"I think my husband is having an affair with my sister." UPDATED 6X
"I think my husband is having an affair with my sister."
I 29F, and my husband, 32M, Joel, have been married for 6 years, we were together for 3 before that. We don't have any children, but I'd say for the most part we have had a healthy relationship.
Me and my sister, Amy, have never been that close. I have tried many times in the past few years to get closer and form a relationship with her, but she always seems distant.
I first noticed the longing looks between them a few years ago. I never thought too much of it since they were pretty good friends with similar interests, he told me he always considered her to be his own blood sister and I thought that was good.
Late November-Early December, they were acting normal, no longing looks, no nothing, just normal in-laws at a family gathering. The next week I noticed they were warming up to each other, Amy was sitting closer to Joel, following him around almost, and always laughing at his jokes, which she didn't usually do. I didn't think much of it.
And then I saw the physical contact. How his hand would gently guide her back whenever they moved to a different talking spot. How when they sat down his hand would go on her thigh. How her body would always be in his direction, facing towards him.
The next week they acted as if neither of them existed, when I tried to talk to her she wouldn't be able to look me in the eye, would use any excuse to get away from me, her & Joel would always be at opposite ends of the room.
We haven't been intimate in a month, he started refusing to see our therapist, saying we "didn't need to", I was lost.
Christmas was when i hit my breaking point. They were acting like everything was normal again, with a few guilty looks between them, I did all I could to ignore it, I have a history of overthinking and I genuinely thought I was just being crazy. She left the gathering pretty early, claiming she didn't feel good, Joel was obsessively checking his phone for the rest of the night and he was obviously very worried.
When we got home he said he was going to go shower, I saw that he left his phone on the couch, I couldn't restrain myself and I went through it.
I didn't find anything until | opened snapchat, I thought it was weird for someone our age to have that app, so my curiosity spiked, I saw her icon that mildly looked like her and her name "Amy next to it, my stomach dropped and opened the chat and she had only sent one message, all it said was "At the hospital, going to get results soon, l update you when can, I miss you." ?
I'm still confused and hurt, I don't know what this means.
Am I a s^%$ty wife for going behind his back? But I don't know why she was updating him or why her name has a heart next to it?? Thanks for letting me vent, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
She's probably pregnant. It's probably his. Since you guys don't have kids, and I would say divorce would be the easiest option. Something shady is going on.
That or an out of control STD
Shady, yes.
But pregnancy? What would stop Amy from doing the test at home?
You knew there was something inappropriate and secretly going but instead of saying anything or confronting them, you just watched. Why don’t you just ask them or other members of your family? She either has cancer or pregnant. More than likely she’s pregnant with his child.
I have tried to bring it up to him, but he always shuts it down quickly saying I’m just overthinking again.
2 days later OP posted this update:
Hi, sorry for the wait, my husband got back from work a few hours ago, when he got back I told him everything, the body language I’ve noticed, the message, my suspicions, I came clean. I wanted to thank everyone for supporting me and helping me to open my eyes, Im so grateful for the advice and support I’ve gotten.
(Have tried to post this to the other sub a few times until some people told me I can post it on my personal profile so this was written a few hours ago, thank you everyone for helping)
Yes. My sister is pregnant with my husbands' child. It doesn’t feel real, I don’t think it’s actually sunk in yet. They have been having an affair for longer then I thought even.
Amy left early to go get tested. She had taken a test the week before and it was positive, but Joel wouldn’t believe her until she got one done by a doctor.
Joel and Amy first slept together 3 years ago, she was still with her then-husband but they were going through a tough spot in their relationship, she went to him for comfort and they slept together. My husband slept with my goddamn.sister. Apparently it was only supposed to be a one time thing but it went on for a few months after that until Joel felt too guilty and shut it down fully.
Halfway through last year the affair started up again, I guess being divorced made her miss having a husband and my husband was the closest thing she could get to fill that hole.
Me and Joel had been trying for a baby during then but with no success, he told me he was getting depressed due to that and Amy was a big support for him during that time (because god forbid you find support in the person you married), they got close again and started sleeping together again.
I didn’t ask to hear more, I don’t think I want to know more then I already know. I would’ve never thought my husband would cheat, I really thought he was the exception. He was always so sweet and loving, so romantic. I feel so betrayed right now.
I don’t know what my plan is. My husband has a brother he isn’t too close to who’s a lawyer, we’ve always gotten along well though, so I might go to him and ask for advice.
Joel begged for my forgiveness, I didn’t feel much. I cried a lot and now we’re on the couch together watching TV as I write this.
Amy doesn’t know I know, I don’t think I want her to know I know until I have a plan, Joel told me he will try and push for an abortion, it’s up to her ultimately I guess, but I don’t think I could stand to see her have my husbands child.
