Woman plans divorce after discovering husband's 'trash talk' to friends, 'marrying me was a mistake.' AITA?

"AITA for wanting to divorce my husband after I found out he trashtalks me to his friends and says marrying me was a mistake?"

So I (32F) have been married to my husband (34M) for about five years now. We have a son together, and I have another child from a previous relationship. I thought our marriage was mostly ok, like not perfect but whose is? We have our challenges like any other couple. I never thought anything major was wrong.

But recently, something happened that’s been eating at me. A few weeks ago, we had some of his friends over for a BBQ, and after everyone left, I noticed his phone was left on the kitchen counter. Normally, I wouldn’t even touch it, but a notification from his group chat popped up, and I saw my name.

I don’t know why I did it, but I opened it. I guess some part of me wanted to know what was being said. Well, it was worse than I could have imagined. He was trash-talking me to his friends! Saying stuff like, “I never should have married her, it was a mistake,” and “I feel trapped.

She’s basically useless and I have to do everything.” He even said the only reason he married me was because he felt he had no choice after I got pregnant with our son. I felt like someone punched me in the gut.

Like, I never thought he would talk about me like that to anyone, let alone his friends. These are people I see regularly, and the whole time they've been hearing him say I'm a burden or that our marriage was a mistake.

When I confronted him about it, he said it was "just guy talk" and that I shouldn’t take it so personally. He said all guys vent about their wives and that it wasn’t serious. But how can I not take it personally? He said our whole marriage was a mistake. He said I was a mistake.

Now I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel like I’ve been living a lie, like maybe he never really loved me at all. He keeps telling me to let it go, that I’m overreacting, but I don’t know how to move past this.

I’m seriously considering divorce, but now I’m wondering, am I overreacting? Is this normal? Do all guys talk like this about their wives, and I'm just being too sensitive? I don’t know if I can stay with someone who thinks I’m a mistake. AITA for wanting to divorce him over this?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

InfiniteProfession23 said:

Considering divorce is a valid response to discovering that someone you love feels this way about you.

VMA_06 said:

NTA one thing is venting and saying he might be annoyed or whatever but saying you’re a mistake and that he’s just with you for the kid is awful, if he’s so unhappy leave him, find YOUR happiness.

Various-Hyena-8813 said:

NTA, it is such an immense betrayal for the person who has sworn to stand by you, protect you, honor you, to disgrace you like that.

Kittytigris said:

I would quietly have divorce papers ready and have those messages screenshot and included in the divorce papers. NTA.

Accurate_Prompt_8800 said:

NTA. He clearly actively dislikes you and makes that obvious to others. He doesn’t respect you at all. Get a lawyer and divorce him ASAP.

Sassy-Anxiety007 said:

NTA. When people show you who they truly are, believe them the first time.