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Woman's MOH role 'stolen' by younger sister after huge family blowout. 'Are you F-G kidding me?!' AITA? UPDATED 2X OVER 4 MONTHS

Woman's MOH role 'stolen' by younger sister after huge family blowout. 'Are you F-G kidding me?!' AITA? UPDATED 2X OVER 4 MONTHS

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When this woman gets her MOH role taken away from her, she asks the internet:

"My job of MOH was stolen from me after a family meltdown. AITA?"

My (F26) older sister (F28) has made me maid of honour for her wedding in one month and half sister (F21) is throwing a fit.

So for background my sister Laura and I were raised by our mom without a dad for the first 5ish years of my life. It was just the 3 of us until my mom met my step dad. They got married and had our little sister, Karrie not long after.

My step dad is an awesome guy. Before he came along Laura, mom and I lived in a tiny apartment with nothing much but second hand items and each other, but we were happy because we had a roof over our head and food on the table.

My step dad has an excellent job so once they married and had Karrie we moved into a nice big house, a mansion compared to our apartment, and started getting nice gifts at Christmas time and birthdays.

This is what Karrie grew up with, and whereas we grew up with a lot of it too I don’t think it affected us as bad because we remember what it’s like to be frugal and to not have much.

My mom to this day is still very frugal and we love to go thrifting or making our own items like we used to anyways, so Laura and I are very separate from Karrie in that regard.

Karrie has always been spoilt, but not in a throw a tantrum and ask daddy for a new car way, but she’ll ask for a $500 birthday cake and get it, buy name brand things only and if she can’t have something for whatever reason she’ll pout for 3 days and be moody.

So surprise surprise she still lives with mom and dad and doesn’t have a job of her own and they seem to be fine with it but whatever.

Anyways Laura’s boyfriend of 6 years proposed last year and we were all thrilled, he’s a great guy and we all love him. Back when she first got engaged she gave me, her friend Charlotte and Karrie a box of beautiful earrings that said...

“Will you be a bridesmaid?” And mine said “Maid of honour” We were all giddy and started coming up with ideas and discussing colours and cakes and all that fun stuff, but they decided to wait a year to save and to figure out what they wanted.

Well 4 months ago Laura announced she was pregnant, and as a family we were all excited. All except Karrie who remained quiet and didn’t say much about it. Laura then explained that her and Alan decided they want to have the wedding in two months, with about 30-40 people so that they can really celebrate before the baby.

Step dad offered them $10k so they could have their dream wedding, but due to the circumstances they asked if they could use most of that money on a house they were looking at instead and he agreed.

So Charlotte, Laura, mom and I have been frantically planning things and it’s been a lot of fun, except for the fact that Karrie hasn’t said much about it from the start and whenever we start wedding planning she either goes on her phone or will not pay much attention.

Finally Laura had a talk and asked her for more input and to participate more and Karrie agreed.

When we were on our way to the dollar store to pick up some wedding decorations Karrie scoffed and said “Dollar store decorations? That’s so tacky.” But we ignored her and did our thing.

When we asked if she would help us make hand made invitations she complained again and said it’ll look like a bunch of preschoolers made it and just stomped away.

Finally just recently we were all dress shopping, and Laura told us we can pick whatever dress we want as long as it’s blue, because she wants it to be simple and we would be paying for it ourselves.

So mom, Charlotte and I went into H&M and found beautiful blue summer maxi dresses (different styles, mom had lace, mine is a floral cotton) and Laura thought they were perfect.

Except Karrie, of course, and she wanted to buy this $2k bridesmaid designer gown she found online. My mom told her that was ridiculous, Laura’s gown didn’t even cost that much.

So Karrie of course pouted and whined so mom gave in and we all went to this fancy bridal shop. Karrie right away found a pink blush gown that she HAD to wear. But, it was $1k. Mom said a firm no, plus it’s not even blue like the other bridesmaids.

My sister then said blue was the stupidest colour for a bridesmaid dress because “we don’t even live near the ocean!” (?) Anyways we all left and she had her little pout and mom lectured her and told her this is a frugal wedding (it’s in our backyard, BBQ with only 30-40 people) and so she doesn’t need a 2k designer dress of any kind.

Fast forward to a few days later and Karrie says she found a dress to wear that she already had in her closet. Plus it was blue.

So we thought terrific! But when we went over to mom and dads Karrie strutted out in her old prom dress from high school, which is basically a puffy ball gown bedazzled with jewels, and as anyone does after high school she grew out of it so her boobs were spilling out and it overall was not flattering.

