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Woman gets odd revenge on ex-BF when she invites his mother into her book club. AITA? UPDATED

Woman gets odd revenge on ex-BF when she invites his mother into her book club. AITA? UPDATED


When this woman feels like she may have taken things too far, she asks the internet:

"AITAH for letting my ex's mum into my book club for revenge?"

I (28F) dated Jim (29 M, fake name) when I was 24. We separated when I was 25, and I haven't talked to him much after that. But, I still sometimes speak to his parents, especially his mum, whom I have even introduced my FIL to, as they both love gardening.

Now, I have been running a small book club from my Uni days, with just a couple of lovely women, and we gather in my home library and talk about books on witchy or historical fiction. We also talk about gardening and old folk tales and I just consider it a very fulfilling hobby.

Jim's mum, let's call her Amy, asked me, last month if she could join my book club, as my FIL had mentioned it to her when they were chatting at the nursery. She thought it sounded great, and I said yes, and I didn't think Jim would mind, also, it wasn't his business.

Amy then joined one session and gushed about it to her husband who mentioned it to Jim. Now, the problem started there. I later learned that Jim's parents are not fond of his fiancé Beatrice, (30F).

Jim's dad thinks Beatrice has nothing in common with their family (the three of them are huge readers) and thinks that Beatrice is shallow, as she works with make-up and clothes (she is a boutique buyer).

Plus, the reason I interacted less with Jim and his parents following our breakup is that Jim dumped me for Beatrice, and even though I am married and they are somewhat friends with my FIL, Jim's parents think Beatrice is not right for their 'intellectual' son.

Apparently, at some family dinner, Jim's parents kept on speaking over Beatrice and mentioning how well I had been doing.

And Amy had been talking about what books the Book Club had recommended and I guess Jim's dad had made a comment on how he wished he had a daughter to talk about books to, and that had hurt Beatrice. Jim later called me and told me about all of this.

And that me letting his mum in my club has only given his parents more ammo to hurt Beatrice. I apologized, as I knew none of this. I later asked Amy to not talk about anything book club-related outside ( I made up a lie about how we pretend to be a coven and can't discuss these things with the outside world), even though it felt awkward and childish. I thought that would be it.

Except, Beatrice and one of her friends have made scathing posts on Facebook and Instagram and even tagged my FIL in one of them, on how snobbish and mean-minded 'bookish' women try to take other women's men because they can only read and 'act' smart.

Jim then again called me and said that Jim's mum had started a huge fight over it and she had taken back the jewellery she had given to Beatrice for the wedding. I was a bit shocked, as I rarely spoke to Jim after our breakup and only interacted with his parents when I ran into them (we live in a small town).

But he sounded and acted like I was the reason his family was going through a spat.

My husband and FIL are saying that Beatrice was lucky that I didn't think of retaliating and that I was not in the wrong. But I am starting to feel guilty and I need a second opinion. AITAH?

Edit: Many people are asking, so yes, Jim did sort of cheat on me with Beatrice. He admitted to having an emotional affair with Beatrice and dumped me. I later heard that his parents did not take it well.

Before the update, look at some top comments:

chronique writes:

NTA. Stay out of their drama. Not your circus, not your monkeys. You can be friends with his mother. It sounds like she enjoys you and your book club.

Jim is projecting his issues with Beatrice onto you. It has nothing to do with you. She made an immature attack filled post against his own mother’s interests, tagged her future FIL, and created her own drama.

HER actions caused MIL to take her jewelry back and good for her. Why give jewelry and your blessing to a petty b&tch who likes to manufacture drama and force people into it?

I would block Jim. He can have his prize Beatrice and you can continue to have a relationship with his mom who values and appreciates you. Yeah, she could have gushed about you less to spare Beatrice, but Beatrice’s behavior caused this whole situation and Jim defending her and blaming you shows they’re meant for each other.

Perpetual victims shifting blame to others instead of owning their own feelings and behaviors.

I would consider that relationship lucky. You got the best part of it - MIL’s friendship. NTA. Block Jim. Let Beatrice alienate herself from her future in laws with her own actions. Seems she wants the drama posting her rants publicly and tagging people. Ridiculous.

crime6 writes:

ESH. What does this even have to do with you? This is not your family. Jim's family drama is none of your business. This is between Jim's mother and his fiancé, who both come across very poorly. You can have a relationship with his parents.

This means Jim should have kept you out of it (in no way should you have apologized) and you should have said nothing to his mother.

crynot writes:

Nta. If Amy is your friend and you hang out, that is fine. Is Jim a friend still? If not, block the boy! Keep his drama over there away from your friend group. You have no control over their conversations. They read books before your book club, sounds like Amy is grateful for the opportunity to talk about one of her passions.

