Woman plans to cut off mother and 'golden child' brother, 'I sent SCREENSHOTS.' AITA? UPDATED

"WIBTA for cutting off my mom and my golden child brother?"

I (22 female) have always had a strained relationship with my mother and brother 20M. He has always been my mom’s favorite. If something happened she would always find a way to spin it on me or my older brother now 26M. My mom's favoritism caused a severe rift in my parents marriage to the point where dad requested a divorce.

My little brother and I for some reason stayed with my mom while my older brother opted to stay with dad. Things got much worse after that and I became their scape goat for everything. Things got out of control multiple times. Police were called due to my brother’s extreme behaviors.

Mom chalked it up to autism, but I have no memory of a diagnosis and when going through family records later on (mom kept everything.) I found nothing to suggest an actual diagnosis.

This family dynamic had an extreme toll on my mental health as well as a few untreated injuries from my brother’s extreme behaviors that mom told me I was being too dramatic about.

I finished school, went to college in another state where I met my fiancé 23M. We have our own place and two beautiful children and are getting married this spring. I attend weekly mental and physical therapy and I am a manager at a restaurant. Recently my dad had fallen ill and I I returned home to care for him on paid leave.

Usually my older brother helps him but had to travel for work for three weeks. My kids are with their dad and his family. Sometimes my little brother will visit. A few days ago he asked to come over to see dad. We agreed as long as he was quiet due to dad’s illness and our neighbors have young kids and dad had migraines.

I asked that he clean up after himself and that he brought his own money for food because I hadn’t shopped yet pending my paycheck the next morning. He didn’t follow these requests. He dismissed them completely. He was loud the entire time, spilled drinks on the carpet and spent all his saved money on an upgrade for his gaming console.

Dad had an appointment and we decided to use what little money I had left for lunch afterwards . I offered to take what little my brother had left to buy him something. He instead wanted to tag along. Half way through the appointment my little brother got impatient and left to head back to the apartment taking his card with him.

We still stopped for lunch. As we got the food and pulled away from the window I got a text from my brother not asking but demanding I bring him food. I told him that we had already gotten our food and he should have stayed because I didn’t have extra money to cover him.

He threw a fit and called our mom to take him home. I didn’t hear anything until today when I was hanging out with friends. Mom was now barring him from coming to see dad while I was there and that I was a jerk for refusing to feed him, stealing his money and not taking him home.

I sent her screenshots and texts proving that he spent his money on game upgrades, the texts where I told him my conditions and he agreed, the text from him demanding food and my response as well as other proofs that would help my case. My dad messaged her as well explaining his side of things and ultimately telling her to get off my back.

She hasn’t replied. I’m exhausted and today was ultimately the last straw. After a years of being beneath my brother while mom held him on a high pedestal that I could never even come close to, I’m drained and over it. I want to remove them from my life permanently.

Would it be too harsh? I feel like I’m being set back years on my therapy and being dragged back into the same old dynamic and I definitely don’t want my children being subjected to this same treatment.

I talked to my fiancé, older brother and my dad and they’re supportive of my consideration and my dad and eldest brother are thinking about cutting contact too. WIBTA?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

Anonymoosehead123 said:

Definitely NTA. You have your own family now - they deserve your care and attention. Your mother and brother don’t.

Glass_Confusion448 said:

NTA. Go start your real life.

Subspaceisgoodspace said:

NTA. It’s fine to cut crappy people out of your life. Glad you were able to take time to support your dad and that you have a loving family of your own.

Substantial-Air3395 said:

I can't get past high school/college/2 children by the age of 22. I'd tell you too slow down, but it to late for that. As far as your issue: NTA.

yameretzu said:

NTA I really can't understand this kind of favoritism, I've told my kids I don't do favorites because I think it's awfully damaging. Also as a parent of neurodiverse kids and being one myself, autistic people can learn boundaries and not trying to support them to be the best person they can be...

And helping them to understand accountability is completely unacceptable. Live your life, look after your dad and ignore entitled little brother.

Equivalent_Classic89 said:

NTA. You don't have to let them treat you like that. Protect your dad & your sanity.

Later, OP provided an update:

Holy cow. I woke up to over 14K views on my previous post. Thank you for the supportive comments. To update, allot has happened since I posted last night. I had my mental therapy this morning. Even while traveling my therapist was flexible and I was able to continue my treatment by phone.

I explained the situation and she agrees that cutting off contact will be in my best interest. She recommended cold turkey no explanation just block. She’s proud of my progress. Before I couldn’t see the toxic dynamics I mistook them for tough love. I decided ultimately to block both of them.

I upped my sessions because I already feel some guilt but with all the support I have I should be ok. I’m gonna talk to my fiancée tonight since he’s working today. Dad is getting better and I’m returning home soon. Dad immediately received backlash this morning when I blocked my brother.

His reaction was long winded and predictable. His messages were filled with rage and guilt trips trying to convince me to change my mind he called me every name in the book trying to turn dad against me but dad told him off. Mom has been completely silent.

Her go to when things aren’t going her way she believes if she’s silent enough that I’ll crack and change my mind. It won’t work this time. I know allot were expecting some petty revenge but that’s not the case in the end my best revenge will be living well.

I’m gonna focus on my babies and planning my upcoming wedding. Thank you all again for the support. My mother and brother tried to keep me wrapped up but in the end I broke free.

Here's what people had to say about the update:

OkExternal7904 said:

Do not invite your mother and brother to the wedding. I'd tell people they already had plans. NTA.

2dogslife said:

It sounds like you have a sensible therapist and following their advice is a wise thing for your mental health and peace of mind.

Economy_Algae_418 said:

Your brother can't keep his prince's cloak out of the mud unless you're there, feet in the stinking muck holding up his robe above the dirt. They want you back in the family so you are the scapegoat/black sheep and that's the way your brother remains Golden Child. Only way to maintain family hierarchy is someone has to be inferior.

My_Dramatic_Persona said:

Good for you! I’m glad your father is being supportive of this, and that you have a support structure in place beyond just him. I have to say I don’t fully trust him, as he left you with your mother as a child despite apparently protecting his oldest son from her.

I hope you find this peaceful and can focus on everything else going on in your life. Leave them behind.