Woman gets pregnant with first baby & discovers husband's dirty secret; 'This will DESTROY US.' AITA? 5 MAJOR UPDATES.
When this woman is beyond devastated by what her husband has been doing behind her back, she asks Reddit:
"I’m pregnant with my husbands child and found the worst possible truth about my husband. I am devastated. AITA?"
About 2 months ago I discovered my husband had been cheating on me with me sister. He told me they were pregnant with twins and begged for my forgiveness. He spoiled me with gifts, he offered to buy me an apartment, a new car, whatever I wanted.
He said if she goes through with the pregnancy that he will have no part in it, that he would only be a father to the child I mother.
Up until last month I was ready to divorce him, I was ready to start a new life without him and my sister in it. I thought my missed periods were just due to stress until I felt my period symptoms but with no period in sight so I took a pregnancy test.
When I told him he was ecstatic. He said it was a fresh start for us, that we can move on and focus on our child.
He’s already bought most of the stuff we need for the nursery, he’s been looking at doulas and midwives incase I want a natural home birth, and different hospitals in and out of state seeing which one would be best for me if I decide not to.
I can’t afford a child on my own, hes been there for me financially since I was 20, I’ve never had to struggle on my own, I never went to college because i would never need to work with him in my life.
I didn’t even consider the possibility of him not in my life because I was so stupidly in love and arrogant. I got everything I wanted, I had a perfect family and a perfect husband, a perfect house a perfect life.
We had fertility issues and trying to conceive was a struggle, my pregnancy was supposed to be a blessing but instead I’m wondering why now, why after all this? I’ve yearned for this for years and now it’s happening and I don’t even know how I’m going to be able to put a roof over my baby’s head if I leave him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. AITA?
Before we provide you with all five of OP's insane updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
daytimedream writes:
Girl, he got you good... I'm so sorry you'r going through this, and that you have been so betrayed by such dear people. I don't know what to tell you. People can be truly vile to each other.
You don't have all that many options, and not one is particularly good. If you don't want to keep the baby, it sounds like you are early on in the pregnancy and can potentially terminate.
Then you move on with your life and cut off the people that need to be cut off. Or still doing the cutting off, but rallying up family and friends to help. He'll probably have to pay child support and spousal support since you don't work, if you're in the US.
The long-term option is to stay with him, so that your child doesn't go without, and use the time to get a college degree. Then leave. It's generally not a good idea to let yourself be dependent on another person entirely. You end up with this horrible noose around your neck.
angelface201 writes:
This might be an unpopular opinion- but you said he was willing to give you anything right? A car, an apartment?? take it all. Take it and make sure it's under your name, not his. Check with a lawyer that it's all fine legally. Then once you have everything, leave and divorce his ass.
If he's willing to do "anything" to make it up to you, make him prove it. This is going to be a bit manipulative for sure, but your comments told me you wanted to keep the baby.
Therefore you need to think of how you can provide and support this baby. Take all of his shit, make sure its YOURS, then divorce papers. Get spousal support, child support etc to help keep you afloat and then you can figure it out from there.You got this.
koalastranger writes:
Staying with him is the worst thing you can do for you and your child. If you divorce him he will need to pay up to help support the baby. Don’t worry about finances. You will be no good to your child if you are stuck in a relationship with someone who betrayed you in the worst way possible.
Leave. He’s a manipulator and he’s only sorry he got caught. Do not give him another chance. If you let him stay in your life then he will know he can do whatever he wants and get away with it. He will cheat again. Cut both of them off.
greenbangolin writes:
Your parents offered to support you and get you a lawyer. If I was you, I’d take them up on it.
Think of it this way- 18 years from now, when the child is all grown up and moving out, what will you do? And what if, before that, your husband finds another affair partner and leaves you- giving you no choice but to be a single mother?
Regardless of what choices you make, you need a way to have your own income, because you’re husband isn’t reliable to support you financially anymore.
So time to find some kind of career- maybe your FIL’s company could help you get your foot on the career ladder? Or maybe go back to school? Or just start with a minimum wage job.
Would you rather try to get on the career ladder with the support of your parents, or by staying with your husband?
If you start trying now, even with a long education in something, you could be earning your own income (and getting child support- hopefully the in laws can pressure your husband to agree to a big child support payment)
way before the child is old enough to need their own bedroom or worry about whether their school is good or not. They could be perfectly happy living with your parents until then.
