I'm a 23-year-old female, and I recently gave birth to a baby boy. My relationship with his father wasn't exactly a healthy one, so it was mutually decided that he wouldn't take a personal role in raising his baby. Instead, I'd raise him with my mom and dad (58-year-old female and 60-year-old male).
My parents had never approved of the relationship and certainly didn't like my boyfriend. Despite that, upon learning about my pregnancy, they were absolutely amazing and provided me with a lot of support. Naturally, I asked my mom if she would be my birthing partner, and she happily accepted.
As the months went on, however, my mom started becoming distant with me. She was still wonderful and helped me so much with things like setting up a nursery in the spare room, rubbing my back when it ached, and providing advice, but something seemed colder about her. Upon asking my dad, he told me I was being silly and that mom was fine.
One night I came downstairs only to see my mom crying on the sofa and clutching one of the soft toys we'd bought for my baby. She saw me and yelled at me to go upstairs and leave her be. She expressed that she still wanted to be my birthing partner the next day, and I perhaps stupidly glossed over it.
Soon enough, the day came that I went into labor. I was concerned about my mom's behavior, but I wanted her with me, and she came into the delivery room. Maybe an hour into my labor, my mom said she felt stifled and needed to get some air. She was gone for over an hour, and one of the nurses went to try and find her but couldn't.
I rang her and told her she was wrong to have left me, and she screamed at me that my labor was my problem, not hers. I hung up and basically spent the rest of my labor in tears. My dad came as fast as he could from work and was furious at my mom.
Some extended family members now believe I was cruel to my mom for expecting her to be there for the entire birth and agree with her that I shouldn't expect her to "fix my problem." I didn't agree, but now I'm feeling guilty. Did I expect too much of my mom?
Here are some of the top comments.
NTA (Not the A%#hole) but at the same time, it sounds like your mom has a lot of issues she needs to deal with. She’s probably sad that your life hasn’t turned out the way she hoped, that her grandchild isn’t going to have a father, because of the choices you’ve made.
She maybe also sad and a bit angry or resentful that she’s going to spend her golden years raising your baby instead of enjoying her retirement and freedom. She probably didn’t want to express these things to you, but I’m betting she’s feeling them.
I made my twenty year old daughter move out when she got pregnant. I didn’t desert her and helped her find resources to do the things she needed to do to become a grown up on her own.
From your narrative it sounds like your mom is facing the same dilemma. Your living in her house. You will expect her support and it may be more than she wants or is able to give. She was probably looking forward to her empty nest years and you’ve taken that from her.
This baby is your problem not hers. Grow up and learn to take care of yourself. YTA (You're the A%#hole)
"Instead, id raise him with my mom and dad" YTA for that alone. Time to grow up.
What do you think? Was OP right to be upset with her mother for leaving her alone while in labor?