Woman makes husband give money from wealthy FIL to their daughter, 'He called me ridiculous.' AITA?

"AITA for making my husband give our daughter the money gifted to us for her future?"

Me (26F) and my husband (32M) had a baby in July of 2023. We had announced a little before Christmas of ‘22 that we were expecting and our families were ecstatic at the news. I have always wanted to be a mom, since I was a small child.

My Father-In-Law was so ecstatic at the news that he gifted us $4,000 for Christmas to help with medical bills and for the baby. My Father-In-Law is a half owner of a multi state, multi million dollar business, of which my husband is slated to take over with his sister sometime next year.

In our state it is a requirement to have a social security number prior to opening a bank account, which my daughter in utero did not have. Therefore, it was agreed to enter the money in our joint account until after our daughter was born. I don’t monitor this joint account because it’s at my husband’s bank, not mine.

To pay for medical costs associated with her birth, I had used my HSA, covering the full amount by myself. I also created her a bank account through my bank, which my husband was supposed to be a trustee on, but failed to sign the paperwork in time, so my dad was designated instead.

Today while driving home from an event, I asked about the $4K, considering our daughter is a year old, and asked for permission to withdraw the funds and enter it into our daughter's legitimate account. My husband started claiming that I already used the money for medical bills, and that I cashed it into my personal account.

I told him that I did not do that and showed him my account from that time period. He said that if it was in the joint account it is gone, and that he used it towards hunting land, which I didn’t give the okay to drop that money towards.

He then called me ridiculous for even bringing it up, and that our baby isn’t entitled to that money as it was for medical expenses and care of her, which he barely pays anything towards. I pay 75% of daycare costs, and all of grocery bills including formula/milk, and the baby is covered under my healthcare plan as his health plan is awful from his families business.

We split our mortgage 50/50, but I was the one who paid for the entire down payment. The whole situation was brought up when it did, as I am beginning to struggle to make ends meet, and have been unable to transfer money every paycheck to our daughter’s account.

I’ve been putting $150 away a paycheck, as I want to be able to help her get a car/go to college if she so chooses. I explained this, and my husband accused me of blowing through the money again and refuses to check.

I told him that I wasn’t asking, I was telling him that he needs to check and that he needed to figure out where the money went. Am I the ahole?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

UltraVioletEnigma said:

NTA at all, but your husband is gaslighting you and taking advantage of you financially. It sounds like your daughter is only your daughter.

It doesn’t sound like he is really contributing much compared to you, and spending your joint money on himself without asking you, etc. He is trying to make you think that you already spent that money instead of admitting that he took it.

Recent-Necessary-362 said:

NTA, but it’s time to tell on him. Sorry but it is. He’s financially controlling and it’s not going to get better because he’s irresponsible as f. Does he even bring anything to the table? Cause from what I’m reading you’re doing everything by yourself basically besides giving yourself the constant headaches.

fleaburger said:

NTA. There are red flags here. He's lying to you, he's gaslighting you, he's using your baby's funds for his own purposes, he's being opaque about other joint funds (that may be in his account but as you are married belong to both of you). Time to consider the future of your relationship - is there one? Imagine having this conversation for the next 5 years, 10 years, 20 years? You deserve better.

Bethsmom05 said:

NTA. Your husband has shown you he can't be trusted.

Peaceout3613 said:

NTA Tell him that if he doesn't show you where that money went, you'll be having a talk with his father about it.