On top of all that she was wearing a tiara full of sparkling jewels that she claimed she bought just for the wedding. Mom and Laura were silent and finally I felt I had enough so I snapped and told her she couldn’t possibly be serious?

Wearing a dress fancier than the bride is one thing, having your boobs spill out is another, but also wearing a crown on top of that? Who does she think she is?

Karrie crossed her arms and said “I’m the maid of honour of course I’m going to wear a crown!” This is when we all get silent until Laura speaks up and says “Maid of honour? I made Amy made of honour, you and Charlotte are the bridesmaids.”

Well this triggered Karrie and she began screeching “WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM NOT MAID OF HONOUR YOU TOLD ME I WAS!” When?? “WHEN YOU GAVE US THOSE PRESENTS, I GOT EARRINGS BECAUSE IM MAID OF HONOUR”

Now I don’t know if for this past year Karrie really truly thought she was maid of honour and got the title bridesmaid mixed up, or if she was in denial or just simply didn’t pay any attention to detail, because I’ve been maid of honour this entire time and she hasn’t said anything about it until then.

But this caused her to have the worst melt down I think I have ever witnessed in my life. I truly thought people only acted like this in movies, or storybooks. Whenever a Redditor would post about a bridezilla or wedding melt down I always thought ‘This must be exaggerated’

But this has been the worst meltdown ever in our family. Karrie began screaming, crying. She ripped off her crown and stomped around until dad came down to see what all the fuss was about. Through her blubbering she told Laura her wedding was all wrong.

She said she should be using that 10k for a nice wedding instead of that ugly brick house her and Alan wanted, because that’s what the money was meant for. She also said it was the stupidest idea ever that my sister would want to get married while pregnant because “you look like a fat swan in your wedding dress!”

And again she rambled onto something about how blue is a dumb colour because we don’t live near an ocean. I think at this point she’s just pulling stuff out of her ass. Dad tried to calm her down and she finally screams that if she can’t be maid of honour then no one can, and she won’t go to the wedding.

At this point Laura is a mess and is crying her heart out and I’m ready to smack that little witch so hard that the crown stays off her head permanently. But before I can say anything Laura says fine, you can be maid of honour, you win. And just like that, Karrie stopped crying and she gave a small smile before going up to her room.

Mom and dad start arguing, dad saying there’s nothing you can do to control a 20 year olds behaviour, and Laura had went to the next room to call Alan about potentially canceling the wedding.

I’m so angry that I end up storming into Karrie’s room to see that she’s on her laptop ORDERING THAT STUPID PINK 2K DRESS. I was so dumbfounded at the nerve of her that I couldn’t even face her.

I left and didn’t say a word. Downstairs Laura is crying to her fiancé and the parents are yelling all the while Karrie is happily in her room buying stupid crap because she got her way. I don’t think I’ve ever been this angry.

I wish Laura had more of a backbone. I would have told Karrie to not bother coming if she was going to act like that. I don’t even know what to do now. I’m also hurt that Laura gave the title to her just like that because she screamed for it. I don’t know what to say or do to anyone. What should I do?

TLDR; big sister titled me maid of honour, but little sister threw and tantrum and now she is the maid of honour instead of me.

We live on a farm. So we have approx 6 acres of open space where we are holding the wedding. The cooks who are preparing the hotdogs and hamburgers will he wearing masks, the guests are all required to wear masks and we have hand sanitizer bottles at every table.

Sorry I had forgotten to include that. Personally I wouldn’t want to risk it too much but I’ll be wearing a mask and hand sanitizing constantly so I don’t have to miss my sister’s wedding and pray that everything turns out fine.

We also have a little tap at the side of our house we use as a sink all the time that’s available to guests. I forget that a lot of people right now probably aren’t taking any precautions at all, so I wanted to mention we are, if at least a little.

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

raralala writes:

You should talk to Laura and explain your hurt feelings. I know you don’t want to pile onto it but I think it would be best for both of you to express how you’re feeling. It could also be a good way to make sure Laura gets what she actually wants instead of just bending to other people’s will.

I have a feeling if she lets the little sister do what she wants then the wedding will NOT be about Laura and that’s not what anyone wants.

Then you should talk to your parents and tell them it’s a god damn shame that they are letting Karrie ruin such a happy event for Laura, they are very clearly putting Karrie’s happiness above Laura’s and that needs to be said by someone! I’d also like to know who’s buying the 2k dress, is it Karrie?

If so, then let her waste her money. If mommy and daddy are footing the bill for that then you should also throw it in their face that they are letting a child run their lives and YES you can in fact control a 20 year old, it’s called giving them consequences for their behavior.

