My (33F) boyfriend’s (34M) friend is getting married in a few months and we are invited. The groom is a childhood friend of my boyfriend that a few years ago moved to another town, which is where the wedding is going to be (same country but far enough that we need to fly there).
In the same day I also need to attend a conference in my field of work, that is going to be held in yet another city, significantly far from the wedding location. The conference is a pretty big event and I’m going to make a presentation of my team’s work.
Unfortunately the last day of the conference is also the day of the wedding. When I told my boyfriend I couldn’t attend the wedding because of it, he got upset and asked me if I could skip it or leave a day early.
I told him I cannot skip it since it’s an important event for me and my team and I can’t leave early because I need to be present for the entire duration to get my attendance certificate (which I need for my CV and other work related stuff).
Also I don’t even know which day my presentation is going to be yet, hence I cannot decide anything beforehand. I tried to come up with other solutions, like taking a train right after the conference is over, since the wedding is late in the afternoon, but I found it would take over 8 hours and I wouldn’t make it, also by plane it would take too long cause the airport is few towns over.
My boyfriend got mad at me for this, he didn’t explicitly say it, but we had this conversation on the way to meet some friends and he barely spoke to me the entire night. I get that he’s not happy about it, but I don’t get why he’s mad at me.
To me personally it would be different if it was a family member’s wedding, whether mine or his, or a close friend’s to us both, in which case I would choose to skip part of the conference and arrange someone else to do the presentation.
However, I think it’s different since I don’t even know the bride and groom (I’ve briefly met the groom twice and never met the bride), which means they’re not going to be upset I’m not there, only my BF is. I don’t think it’s wrong to choose what to sacrifice depending on the people you are sacrificing it for.
In other occasions my BF has skipped events in my family for things I considered good reasons, such as work or things he has scheduled with his friends prior to the family invite.
Also, I want to mention that we would be going to the wedding with other people from my BF’s friend group, so he would not go alone anyway. So please tell me, am I the ahole for thinking there’s nothing wrong with my BF attending his friend’s wedding without me, given the situation?
Ok_Expression7723 said:
NTA. I agree with all of your reasons. This is not a joint friend or family member. You have a work obligation. He has a built in social group to hang out with. It just couldn’t work out to go. He needs to gain some maturity. I can understand being a little sad or frustrated at the situation, not at you.
Competitive_Papaya11 said:
NTA. Bet your BF just worries about how it’ll look if he’s on his own and was looking forward to showing you off. Guess what, he still can! “Oh I’m here stag, my GF is at a really important National conference and has been nominated to speak on behalf of her company, super proud of her. Here, would you like to see a picture of us?”
lenusniq said:
NTA. On the one hand, there are people you barely know. On the another had - a big work event at which you do the presenting. It's completely reasonable that you would choose to attend the conference.
k23_k23 said:
NTA. You already have an important work commitment, and are fine to priorize that.
DgShwgrl said:
NTA. Your career is what determines your finances, which determines just about every other aspect of your life. If you didn't have a decent job, you wouldn't even be able to afford wedding attendance in the first place! I'm sorry your partner is upset by this but you've made the only sensible choice, especially considering you don't even know the happy couple.
torrentialwx said:
Girl, NTA. I’ve been exactly where you are. Did you submit an abstract/presentation proposal to the conference before finding out about the wedding? Because if you did, your boyfriend has no leg to stand on. He’s honestly acting like a child.
I understand careers shouldn’t come before some things, but you had the conference planned first and you do not know the people getting married. Your boyfriend needs to respect that and get over his juvenile pity party. Do not skip your conference. If he can’t get over it, then he does not respect you and doesn’t deserve you.