And even if you play happy families, your kid will probably know. They know more than you think, especially as teenagers. They will feel the resentment and the lack of love, and maybe even blame themselves for their parents staying in a loveless marriage.
Take up your parents offer until you find a way to be independent
And now, OP's FIVE harrowing updates:
Update 1:
My pregnancy is high risk, I’ll need lots of medical support during & after birth and neither me or my parents can afford that. Abortion is also illegal in my state, Im aware there are ways but to me it’s not worth it so if everyone could stop telling me to “just get an abortion and leave” I would appreciate that.
Joel’s only promising me things on the terms I don’t divorce him, so legally I’m not sure if I can take the apartment and medical care he’s offered AND divorce him, I have a meeting with a lawyer tomorrow to get a better understanding of what I can & cant do.
Im 14 weeks along, I definitely would not be able to get a divorce before my birth and I don’t want to be in-between places with a newborn whilst recovering from birth.
Joel (my husband) is 32, Im 29, Amy (my sister) is 35. Hope that helps everyone understand my position and that my situation isn’t as easy as “just cut contact with him.” Thanks.
I want to thank everyone for the support I’ve received, life has been insanely busy but i have some things to update on
I am 14 weeks pregnant with Joel’s child, i have decided to keep the baby as I have always wanted a child of my own, the circumstances aren’t great I’m aware but I have an amazing support system and i have enough money saved to provide for my and the baby for awhile until i get a job if I end up a single parent.
Me and Joel are on a temporary separation whilst I decide what would be best for baby. He has showered me with expensive gifts and money these past weeks, he’s already bought half the nursery and we don’t even know what gender our baby is yet.
I’ve left all social media for the time being as Facebook got a bit too hectic for me, my sister posted lies about me and my mom wouldnt have it and now the entire family is split between me & my sisters side and I hate it, I didnt ask for any of this.
My mother disowned my sister and most of the family is fully shunning her, the only people that side with her is my aunt & uncle, my grandmother on my fathers side & my little brother who has always been close with her, and my MIL is trying to make us reconcile as we are both carrying her grandchildren.
Amy hasn’t even tried to apologise to me, she’s pregnant with twins and her kids are confused as hell, my mom told me when she picked them up from school the other day they were talking about how exciting it’ll be for daddy to live with them again, so she hasn’t even told the truth to her kids & ex husband lmfao.
I have looked into divorce, Ive tried talking to Joel about the divorce, he’s made all sorts of promises, claimed we don’t even need to act like a couple anymore, that I could sleep with whoever I wanted.
He offered to buy me an apartment so I “could have my own space”, he’s pulling out all the stops & I don’t have any qualifications to get a good job to support me and baby...
Ive always relied on my husband to support me and while I do have savings I don’t have enough to ever be able to not worry about money in the future, I need my baby to grow up in a stable environment and I’m not sure I can give that to them by my own...
they would have a good life with Joel and then would return to me where I wouldn’t even be able to compare. I have zero right to anything of Joel’s, he owns all his properties and I’m not entitled to any life changing amount of money.
I’m not sure what to do, I’m currently staying at my parents house until I make a decision, I’m sorry it took so long to post an update, everyone has been so kind to me and I would still be with Joel if it wasn’t for you all. Thank you.
Update 2:
My friend sent me a tiktok post with a voiceover of my post and I’m realising this is getting out of hand, so here’s my plan so people stop calling me derogatory terms for not divorcing him immediately!
I am planning to divorce him, BUT my pregnancy is very high risk, I will need lots of extra medical support with this pregnancy and that is something I just cannot afford by myself at this stage of my pregnancy.
Joel is willing to pay ALL my bills, but only if I stay with him. I want to wait until I’m more stable before I initiate anything, I’ll get a job once I’ve recovered from my birth and after I’ve saved enough for an apartment in my own name (I refuse to let him buy me an apartment...
I don’t want him to have anything to hold over my head,) and then I want to divorce. I’ll likely get good support for me and my baby.
I’ve been looking into financial abuse, I think that is the situation I am in. I am not in love with my husband, I am not staying with him thinking we can recover from this, I am staying for now because I can’t afford to not have his financial support.