If I was Karrie’s parent I would’ve disinvited her from the wedding myself, her behavior is inexcusable. I’d also tell her to get a fg job and start pulling her weight if she think she knows best about how to spend money. It sounds to me like she’s been allowed to be a spoiled brat for far too long and this is what you get.

ideascranky writes:

Please talk to Laura privately. Tell her she's not obligated to give in to a bully, which is what Karri is at this point. Tell her you have her back, but that if she doesn't stand up for herself, Karri is going to continue to bully her and everyone for the foreseeable future.

Talk to your parents separately. Tell them that they're enabling Karri to bully and emotionally blackmail them, the whole family, and most especially your PREGNANT SISTER during planning for HER wedding. Tell them you sincerely hope they're not planning to pay for the 2k pink "I'm the center of the universe" dress Karri ordered.

For now, set aside your hurt at the loss of the title, and do what a good MOH does, which is to have the bride's back.

If Karri throws another tantrum, shut that mess down fast. Take Laura out of the house and away from Karri. Simply state calmly that it's inappropriate for anyone to be putting a pregnant woman through this kind of stress, and it needs to stop right now.

Don't argue Karri's points with logic, or acknowledge that she has any say in anything to do with the wedding at this point. That just lets her use details to distract from the main point, which is that she's being insufferable so she can be the center of attention.

Frankly I hope Laura tells Karri and your parents that due to her behavior, Laura is no longer comfortable having Karri attend the wedding at all, let alone be part of the wedding party. Let her sit home alone in her prom dress.

dramacita writes:

As the other comments, talk to your sister first. Point out in the conversation that by agreeing, she is enabling this behavior. Is this how she wants to spend the rest of her life, hostage to youngest sister's meltdowns?

I would then point out to your parents just how unhealthy The Brat's lack of maturity is and how it affects all of you. That by them consistently giving into her demands/pouts they have trained her to be a very shallow human being in need of therapy.

She will never be a full functioning adult as long as they enable her behavior. And why would you wish to maintain a relationship that is one-sided with her?

As far as The Brat goes, tell her she is a big disappointment with her immaturity and walk away. I would not engage with her about any personal matters other than polite civility when discussing the wedding. She has earned a major time out from having a relationship with you.

I'm sorry that your parents allowed this to happen. I hope for the emotional health of your family that this is taken seriously enough that therapy/change is taken. If not, you are in for years of unnecessary drama and manipulation. xoxo.

zarina0 writes:

I don't like being this person, but honestly I would sit this whole thing out. Be a guest, sure, but if everyone is going to bow down to the little fit thrower, then I would not be ok with it all being smoothed over at the cost of you.

Yes Laura is pregnant and stressed, but Karri is acting like a child and Laura needs to learn how to say no to her. That is going to become a skill she needs real soon. Saying no to a child.

If they are fine with ignoring you, letting Karri ruin the wedding, and throwing money at her, then I would let them all do just that while you sit in your seat as a attendee, not party of their screwed up wedding party.

Let them figure out the wedding. Let them make invites or decorations. Let them deal with all of this. Not your job.

Because look, if Karri did this once and got away with it, she will do it again, and there you will be, again, probably on the wedding day, trying to calm down the little brat because she wants to wear glitter across her chest with rhinestones glued to her face and it isn't...

"fair" that she can't, as she threatens to smash the flowers and the cake, everyone agrees to let her glue rhinestones on herself and on everyone else. You really want to handle that? And have rhinestones glued to you? Nah. They created this monster, they can corral this monster themselves.

And now, OP's first update:

Just wanted to post an update on what happened this afternoon. When I made that post it was already 3 days past the Karrie melt down, so I gave it a lot of time and thought and soaked in everyone’s piece of advice on here.

Alan (Laura’s fiancé) had actually called me early this morning and asked if I’d be able to go over to see Laura, because he’s fed up with Karrie’s bullshit and we need to act fast. I was relieved to hear I wasn’t the only one fed up besides those on Reddit so I went over straight away.

Laura was on the couch in her PJ’s, hair unwashed and it looked like she had been crying the last few days. The image absolutely broke my heart and immediately she apologized to me and said she didn’t know what to do now.

Alan said he thought the 3 of us should all sit down with her and have an intervention, but Laura shut that down right away and said she doesn’t think she could handle anymore yelling.

I agreed that being yelled at is the last thing Laura needs, and it should just be me and Alan. But Laura was nervous about that too, (she didn’t want Karrie to feel like she was being bombarded?)

so finally after a few back and forths Laura decided that she just wanted me alone to talk to Karrie without mom and dad, and her and soo together made a list of things that I need to address with her so that way things don’t steer off topic:

(such as how it’s unacceptable to yell at a pregnant woman, no matter the circumstances. How disrespectful she was to criticize anything with the wedding and the name calling, and of course the most important part about her crying in order to be maid of honour).

