NOT on that list of attending/known. It's crazy that they didn't sleep in the same air mattress...but whatever floats their boat.

It's nice your aunt accommodated the pregnant gf but not your responsibility or your aunt's to kick someone out of an preassigned sleeping arrangement. Your mom on the other hand...is the AH. She needs to have boundaries. Don't entertain the Convo with her. If she brings it up, stop the Convo. This is not up for discussion and you are not responsible for others mistakes (not making prearrangements).

port12 writes:

YTA but you won't realize it until yr six months pregnant and sleeping on an air mattress. If you think you have back pain now, just wait. And don't even get me started on trying to get off the air mattress. Lol.