Thanks for letting me see i’m not crazy.
Here's what people had to say after the update:
I was so hoping it wasn’t going to be this. I am so sorry OP. Give yourself some grace to grieve but get a lawyer and get your ducks in a row. This man is playing you and I’m willing to bet they both plan to keep the baby and are trying to find a way to make it okay with others around them
Girl, i know you’re shocked right now but I can’t not say this. You can’t go to the brother. You need someone outside of this goddam family. You’re sitting next to him on the couch? Like nothing has happened?!?! I don’t understand. Please get out. He’s fucking your sister. For years. She’s pregnant!! She’s in love with him! She told him she misses him! She’s not giving up this child. Get out of the house OP.
I’ll call my mom to ask if I can stay at my parents place for a bit tomorrow while I sort everything out, thank you. ❤️
2 months later OP posted this "small update":
I want to thank everyone for the support I’ve received, life has been insanely busy but i have some things to update on
I am 14 weeks pregnant with Joel’s child, i have decided to keep the baby as I have always wanted a child of my own, the circumstances aren’t great I’m aware but I have an amazing support system and i have enough money saved to provide for my and the baby for awhile until i get a job if I end up a single parent
Me and Joel are on a temporary separation whilst I decide what would be best for baby. He has showered me with expensive gifts and money these past weeks, he’s already bought half the nursery and we don’t even know what gender our baby is yet.
I’ve left all social media for the time being as Facebook got a bit too hectic for me, my sister posted lies about me and my mom wouldnt have it and now the entire family is split between me & my sister's side and I hate it, I didnt ask for any of this.
My mother disowned my sister and most of the family is fully shunning her, the only people that side with her is my aunt & uncle, my grandmother on my fathers side & my little brother who has always been close with her, and my MIL is trying to make us reconcile as we are both carrying her grandchildren.
Amy hasn’t even tried to apologise to me, she’s pregnant with twins and her kids are confused as hell, my mom told me when she picked them up from school the other day they were talking about how exciting it’ll be for daddy to live with them again, so she hasn’t even told the truth to her kids & ex husband lmfao.
I have looked into divorce, Ive tried talking to Joel about the divorce, he’s made all sorts of promises, claimed we don’t even need to act like a couple anymore, that I could sleep with whoever I wanted.
He offered to buy me an apartment so I “could have my own space”, he’s pulling out all the stops & I don’t have any qualifications to get a good job to support me and baby, Ive always relied on my husband to support me and while I do have savings I don’t have enough to ever be able to not worry about money in the future.
I need my baby to grow up in a stable environment and I’m not sure I can give that to them by my own, they would have a good life with Joel and then would return to me where I wouldn’t even be able to compare. I have zero right to anything of Joel’s, he owns all his properties and I’m not entitled to any life changing amount of money.
I’m not sure what to do, I’m currently staying at my parents house until I make a decision, I’m sorry it took so long to post an update, everyone has been so kind to me and I would still be with Joel if it wasn’t for you all. Thank you. ❤️
Here's what people had to say after the "small update":
You need to tell her ex-husband. It’s better he hears it privately from you then someone else so that it doesn’t get spun.
What’s the relationship with your sister and husband?
He’s told me he hasn’t talked to her since I confronted him and won’t ever speak to her again but I haven’t checked to see if that’s true or not, I dont know if I care to know. And I have zero way to contact her ex
Have been following your story since your first post and reading this update I want say please be cautious about your husband's motive and if he is telling you the truth regarding his current relationship with your sister. He has lied to you before so he could be lying to you again. Lastly even if you are not thinking about divorce I think you should still seek legal advice.
The same day OP posted, "I’m pregnant with my husband;s child while my sister is also pregnant with my husbands children."
About 2 months ago I discovered my husband had been cheating on me with me sister.
He told me they were pregnant with twins and begged for my forgiveness. He spoiled me with gifts, he offered to buy me an apartment, a new car, whatever I wanted. He said if she goes through with the pregnancy that he will have no part in it, that he would only be a father to the child I mother.
Up until last month I was ready to divorce him, I was ready to start a new life without him and my sister in it. I thought my missed periods were just due to stress until I felt my period symptoms but with no period in sight so I took a pregnancy test.
When I told him he was ecstatic. He said it was a fresh start for us, that we can move on and focus on our child. He’s already bought most of the stuff we need for the nursery, he’s been looking at doulas and midwives incase I want a natural home birth, and different hospitals in and out of state seeing which one would be best for me if I decide not to.
I can’t afford a child on my own, he's been there for me financially since I was 20, I’ve never had to struggle on my own, I never went to college because i would never need to work with him in my life. I didn’t even consider the possibility of him not in my life because I was so stupidly in love and arrogant. I got everything I wanted, I had a perfect family and a perfect husband, a perfect house a perfect life.
