Woman's mother feels 'entitled to her daughter's money;' 'Is this financial abuse?!' UPDATED 2 YEARS LATER

When this woman is upset with her mother's behavior, she asks the internet:

"My mom feels entitled to my money. What should I do?"

My mum doesn’t care about me or my life and most of the time she’s out with her boyfriend doing god knows what. I do my own stuff and pay for whatever I want with my own money because I have a part time job (I’m still in school)

Yesterday I bought new headphones I had been saving up for. When my mum saw this, she immediately asked me why I was wasting money on useless objects and told me to return it.

Here’s the crazy part: she got pissed and now wants me to give her 65% or minimum 60% if she’s “feeling generous” of the money I earn at my part time job, because I’m “her kid” and I “owe her for raising me and paying the bills in the house I live in”.

She’s insane. If she wants money so bad, she should ask her insufferable douchebag of a boyfriend for it and not her son who’s still in school. It’s not like she even lends me or gives me money at all in the first place, so now I have to pay to exist. Great.

edit: some extra info -I’m 16 -I’m from the uk -yes, I have been saving to move out when I’m 18. I’ve started looking into emancipation too -my dad is not in the picture and I have no idea where he is.

Relevant Comment:

Stop telling her about your money. But also, on a long term note, maybe you should chill on the fun purchases and save up for a much-needed departure from your mom’s home.

OP: I don’t. She doesn’t know how much I make but she wants anything she can get. I do hide my money that I saved up because I know she’ll definitely try to steal it if she knew how much I had.

Before we give you OP's update 2 years later, let's take a look at some top responses:

reaksiam writes:

Kids don’t ‘owe’ their parent(s) for raising them. It. Is. Their. Job. As. Parents. Literally, their job is to ensure their offspring are fed, clothed, sheltered, educated, and kept safe. Being instilled with some basic morality and kindness is a plus. Speak with your dad, grandparent, aunt or uncle.

Get your own bank account as soon as possible. Call banks that she doesn’t use and ask the age and personal information requirements to open an account. Get your social security card, birth certificate and keep them in a safe spot.

If you can’t access them, call the county to ask how you get a copy of your birth certificate and go online to social security to see about a copy of that. You may need these as your mother may not give them to you when you decide to move out.

jcswad writes:

Well if she is going to do that this is what you tell her: I am not going to pay you. Don't care if you are my parent. You are not entitled to this. I did not choose to be born, and if you try,

I am sure I can find say a policeman, or a government agency, and sing like a canary, about how you are as a parent, that you are now trying to steal/extort money from me. I wonder how that will work if that gets you put into jail. I think that there are people coming to talk to you, as I already have talked to them.

Contact your father or other family. If you are underage, contact the agency that is suppose to protect children and let them know excactly what all she is doing and what all she is not doing.

She is the adult and parent, her job is not to go out and party, but say be at home, cooking dinner and so forth. It is not to steal or extort money from her child, but provide funding as need be to her child, say clothing, roof and food.

gahagt writes:

Depending in where you live she may be entitled to make financial decisions on your behalf. It's pretty certain if you're in a Western country and a minor that you don't have a right to own property so your mom swiping your paycheques is what's known as a lawful awful.

I hate to break it to you but you're legally not a self-dependent person yet and you don't actually own anything. All of 'your' shit belongs to your parents.

If you have a problem with your mom taking what is legally recognized as her own money that she allows you to earn on her behalf away from your control, quit. That's within your rights. She's obligated to take care of you regardless, so mind your rights to shelter, security, food, and education.

While it is incredibly shitty parenting, it is completely enforced by most governments and there's f-all you can do because you don't have the rights and protections of adulthood yet.

dogcaghelp writes:

I had a friend in high school who’s mother would make her give her her pay checks. She would cash them and give her like $20 from them to buy lunch at school. She said the same thing, that she kept the rest was because she owed her for raising her.

I know you probably don’t want to hear this but you may have to just put up with it until you’re old enough to open your own bank account and have your checks auto deposited.

Time passes so fast and in a blink of an eye you will be 18. What she’s doing isn’t right but if you can put up with it, you don’t have long. Once you’re 18 a world of choices and opportunities opens up to you.

When my friend turned 18 she worked hard to take control of her life and move away from her mom. Her experiences with her mom made her stronger and more determined to succeed as an adult so that she didn’t have to ever rely on her agin. Her life is AMAZING now because of it.

legmoin writes:

I have seen so many stories about parents feel like they have a right to their child's income that it just makes me sick. I was fuming from the title alone.

Literally the only "right" a parent has to their child's money is if a debt is owed to them. Like... they bought you a car and you need to pay them back for it. Or... you're 20 and still living at home... you should probably be paying them some kind of rent.

But I've read lots of stories where the parents were like, "I raised you and raising a kid is expensive so YOU OWE ME." And that's just not even remotely how that works.

If you have a child, you are taking on the financial burden of raising them. If you don't want the financial burden of raising a child, there are options available for that. If you take on the financial burden, THAT IS YOUR JOB AS A PARENT and not a debt that the child owes you for later in life.

OP, if it's possible, get a bank account that your mother does not know about and have your money deposited into that. Also, do not tell her about or show her any of your purchases and do not discuss money as much as you are able.

Update 1 (2 years later):

Hello, it’s been a little over 2 years since my post but I remembered that I had a reddit account recently and logged in to find my post that I completely forgot about. Original post on my profile.

Here’s an update to my life since I posted that. A short summary, when I was 16 my mum started insisting I pay her wages because apparently what I make is hers too. Also she didn’t have a job at that time and was living off some government aid and her boyfriend.

I didn’t end up giving my mum 65% of my money but I did end up paying for a lot more stuff for her. She stole my money a few times cos her boyfriend is a fg dhead.

She had a little incident with him. I don’t know how to explain it other than they got into a fight and they started throwing furniture at each other, which caused us to get evicted and they broke up. Woohoo! After that she still begged me for money but other than that I just stayed out of her way for the most part.

I did my a levels and got a scholarship to university, and I managed to save enough so that I’m not completely broke. I share a flat with my friends now and my mum sometimes texts me for stuff but I mostly ignore her.

If anyone else has as much of an arsehole of a mum as I do then this is a reminder that it’s possible to get out! Just work hard and keep looking forward to things. Thanks for reading!