As for my sister, I haven’t talked to her since everything went down and I never plan to again. I’m not sure if her ex husband knows the situation and Im not sure how to contact him to make sure he does know.
He is a great person and I hope he isn’t going to get mixed up into this mess. I feel bad for the twins too, it wasn’t my decision to make Joel no-contact with them...
I tried to urge him out of it telling him it’s cruel but he kept saying that he would only father a child I bore, I really did try to make him see how cruel it was but he started to scare me so I stopped trying to convince him, it’s completely out of my control.
As much as I hate him & my sister I know it’s not their fault, I love my niece and nephew and I’m sure I’d love the twins just as much, I’m sad I won’t be able to see them but that’s just the way things go.
If you think I’m a bad person for using Joel to my financial advantage I really don’t care and I’ve already heard all the insults and names, do not waste your energy calling me them. He shouldn’t have fd my sister for 3 years on and off.
Thats all for now, I’ll update if anything comes up, thank you for all the good advice I’ve received.
Update 3 (includes husband's POV):
A person on here brought a post to my attention that could very well be my husband? I am not sure if it is him, it could be a friend of ours but it is not a troll, they know my name, my husbands name and my sisters name.
I’ve been staying with my parents with the past 2 nights so I have not been able to talk to him besides texting or calling.
I will try and confront him as soon as my dad gets back with the car. It’s been deleted, my dad still isn’t back and I need a nap.
Joel did talk about his side. I went over our (his?) house this morning to talk but he had to get to work. He got home one hour ago and I’ve since talked to him.
He said he thinks he’s getting treated unfairly so he made a post, luckily it got taken down by the mods for sharing personal information before many people saw it.
I feel violated to have him talk about his affair so publicly, he didn’t even bother to use fake names and now whoever saw that post knows my true name.
He let me read the original post he wrote, he had to shorten it by a lot for reddit apparently but he explained to me the reason why...
he doesn’t believe he is the father of Amy’s children & that’s why he doesn’t plan to be a father, it does make sense, and I feel kind of silly for not seeing that before but I guess I was so wrapped up in everything.
We’ve decided to start a plan for divorce, as I said we won’t be able to finalise one before I give birth so we plan to wait a bit so we don’t have to deal with the stress with a newborn...
for now he’s offered to rent me an apartment for the time being, but says i’m always welcome and our house will always belong to me just as much as it does to him.
Baby is doing well, no kicking or anything but I’m excited to experience that for the first time soon.
Joel has told Amy to get a paternity test and that he won’t agree to anything until he has proof he’s the father.
I won’t be able to reply much the next few days, I want to sort everything out but thank you to everyone for all the support and love
Update 4 (about the baby & sister's paternity test):
I wanted to see the gender as early as possible and took a blood test to see the gender of baby 2 weeks ago, yesterday I got the results!
I had a small picnic with my parents, brother, friends & best friend and my best friend took the results and baked a cake for us all with the gender or the baby as the color of the cake!
It was a beautiful gathering and stress free, my parents took the responsibility of telling Joel and Ive been staying with my best friend the past 2 weeks now and it has been such a breath of fresh air. Thank you all for your support and Im open to any questions! I’ll keep updating my reddit friends!
Edit: Forgot to add that my sister took a paternity test 3 days ago, results will come any day now but it seems Joel convinced her to take one. Trying to distance myself from them though!
And now, OP's final update:
My husband had an affair with my sister and she got pregnant, a few weeks ago he told her to get a paternity test and he is not the father! I can relax now.
Edit: Sorry for such a short post with no context, I just don’t want my child having to be in that situation, yes we are getting a divorce and Ive been staying with a friend for the past 2 weeks, I was very tired when I wrote this and I realise i should’ve done a small TLDR of my situation.
Basically, my husband has been having an affair with my sister for a few years, I found out mid-january, my sister claimed to be pregnant with his children and not long after that I discovered I was pregnant myself...
I have cut contact with both of them and this has been a long tedious journey but my family supports me and i have some amazing friends too, I am divorcing him, sorting everything out right now but I won’t be waiting until after my birth...
for any medical funds he won’t pay I will use my savings & my parents and roommate/friend have offered to chip in aswell, I do not talk to my sister anymore and I only talk to him to update him on my baby! That is all.