We had fertility issues and trying to conceive was a struggle, my pregnancy was supposed to be a blessing but instead I’m wondering why now, why after all this? I’ve yearned for this for years and now it’s happening and I don’t even know how I’m going to be able to put a roof over my baby’s head if I leave him.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Edit: My pregnancy is high risk, I’ll need lots of medical support during & after birth and neither me or my parents can afford that. Abortion is also illegal in my state, Im aware there are ways but to me it’s not worth it so if everyone could stop telling me to “just get an abortion and leave” I would appreciate that.
Joel’s only promising me things on the terms I don’t divorce him, so legally I’m not sure if I can take the apartment and medical care he’s offered AND divorce him, I have a meeting with a lawyer tomorrow to get a better understanding of what I can & cant do.
I'm 14 weeks along, I definitely would not be able to get a divorce before my birth and I don’t want to be in-between places with a newborn whilst recovering from birth.
Joel (my husband) is 32, Im 29, Amy (my sister) is 35.
Hope that helps everyone understand my position and that my situation isn’t as easy as “just cut contact with him.” Thanks.
Edit 2: My friend sent me a tiktok post with a voiceover of my post and I’m realising this is getting out of hand, so here’s my plan so people stop calling me derogatory terms for not divorcing him immediately!
I am planning to divorce him, BUT my pregnancy is very high risk, I will need lots of extra medical support with this pregnancy and that is something I just cannot afford by myself at this stage of my pregnancy. Joel is willing to pay ALL my bills, but only if I stay with him.
I want to wait until I’m more stable before I initiate anything, I’ll get a job once I’ve recovered from my birth and after I’ve saved enough for an apartment in my own name (I refuse to let him buy me an apartment, I don’t want him to have anything to hold over my head,) and then I want to divorce. I’ll likely get good support for me and my baby.
I’ve been looking into financial ab^%e, I think that is the situation I am in. I am not in love with my husband, I am not staying with him thinking we can recover from this, I am staying for now because I can’t afford to not have his financial support.
As for my sister, I haven’t talked to her since everything went down and I never plan to again. I’m not sure if her ex husband knows the situation and Im not sure how to contact him to make sure he does know. He is a great person and I hope he isn’t going to get mixed up into this mess.
I feel bad for the twins too, it wasn’t my decision to make Joel no-contact with them, I tried to urge him out of it telling him it’s cruel but he kept saying that he would only father a child I bore, I really did try to make him see how cruel it was but he started to scare me so I stopped trying to convince him, it’s completely out of my control.
As much as I hate him & my sister I know it’s not their fault, I love my niece and nephew and I’m sure I’d love the twins just as much, I’m sad I won’t be able to see them but that’s just the way things go.
If you think I’m a bad person for using Joel to my financial advantage I really don’t care and I’ve already heard all the insults and names, do not waste your energy calling me them. He shouldn’t have fucked my sister for 3 years on and off. 🤷♀️
Thats all for now, I’ll update if anything comes up, thank you for all the good advice I’ve received.
Edit 3: A person on here brought a post to my attention that could very well be my husband? I am not sure if it is him, it could be a friend of ours but it is not a troll, they know my name, my husbands name and my sisters name. I’ve been staying with my parents with the past 2 nights so I have not been able to talk to him besides texting or calling.
I will try and confront him as soon as my dad gets back with the car. Edit 4: It’s been deleted, my dad still isn’t back and I need a nap, I will post an update tomorrow after I talk to him.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
You realize that all your sister has to do is put his name on birth certificate and he is in hook paying for those kids thus pulling money away from your household.
And you wanna pop out a kid with him!? Okay.😑
Child support isn’t a worry, him and his family are very well off and MIL is very pleased to be having 3 grandchildren, if my husband isn’t in their lives his mother 100% will be, she’ll spoil them as much as she has her other grandchildren
angelface201 writes:
This might be an unpopular opinion- but you said he was willing to give you anything right? A car, an apartment?? take it all. Take it and make sure it's under your name, not his. Check with a lawyer that it's all fine legally. Then once you have everything, leave and divorce his ass.
If he's willing to do "anything" to make it up to you, make him prove it. This is going to be a bit manipulative for sure, but your comments told me you wanted to keep the baby.
Therefore you need to think of how you can provide and support this baby. Take all of his shit, make sure its YOURS, then divorce papers. Get spousal support, child support etc to help keep you afloat and then you can figure it out from there.You got this.
koalastranger writes:
Staying with him is the worst thing you can do for you and your child. If you divorce him he will need to pay up to help support the baby. Don’t worry about finances. You will be no good to your child if you are stuck in a relationship with someone who betrayed you in the worst way possible.
