Woman plans to ban father from her house because 'he won't stop calling it an apartment.' AITA?

"WIBTA for uninviting my dad from our house until he stops calling it an apartment?"

My husband and I (both in our 30s) bought our first house last year. It's an end-terrace in a major city, meaning it's small compared to countryside houses and shares a wall to another house. It's a house in our contract, in the bank valuation, by common sense, by all definitions.

My family is from the countryside. As soon as my dad saw the plans of the house, he started referring to it as an apartment and thought it was super funny. I thought it was weird, but knowing him, I just chuckled and moved on with conversation. Then it became a thing.

He only ever referred to it as an apartment. I didn't laugh at it anymore, just said "Come on dad, it's a house", but I didn't make it a big deal and moved on. One day, we had a phone conversation and he again called it an apartment mid conversation. I said "Dad. It's not an apartment. It's a house." and let some silence hang in the air.

It got awkward and he laughed it off, saying "Of course I know that, I don't mean anything by it..." "Then please call it a house. You're being impolite." "Okay, okay..." Now, he makes it a joke to overcorrect himself. He talks about our "apart- OH NO I'm the HOUSE hahaha" while making faces.

Not great, but I'm just exhausted at this point. Please note HE HAS NEVER VISITED THE HOUSE because he lives so far away. We usually visit him. He's only seen it on images. So last weekend, he stayed over for his first visit. It was a nice weekend, apart from me ignoring his jokes and some other quirks of his.

But overall, pleasant. Then yesterday, it was my grandma's birthday (his mum). My whole family was there (50 people) apart from me due to the distance. I called my grandma in the evening and she asked me "Did you move? I thought you bought a house last year." "No, still living in our same house. Why?" "Your dad's told everyone that you live in an apartment now."

I then talked to grandpa who for the first time started referring to our house as an apartment. I later had my mum and uncle on the phone who always referred to it as a house, but now call it an apartment. And my mum told me dad even goes so far to call it a chicken den to her and my sisters because he finds it so ridiculous.

Apparently, it's still the funniest joke to him, but the rest of the family takes it as fact. I'm fed up. I want to tell him that he's not invited anymore until he starts being respectful, but whenever I have an opinion, I'm being "hysterical" and in the wrong.

My husband is Teflon - he thinks my dad is not very bright about social cues and I should not argue with an idiot, but I'm not as unfazed as he is by this kind of stuff. So WIBTA if I tell him to leave me alone and not stay over again until he changes his attitude?

Later, OP edited the post to include:

EDIT: I live in the UK, it is called a house here. He actually calls in a flat, I just incorrectly Americanized for some reason. Apologies.

EDIT 3: Thanks for the input everyone! I have written a long message, in which I expressed my frustration to my dad about him repeatedly calling our house a "flat," even though I had asked him not to.

I explained that while the word itself didn’t matter, it hurt that he ignored my feelings. I said it became more upsetting when he said it in front of other family members, and they started using the same term. I asked him to stop making this joke and to respect our home the way I see it.

He has a habit of talking over me on the phone and not properly listening to me, so I figured a message would be more effective. This was his response: "Hey big girl (I'm tall)… so, actually, yesterday we were mostly talking about what a nice weekend it was...The topic of the flat or whatever it is was really just a side issue...

By the way, I didn’t even talk about it during the whole weekend with you guys...why would I?...it’s not that important to me at all...which is why I don’t need to pay much attention to it…and besides, the whole thing lasted at most 5 minutes... so everything’s chill...I’m a little surprised that this even made its way to you at all… Best, Dad."

I responded: "If it’s not that important, then I don’t understand even more why you insist on calling it a flat? Especially when I’ve asked you not to do so. As I said, I would really appreciate it if we could drop the joke."

He didn't respond after that. I later got a hunch and called my mum (his ex-wife). She was upset, but not with me. Apparently, he forwarded my messages to each of them and left very angry voice messages about my "hysteria", accusing them of "ratting him out" and "disloyalty" - they didn't say anything, it was my grandparents.

My mum lost it and gave him a huge telling off for speaking to all of us that way and that he should know better than to behave like this at their age (both 55). That he should be a more supportive dad and not such a "bull in a china shop". He hasn't been in touch with anyone since, I imagine he's sulking. He's never been great with criticism.

Anyway, I feel supported by my mum and guilty because I caused a family argument. I hope he mulls everything over and comes to the conclusion that he won't do it again. I didn't want things to blow up, just for the jokes to stop. Oh well.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

KaliTheBlaze said:

The next time he tries to defend it as a joke, tell him “Dad, it would have to be funny to be a joke. When I have to explain to everyone that you’ve told them a lie about me living in an apartment, everyone sees that you’re just a bully. Until you’re done being a bully, I’m done with you.

This isn’t just about the house, it’s about the way your humor is nothing but thinly veiled meanness. I deserve better treatment than you’re willing to give, so until you change your ways, I’m going to treat you like the childish bully you’re being and put you in time out.

When you’re ready to stop belittling me and things that are important to me, I’ll be willing to accept your apology, but you’ll be back in time out the next time you take a crack at me.” NTA. Some people need a wake-up call, and it sounds like your dad is due for one.

Tangerine_Bouquet said:

NTA. He's not joking. He's bullying you about something he knows you care about. Correct everyone else: "No, it's our house, but my dad's being an AH about it." Think about why, maybe it's "You know he hates the city." or "He has always put down others' accomplishments." or connect to something he said about them that they hate too. He should not weaken your other relationships!

To your dad: "You obviously hate it, so you don't have to be in it. You owe me an apology for trashing me to family members, and I'm done talking about it with you." If you think the relationship is salvageable, and this is somehow anomalous, you can tell him how much he has hurt you and how sad you feel that he can't be happy for you or support you.

LivsLivesLife said:

NTA. And if from the U.K. then suggest he get referred to a dementia unit because not only does he not understand the difference between a house and a flat, but he is also using an American word for a flat plus it’s a freaking end of terrace house- a prize and if he doesn’t get that he must be losing his marbles.

He is a major AH. And a bully. And the way to beat bullies is to make them feel small and stupid. Make sure you have a nice picture of it on your Christmas cards this year. And actually say “just in case dad’s possible dementia has confused you…” two can play at insinuation.

And keep double checking he knows what day of the week it is etc. and if he complains say with a totally innocent face “but it’s a joke? Don’t say you actually have dementia- humor is the first thing to go you know."

mamaleo29 said:

NTA because, at this point, it seems very passive-aggressive. It seems like a “put down” at this point. My daughter lives in a town house and never once have I referred to it as an apartment because…..it’s a house!

Arcane_As_F said:

NTA. Your dad is being a real bully.

RoundingDown said:

ESH - who cares? Let him call it whatever the f he wants. You own property.