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Woman plans to report coworker to HR for messaging husband, 'she'd lose her job.' AITA? UPDATED

Woman plans to report coworker to HR for messaging husband, 'she'd lose her job.' AITA? UPDATED


"WIBTAH If I complain about my coworker who messaged my husband?"

Yesterday we had year end inventory day at my new job I started 3 months ago. I (35f) was asked to bring a friend as my partner to help, we all brought our husband's and wives, a few "children" with their boyfriends etc.

I brought my husband (36m) My 1 coworker (34f) did not bring anyone, she just helped each group of partners through out the day. Everything was great we had a wonderful day and inventory was nearly perfect so we got praised.

Anyways...the next morning I get to work at 8am and 4 minutes into my day my coworker, who did not bring anyone, asked if my husband has a brother that's single and specifically "looks exactly like him." I said no, he only has a sister. She said " oh that's a shame so he doesn't have a brother?"

Me again: "no... why? Do you have a crush on my husband?" She literally laughed like a little school girl. Let me start by saying I am FAR from jealous. I know my husband is attractive, I know I am too. I know my husband is successful, I know I am too. I know my husband is hilarious, kind, makes everyone feel heard and important, that's the exact reason I married him. I thought it was cute she liked him, this did not upset me.

She then went on to talk about him almost any chance she could for the entirety of the day. And again, this did not upset me. At all, he's most likely not coming back here, at least until the next year end inventory day, she's having a crush it'll pass by next week.

What did upset me...when I got home at 4:30pm he showed me that at 1:24pm she texted him...and I quote "Hey **** (spells his name wrong...) how are you today? Your lady is really bothering me."

So this woman, went into our system, found my husband's phone number, and deemed it ok to text him in this manner. Of course he did not respond. Of course he thought it was absolutely insane.

And now I'm getting ready for work today, and I will see her in the next hour and a half after her doing this, and I'm not sure how I should or will react. Like I said I am very far from jealous I understand crushes and feelings and emotions etc...

but someone going to this level to contact my husband turns me into a grizzly bear. WIBTHA if I told HR she did this...we work for a very large billion dollar company who takes these things very seriously, she'd essentially lose her job.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

anonredditorofreddit said:

NTA - go ahead with HR. This will probably get worst in the future, for you or another colleague.

MyHairs0nFire2023 said:

NTA. This isn’t about jealously. This is about her entering your private employee file to obtain information about you - specifically your husband’s contact info. This is about her being so mentally unstable that she not only did that, but then took the additional step of contacting him.

This is about her being so mentally unhinged that she not only did both of the above, but took the additional step to speak about you in a disparaging manner. And the MANNER in which she spoke to him & about you implies that she believes that there is some sort of familiarity between the two of them.

Since that’s totally NOT the case, that indicates she might have a tendency to be a stalker. (Stalkers view simple things - like your husband saying hi or innocently handing her an object during inventory - as a major event & falsely believe that that event started some sort of relationship with someone when there isn’t one there.)

I cannot recommend strongly enough that you immediately contact Human Resources. And in case they don’t take this as seriously as they should, begin documenting EVERYTHING. Report every single minuscule event to HR & if they do nothing, warn them that you may have to end up involving the police. (And then DO report it to the police if it continues.)

TheFluffiestRedditor said:

This is a privacy violation indeed. Please take this to HR.

veemar1977 said:

I would complain to HR, not only did she send a message to your husband without his consent, he did not give her his number. She also accessed your private information. I’m sure this information is not on a public system. I would be very concerned. What other information did she have access to? NTA.

WhatTheMoxley said:

NTA. If this woman has a crush on your husband, and he ignores her or rebuffs her, or She doesn't get the desired reaction out of you, then she can control the narrative to HR. YWBTA to yourself if you do not go to HR. The fact that she messaged your husband without his or your consent is a problem and this woman has to go.

Current_Willow8479 said:

NTA and definitely discuss with HR. Chances are your company has privacy policy that should prevent this from happening. Also, is nobody going to point out that a billion dollar company is asking employees to bring (assumedly) volunteers to work their inventory? Is this a thing? They’re not paid, wouldn’t have worker’s comp and huge insurance liability if one of them got hurt. Or is it just me.

SamuelVimesTrained said:

NTA. Key here is "So this woman, went into our system, found my husband's phone number, and deemed it ok to text him." This should be the thing to complain to HR to - invasion of privacy and abuse of personal information. Of course, you could add harassment, but this was a one time thing (i hope) - so that might not stick.

But the digging through privileged info and using that for personal gain (or an attempt to gain) is the best angle here. And - lets be honest - if she did not want to lose her job, you know, maybe she should not have done this. She FA, now time to FO.


Firstly just clarifying, my husband and all the helpers were paid well for their work, the "children" were 24+, we needed 10 extra people for 1 day, we had a great day and it was nice introducing my husband to everyone and meeting others wives.

We're going through a very large merger at work and today was VERY busy, our head managerial team was not in. I did tell my assistant manager what had happened, showed him the photo of the text message and explained that I was very upset with my coworker.

He was flabbergasted and tomorrow we will sit down and tell our General Manager what happened. He asked me what my resolution would look like but we both agreed that once the GM knows its not exactly up to me anyways because of the breech in privacy.

I do feel terrible, but she really shot herself in the foot, I've done nothing but be very nice to her, even the "your lady is bothering me" wasn't warranted because I wasn't even bothering her.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one throughout. What's your advice for this workplace situation?

Sources: Reddit
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