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Woman makes husband block friend with 'weird energy' who warned him not to marry her. AITA?

Woman makes husband block friend with 'weird energy' who warned him not to marry her. AITA?


"AITA to ask my husband to block his female friend who warned him not to marry me?"

I (26F) want my husband (27M) to immediately block one of his friends Kyla (27F). He thinks I am overreacting, and wants opinions from some cool-headed people on if I am just acting crazy, or this is something that would cross the line for you.

My husband has a group of 8 friends he is close with since his college days. Kyla is one of his friends. When my husband and I started dating, he introduced me to all of them, and everyone was very friendly. I used to hang out with them frequently.

I am an introvert, and so is my husband. I would always ask him to spend time alone as being in social settings just saps all my energy away. His friends, and especially Kyla always made it a point to tell me how he hangs out with them less after he started dating me.

Kyla also had a weird energy around me. If I was with my husband, she would be the most friendliest with me. However, as soon as he walked away, she acted like I did not exist. My husband hates to be touched by others (we both are ND), but Kyla would always tease him by trying to hug him, mess his hair, etc. I never felt she was flirting with him, but just teasing him to make him annoyed. Overall, she just feels like a person who has a severe social boundary issue.

We got married two years ago, and things have been great between us. Last week, we had our second marriage anniversary and invited a bunch of people. His friends stayed back after all the guests left, and we were all drinking and chatting. One of his friends Jen became a bit tipsy and started complimenting me on how beautiful our house is, how I care for my husband, and how he has changed for the better since marriage.

Everyone was laughing at my husband at how much of a slob he was when is was single. Jen then pointed at Kyla and said, "You better pay up, coz you had bet that their marriage would not even last for two years". Everyone became silent and started changing the topic. I also did not want to spoil the mood, and let it go, but it stuck in my head.

After everyone left, I asked my husband what Jen was talking about. He also had noticed Jen saying that and was ready with a full explanation. He told me the story of what happened when we got engaged. When he proposed to me, he had not told his friends that he was going to do that. We went on a trip to Puerto Rico, and he surprised me there.

We put our engagement pictures on Instagram while we were on the trip, and it was a big surprise to everyone as we were only dating for 1 year. When he came back and met all his friends, everyone congratulated him. However, Kyla started ranting about how he was a fool to propose so quickly, and she felt that I was not the right girl for him.

Seems like she said some unkind things about me implying I was a gold-digger. My husband's family is wealthy, but so is mine. She had said that she bet we would break up within two years if we got married. That is why Jen was taunting her about how happy my husband was with me.

I was very furious at this point, as I feel this is something he should have told me. I asked him to tell me truthfully if he had ever dated Kyla or had any history with her as he has always told me that he has never dated anyone from his friend group. He said that he has of course not dated or hooked up with Kyla.

However, Kyla had asked him out a few times when they were in college, and he always politely declined. I asked why is said no to her, and he said he just does not have any romantic feelings for her. I can see that because my husband does have a "type" based on me or the other people he has dated in the past, and Kyla is the opposite of that.

I am just mad at her for saying bad things about me, especially after knowing that we were already engaged and betting against my marriage. I told my husband that he needs to minimize contact with Kyla and she is not invited to parties at our house anymore.

He feels I am being too harsh for something she said almost 3 years ago. He also pointed out that, she has been very supportive to both of us, and also helped a lot during our wedding arrangements.

He feels she is just blunt and forthright when she speaks, but does not mean those things. He told me to take some time and calm down, and we would revisit this topic in a week. He is worried this will completely change the dynamics within his friend group.

Am I the AH for wanting him to block her and stop inviting her to our house? Do you think I am overreacting? I think betting against our marriage and bad-mouthing me behind my back seems like a huge betrayal. I am also mad at my husband that he kept this fact from me, and also never told me that Kyla asked him out during college days.

Am I just being crazy and reactive? How would you react in this situation? I don't want to distance my husband from his friends, but I also do not want to see that bitch Kyla's face again.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Ok_Perception1131 said:

NTA. I probably wouldn’t be that bothered if someone, at the time of my engagement, didn’t think it would last. It’s not uncommon for someone to think that and be pleasantly surprised when the marriage works out.

What would bother me is that she clearly has feelings for your husband and, rather than keeping them to herself (because he’s married and not interested), she’s expressing her feelings by flirting with your husband and icing you out when he’s not around.

Your husband should have put a stop to that nonsense a LONG time ago. However, I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt by thinking maybe he’s clueless and doesn’t notice, plus she’s been only cold to you when he’s not around.

HOWEVER, once you pointed out her behavior to him and explained it was making you uncomfortable, he should have stood up for you. That means he should have had a discussion with her in which HE states “I’ve noticed your touching me, etc and it makes me uncomfortable.

Also, you’re only friendly with my wife when I’m around. I’d like these behaviors to stop. If they don’t stop, I won’t hang out with you anymore.” Note that he needs to state that HE’s noticed these things and HE’D like it to stop; he shouldn’t try to put the blame on you by saying “My wife doesn’t like…” He needs to man up and stand up for you, his wife. And if she doesn’t comply, then he should follow through and cut her out of his life.

My husband has a former coworker who seemed (to me) to be stalking him on social media. He immediately said he would block her. I told him he didn’t need to (it wasn’t a big deal, we never see her in person anyway) but he blocked her anyway, as he said he didn’t want me to ever feel uncomfortable and that my feelings are more important to him than the feelings of a former coworker.

This is what your husband should be telling you: that he cares more about your happiness than the happiness of another woman who is secretly hoping his marriage will fail because she’s in love with him. Please show your husband the responses here.

aspermyprevious said:

NTA. Being “blunt” or “forthright,” isn’t a pass to be rude and contemptuous to your friend’s SO. I consider myself forthright snd yet I can still use manners and tact. I would dump a friend who was so snakeish to my husband and I.

1HourADay said:

NTA. It's definitely natural for you to dislike Kyla. Sounds like she's into your husband. It'll probably be hard for him to outright block her considering the dynamic of the friendgroup and the last thing you want is to turn all his friends against you.

Personally I don't think blocking her is the solution but to instead sit him down and seriously voice your concerns. That she would say something like that, that she touches him too often, that she would bet against your marriage behind your back. That stuff needs to be shut down and he needs to be on your side.

Personally I'd get drunk with them and make a cocky joke to Kyla when you're alone that she's jealous you ended up with him instead of her and laugh in her face but I'm petty asf LOL.

Artistic_Sun1825 said:

NTA. Her behavior towards you when you're alone shows that her opinion has not changed. It's up to your husband to trust you and believe you when you tell him she is two-faced. If he can't, then he's not a good partner.

s-nicolexo said:

If it changes the dynamics of the friend group then there is no one to blame but Kyla. She’s the one who feels the need to cross boundaries and make bets against your marriage. I wouldn’t stop going to events that she is invited to but I also wouldn’t invite her into my home nor to events that I’ve planned/hosted. NTA.

jacksonlove3 said:

She’s not “just blunt and forthright” she has/had a huge crush on your husband and that’s not an excuse to be disrespectful to you or to your marriage. Her behavior and comments were rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful and childish.

Maybe if she acknowledged & genuinely apologized for these things, it could be something to work thru but that’s your choice and whether or not she ever would. I’d be uncomfortable being around her knowing all this now too though. And your husband is making excuses. I totally understand not wanting to make waves in the friend group, but it comes down to priorities. NTA.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this couple?

Sources: Reddit
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