Leave. He’s a manipulator and he’s only sorry he got caught. Do not give him another chance. If you let him stay in your life then he will know he can do whatever he wants and get away with it. He will cheat again. Cut both of them off.
this isn’t going to end well. Your children will be sibling cousins
Next level sister wives...poor OP, no place in her life without betrayal :(
5 days later OP posted this "short update":
Joel did post about his side, I went over our (his?) house this morning to talk but he had to get to work. He got home one hour ago and I’ve since talked to him.
He said he thinks he’s getting treated unfairly so he made a post, luckily it got taken down by the mods for sharing personal information before many people saw it.
I feel violated to have him talk about his affair so publicly, he didn’t even bother to use fake names and now whoever saw that post knows my true name.
He let me read the original post he wrote, he had to shorten it by a lot for reddit apparently but he explained to me the reason why he doesn’t believe he is the father of Amy’s children & that’s why he doesn’t plan to be a father, it does make sense, and I feel kind of silly for not seeing that before but I guess I was so wrapped up in everything.
We’ve decided to start a plan for divorce, as I said we won’t be able to finalise one before I give birth so we plan to wait a bit so we don’t have to deal with the stress with a newborn, for now he’s offered to rent me an apartment for the time being, but says i’m always welcome and our house will always belong to me just as much as it does to him.
Baby is doing well, no kicking or anything but I’m excited to experience that for the first time soon 🥺
Joel has told Amy to get a paternity test and that he won’t agree to anything until he has proof he’s the father.
I won’t be able to reply much the next few days, I want to sort everything out but thank you to everyone for all the support and love 💕💕💕
Here's what people had to say about this "small update":
In his post, how did he justify having an affair with your sister? Because try as I might, I can't come up with a way he could spin the story that would make him look good. Couldn't you repost his version after you remove all the personal information? I really just want to see how his mind works, cause it's boggling mine.
I wish you joy with your baby, babies are the best! My little sister just sent me another video of her toddler trying to imitate his father on the drums, and it's beyond cute!
To sum it up, he said he was very drunk and depressed last year, that he thought he would’ve sobered up and turned around on the drive there but he never did, and 3 years ago she kissed him, he tried to cut contact with her but didn’t tell me and then a week later apparently she threatened to tell me that they had been having an affair.
So he maintained his friendship with her and ended up sleeping together 3 times before she got back together with her husband and ended it, claimed he was blackmailed, I don’t know if I believe that.
I read your husband's post yesterday although at the time I didn't know it was your husband that made the post. He wrote "he found comfort" in your sister and "grew fond of her", that you were more loved by your parents. He drove to her house with one intention only when he knew she was alone and her kids were with their dad that night.
He refers to her by her nickname in the post. This man wasn't blackmailed or fooled by anyone. He could have put a stop to the text messages and phone calls right at the beginning if he wanted. Don't let him gaslight you into believing that he was blackmailed.
3 years affair. Nope. Leave him. I hope you and lawyer plan well for the divorce. Definitely ensure financial support for your child and get alimony. Can you look into suing your sister, either for alimony and if state allow alienation of affection?
Sorry for the late reply, yes she was always very jealous of me, not so much competitive though.
10 days later OP posted this, "I’m having a baby boy!"
I wanted to see the gender as early as possible and took a blood test to see the gender of baby 2 weeks ago, yesterday I got the results!
I had a small picnic with my parents, brother, friends & best friend and my best friend took the results and baked a cake for us all with the gender or the baby as the color of the cake!
It was a beautiful gathering and stress free, my parents took the responsibility of telling Joel and Ive been staying with my best friend the past 2 weeks now and it has been such a breath of fresh air. Thank you all for your support and Im open to any questions! I’ll keep updating my reddit friends! ❤️☺️
Edit: Forgot to add that my sister took a paternity test 3 days ago, results will come any day now but it seems Joel convinced her to take one. Trying to distance myself from them though!
A week later OP posted this last update, "He is not the father!"
My husband had an affair with my sister and she got pregnant, a few weeks ago he told her to get a paternity test and he is not the father! I can relax now.
Edit: Sorry for such a short post with no context, I just don’t want my child having to be in that situation, yes we are getting a divorce and Ive been staying with a friend for the past 2 weeks, I was very tired when I wrote this and I realise i should’ve done a small TLDR of my situation.
Basically, my husband has been having an affair with my sister for a few years, I found out mid-january, my sister claimed to be pregnant with his children and not long after that I discovered I was pregnant myself, I have cut contact with both of them and this has been a long tedious journey but my family supports me and i have some amazing friends too.
I am divorcing him, sorting everything out right now but I won’t be waiting until after my birth, for any medical funds he won’t pay I will use my savings & my parents and roommate/friend have offered to chip in as well, I do not talk to my sister anymore and I only talk to him to update him on my baby! That is all.