Woman plans to give her best friend's kids different amounts of life changing money. AITA?

"AITA if I gave my best friend's kids a different life changing amount of money?"

I 37f recently received a life changing amount of money. I haven’t told my best friend, 37f, yet that she & her two kids (12f & 2m) will each be gifted a life changing amount of money in an irrevocable trust. Here is where it gets a bit sticky, I want to give 12f 2.5 million and 2m 1.5 million.

The reason I want to do this is because I helped raise 12f when she was little and I still have her with me every school vacation. She genuinely fees like she is my child, she calls me mom, and there is no difference between her and my own children, it’s the exact same amount of love.

12f was abused when she was younger which has resulted in several mental issues. Her therapist has said it may be difficult for her to live a normal life and she will likely need lifelong therapy. 2m has his dad in his life (12f’s dad OD’d), his dad is a lifer in the military, and 2m is very blessed with new clothing, toys, etc (12f is not).

2m is setup better in life, it is what it is. I grew up as the black sheep of the family and did not get the same opportunities my siblings did and has had a lifelong ramification. I look at 12f’s life and I can’t help but see her childhood shaping up to be like mine and I don’t want that. While I can’t change her situation, I can give her money to use to help her future. Money is a tool after all.

My concern is how my friend will take this. In her eyes they are both her children, and they are treated equal. I don’t want her to see the discrepancy in the amount and think I don’t love 2m as much or I see him as lesser than his sister, and I don’t.

But I am more invested in 12f and my motherly instinct is to provide and protect her. In addition to this, this is a gift. This is on my own free will and why can’t I do this? So, AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Charming-Boss-3296 said:

2 yo will get more money, cause of the interest over additional 10 years in a trust fund. 12 yo will use money earlier, so it will accumulate less interest. This is math, not emotion. NTA.

Runneymeade said:

NTA. $1.5 million to a baby will be worth more than $2.5 million in ten years. The gifts are equivalent.

Uubilicious_The_Wise said:

It's your money so you can do with it as you please. NTA though you might get a better reaction going from the age angle and using earnable interest by the time they are adults as a better excuse. It's far more understandable and makes more logical sense in my opinion.

jmking said:

NTA for gifting different amounts. This is actually technically more fair if you factor in how that money will impact their lives. By the time the 2m gets to be 12, he'll have as much, if not more than 2.5MM in that account if invested properly.

You MBTAH, however, if you gift literal children that kind of money and let then know about it. That kind of money will seriously and dramatically change the course of their lives, and it might not actually be for the best.

This totally undermines their Mother and the manner in which she wants to raise her children and is 100% overstepping. It's not wrong to want to offer such generous gifts, but you should do so in collaboration with their Mother. That kind of money, like you say, is life-changing...but it's also people changing.

mimimidu said:

To be fair 1.5 million over 16 years will likely be comparable to 2.5 million over 6 so you are not actually giving them massively different amounts.

Wobblingoblin01 said:

NTA. 2 has 10 extra years of gaining interest in whatever account you set him up with. I guarantee the account will make the difference up if invested wisely. You can set it up that way.