I also decided to bring up with Laura about the fact that Charlotte and I (the other bridesmaid) were planning to have a fun bachelorette slumber party in a few days to help Laura celebrate.

Laura’s face lit up and she seemed excited. I told her it was supposed to be a surprise, and Karrie was supposed to come, but given the circumstances and the fact that it’s at my flat I don’t want her there anymore and I wanted to see if Laura was fine with that.

She said she was, and that she’d much rather have her other friend over instead in place of her. I told her that was completely fine, and after some more talking I made my way to mom and dads to see Karrie.

As soon as I walked in mom asked me what I was doing there, and I told her I needed to speak to Karrie. Mom looked around and in a hushed robe told me it’s best I leave, because the last three days after things were ‘resolved’ Karrie has been perfectly happy and no one in this family needs anymore drama.

I told mom I was sorry, but things in fact were not resolved. They were far from resolved. That’s when Karrie walked into the kitchen and asked what I was doing there. Mom tried to brush it off and say “Nothing, Amy was just coming to get something but she’s on her way out now.”

But I told her “No, actually that’s a lie. I’m here to talk to you about what happened the other day alone.”

Karrie didn’t seem pleased and moms face was as red as a tomato but Karrie and I proceeded to go into her bedroom to talk. I firstly told her how completely unacceptable it was for her to raise her voice and scream at a pregnant woman because of how harmful it was for the baby.

Immediately Karrie scoffed and said “No it isn’t. Don’t make up lies to make me feel guilty.” I told her what lies?

She said “The baby isn’t going to be affected just because I raise my voice. It doesn’t even know what’s going on you’re just making stuff up.” (What the - this girl I swear).

I decided it’s no use arguing with stupid so I told her pregnant or not, this was Laura’s wedding not hers, and all of the name calling she did and harsh criticism of the decorations was completely childish and unacceptable.

I then brought up the fact how her throwing that tantrum to get her way was the most childish thing I’ve ever seen in my life, and that if things were reversed and I made Laura take away Karrie’s maid of honour job she (Karrie) would have lost her mind, so how was it in anyways alright for her to do it to me?

In response to that she told me I’m acting so pathetic and that I reek of jealousy. She then said “There’s no real problem here you’re just jealous Laura decided she wanted me after all”.

I told her this was false, she wanted me, (otherwise she wouldn’t have asked) but agreed to make Karrie MOH to stop the fighting. Karrie then very smugly said there was nothing I could do about it now, so I’d better get over it.

That’s when I told her she was no longer welcome to the sleepover we had planned, and that Laura also did not want her to come. Until Karrie decides to apologize to both me, Laura, and our parents for her outrageous behaviour, she was no longer welcome in my (and my fiancé’s home).

Suddenly mom burst through the door, (I’m assuming she was listening in) and went completely ape. She told me I had no right to ban Karrie from the sleepover and from my house and that the only reason I was doing it was to get back at her.

She told me I was stirring up unnecessary drama and that at least Karrie didn’t mean to hurt feelings the other day, whereas right now I’m doing it on purpose. This is when Karrie begins to cry and moan about how I’m always bullying her, and I’m not being fair.

My mom then goes over to Karrie and starts rubbing her back and says “I know honey she’s being very rude to you right now, you didn’t start anything.” ( gag )

That’s when I notice step dad standing at the door and I said to him “Do you not see all this? Did she at least tell you she bought that pink 2k dress?”

Dad looked awkwardly between my mom, sister and me before saying “I think everyone is stressed out and no one means what they say. Sisters fight, and I know by the end of the wedding you’ll all be the best of friends again.”

At this point I really really had enough. I told everyone I was leaving, and mom got up and said the discussion wasn’t over. I told her actually it was over, and unless Karrie apologizes to me and Laura, I will not be speaking to her.

On my way out I heard Karrie say there was nothing she needs to apologize about but I kept walking.

To say that I was hurt and angry is an understatement, and with how my head was pounding I just wanted some Advil and juice, so I went to the nearest drug store.

Now, this part might have been where I crossed over the line, I’m honestly not so sure. But in my last post I didn’t mention (because I didn’t find it relevant) that Karrie has a boyfriend she’s been going out with for approximately 6 months. His name is Noah, he’s 27, he’s hardcore Christian and overall a really cool guy.