They may very well talk about other people too, and Jim is calling THEM about it. It’s not your business, HE needs to talk to HIS parents about it. Not you. The fact he roped you, talking to you, may start giving Beatrice doubts. Keep your peace, enjoy your book club/friends and tell Jim to stop badgering you.

ashtreeee writes:

You should just cut ties with his family. The whole situation is toxic. From his parents reaction to Beatrice to Jim cheating on you, to you letting his mother in your book club and introducing her to your FIL, staying friends with Amy.

Why would you want to be around a woman like her anyway that belittles and demeans Beatrice to her face? How narcissistic and cruel of her. Y’all need to cut ties, and let each other live their lives.

Now you didn’t do anything wrong technically, because Amy is an adult and you can’t control her behavior. But you can control who you allow in your life, and knowing you are Jim’s ex and how Amy is, why even have a relationship with her knowing it’s going to affect their family and Jim’s new relationship?

You’ve moved on and got married, move on and cut ties. It’s the right thing to do for all of you.

armadoom writes:

NTA Amy needs to be told off. Her actions are dragging you into drama and you're a happily married person who doesn't need it. She will be banned from book club if she keeps using you as a weapon to hurt others.

And she'd better apologize to Beatrice and tell her you never tried to steal her man and had nothing to do with this, or else it's no-contact. She made this mess, she can fix it.

Jim also needs to be told off. He needs to manage his own girlfriend. If she is insecure, then he needs to step up and have her back to his parents, or leave her. Men that spin around and whine about things not being their fault just make me cringe.

If his mom is poking the bear, then as a partner it is his literal job to defend Beatrice and tell his mom to knock it off. He doesn't get to call you and say "hey, you existing is causing problems with my relationship." Like what are you even supposed to do here?

Beatrice needs a nice little social media poke. "Love being dragged into drama when I am a happily married person. I haven't done, said, or tried anything. Just out here living my life and trying to enjoy my little book club.

Glad my husband always has my back and I have no reason for insecurity or doubts. Could only ever wish for the same kind of devotion and faith for everyone else." She wants to go low? Let her. Obviously her insecurity is being fed. But not by you.

They ALL need low contact or no contact for awhile. Clearly they are pot-stirrers.

And now, OP's update:

Well, not much has happened, but I thought I'd give an update. Firstly, to all the people telling me why I'd let my ex's mom to my book club, well, it has been three years. I hardly ever spoke to Jim and have no feelings about him or his life. He also seemed to feel the same way after the breakup, plus, it's a small town.

His parents were also very nice to me, and because they share some of the same hobbies as my FIL, I have to interact sometimes with them when I run into them at the bookstore, nursery, or the restaurant my FIL runs.

I honestly didn't think that Amy just asking to be in my club twice a month would make things awkward, as we wouldn't be interacting outside the book club or becoming friends.

As for my husband, well, he is mad about how Jim's parents have used my club to take a dump on his fiancé, but he is madder about how Beatrice took a dig at me when she didn't even know the situation.

I later apologized to FIL for dragging him into this, and he said that he had decided to end his friendship with Amy. I also decided to ask her to leave my book club, as this was not worth the drama she was bringing to my life.

I called Jim up, told him blaming me for his family's behaviour was not acceptable, and said I would not communicate with him further about this. I have been more than gracious, and honestly, some of the comments were right to ask me why I was still taking his calls.

I guess I need a wake-up call to stop being polite to my ex and his family. Jim, surprisingly, apologized for blaming me and passed the phone to Beatrice. She surprised me more, as she started by apologizing to me for the posts, and admitted that was uncalled for.

Also, I got my husband on board for the call too, and he asked her why she was taking digs at me, WHEN SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ME. Beatrice didn't reply to that, and Jim took over the phone and apologized to both of us. I then cut the call and blocked him.

I also wanted to get this over with in one setting, so I called Amy and told her that it might be in her best interest to not come into my book club as it was causing problems in her family, albeit very politely (sorry, the Asian in me cannot bring herself to be rude to elders no matter what).

Amy took it in stride and admitted that dragging me into this was not acceptable. She said she would miss my friendship, but she understood if I didn't want to be dragged into her family affairs.

She then started to rant about how shallow her son's choice of a woman was and whatnot and tried to explain the situation that happened, but I was done with it, so I excused myself and cut the call. FIL then told me that Beatrice had taken down the posts...

but he was pissed, so my FIL had already made another post tagging Jim and his family, on how they didn't know how to keep it in the family and were certainly not as classy as they seemed to be if they were slandering other people on Facebook. Needless to say, it was a tiring evening.

I guess that would be it. From what little I gathered from Amy's rants, Beatrice was insecure, as when they got together, most people in Jim's circle thought of her as the affair partner, and did not respect her.

Plus, she was always self-conscious that Jim was more well-read than her, and I guess Amy mentioning me triggered some old insecurity in her. But then again, how is that my fault? I didn't know her then and I don't know her now.

I am very happily married and I haven't really thought about them in these years, before all this drama. Hopefully, this is the end of it, so I won't be updating anymore.

Sources: Reddit
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