I’ve met him at the city’s university about 2 years ago, and we had a lot of the same courses together and became pals. He and Karrie have quite a bit in common (they both love animals, he fosters animals all the time and Karrie at that point was debating on studying to be a vet...

so at the beginning of January Noah moved back to our part of the city where he got a job as a pharmacist and that’s when he and Karrie started going out. (Which we were all cool with because he really is a great person).

Because of his Christian values he’s very excited to get married and have kids ASAP. He’s said multiple times he hopes to be engaged by the end of this year. Karrie is also his first relationship, which might be another reason why he’s so anxious for the commitment.

Anyways: I got some Advil and juice and was surprised to see Noah, because I didn’t know he worked at this particular pharmacy, so he waved me over and saw the Advil and asked if I was sick.

I told him no, just a headache from the wedding stress. He said “Oh? Karrie never mentioned any wedding stress, she said things were going terrific.”

This surprised me, but mostly pissed me off, so I asked him if that means she never told him about the situation a few days before. He had no clue, so I made it brief and I told him the highlights of her name callings, screaming, and choosing her own dress against my sister’s wishes and how now she’s the new maid of honour.

This surprised Noah and he said stuff like “Are you sure? I know Karrie, she always hates yelling. She didn’t actually make that big of a scene did she?” I told him yes it was all very, unfortunately, true.

Then I told him that if she talks to him, to please recommend her some sort of therapist (he knows quite a few) and I told him perhaps she might even need medicine for bipolar disorder for all I know.

I told him I am now out of her life unless she apologized, and if I were him I would think very carefully before making a commitment to her anytime soon.

He stood there and didn’t respond so I left and when I went home Alan and my fiancé were playing video games and they asked what happened so I told them everything. Alan and fiancé think I was in the right for everything including warning Noah.

Later on that evening however I got countless texts from Karrie and my mother who were furious that I mentioned anything to Noah just to “start shit” on purpose. I did not respond to any of the messages and instead I blocked both of their numbers for the time being.

As for Noah, Karrie has him wrapped around her little finger completely, so I honestly don’t see him doing anything drastic. He sees how she is when she’s pouty, and how she is when she’s spoilt but I think all of that goes over his head completely. But still, I felt I needed to say something.

I wish I could say I feel better and like a new woman...but I don’t. I feel hurt and betrayed. It feels like my throat and my chest are clogged and I honestly don’t know if it’ll ever clear.

At the end of the day Laura called me and said she really wants me as her maid of honour, but in order to keep the peace she is choosing Karrie. For now I will swallow my pride and my pain and support my favourite sister in anything she decides and I’m going to love my new niece/nephew to bits.

UPDATE 2 (4 MONTHS LATER):

Hey y’all, - many of you have been messaging me for an update! I’m sooo sorry it’s been awhile I never log into this account. So if you haven’t seen the previous posts I’ll link them below, (first post was here on the group, 2nd was on my profile because it got removed from here).

Laura had the wedding. It was before the 2nd lockdown and out in our family’s farm with about maybe 50 people that showed. Karrie wore the dress she chose because Laura caved and then wore the tiara thing she picked out.

Days before the wedding Karrie made Facebook posts directed at me, just statuses saying stuff like “Can’t believe my own family would be so toxic and bully me.”

Stuff like that. So eventually I blocked her. Honestly nothing too out there happened during the wedding. Karrie got drunk and tried to sing and dance and make the attention fall on her, of course, but nothing overly out there.

Gave me the cold shoulder big time and if I would enter the room she would announce that she can’t be around negative energy then leave, dragging her boyfriend with her.

Her boyfriend proposed to her, and texted me asking if I would please try to make things up with her and help plan the wedding. I told him I was sorry, but I still wanted to be his friend I just can’t have her in my life. He told me he was sorry and he hopes we one day reconcile.

Haven’t spoken to Karrie in months, but Laura is doing good and they still keep in touch. Mom and my stepdad have been silent and I’ve just been keeping my distance as well. I don’t have any of them on Facebook anymore but Laura keeps me in the loop.

Edit: on those of you saying I shouldn’t have told Noah I think Karrie is bipolar, you’re probably right. I want to say I never meant it in a malicious way. My good friend is bipolar, and recently started taking medication.

I began noticing similar outbursts and traits between the two of them, and it was my friend who suggested Karrie might be. I brought it up to Noah because I wondered (since he’s in the medical field) if he would have any knowledge or be able to convince her to see someone. I in no way judge anyone who is bipolar.

Also I in no way claim that I’m the victim or 100% innocent in this. Of course I’ve had my own arguments with Karrie before hand and during this, so I know she’s not just the bad guy here. I usually try to stay out of any outburst her or my mom has had in the past.

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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