Woman wears 'questionable' work outfit; accused by coworker of 'promoting unrealistic body standards.' AITA?

When this woman is berated by her coworker at the office, she asks the internet:

"AITA for "promoting unrealistic body standards"?

So I'm a 22 year old woman, whose not fat or chubby but also not super fit or thin and I'm working in an office environment. I absolutely LOVE to wear a specific clothing item. I wear it practically every day or so.

It's hard to describe it's like a waist trainer corset mix, but without metal bars. Basically like a super wide and tall belt that squishes my fat in the right places. It makes my waist look absolutely snatched, without being too BDSM looking, if you know what I mean.

For some people, it could look like I'm in the natural but extremely lucky in the genetics lottery category. Basically the perfect "marilyn monroe" hourglass figure. It also helps me stand upright and straight, which I always struggled with.

I dont tell people outright "hey! I'm wearing a waist trainer/corset, so dont feel bad about yourself" but if someone asks if im dieting, or what sports I do, or whatever, I tell them.

So basically this girl at the office recently heard that I'm wearing this thing, and that I dont look like that naturally. And she told me that I was making the other women in the office uncomfortable and that I'm promoting unhealthy, unrealistic body standards and if I could please stop wearing it.

I replied that I should be able to wear what I want, and that that is like if she would ask me to stop wearing a push up/wonder bra. She said that's not comparable. I said I will wear what I want, I want to wear this item, the other can buy one too if they want to, but I'm not gonna stop wearing it.

This has sparked a discussion in my office about freedom of choice versus making other people uncomfortable. And now I feel like a massive ass for what is, in my mind, like wearing a wonder bra. So, AITA?

This thing, like all corsets or waist trainers that aren't fetish wear, goes underneath my clothing. It's like underwear.

Let's take a look at some of the top responses:

peskystab writes:

NTA. People need to stop obsessing over and policing what others wear underneath their clothing. It’s just a more extreme version of shape-wear. Imagine someone telling a co-worker they cannot wear spanx in the office?!

The women are uncomfortable (read jealous) of an illusion. No different than if you dyed your hair an unnatural (for you) color or wore purple colored contact lenses.

You aren’t promoting an unrealistic body image bc you are quite up front about what you’re doing to achieve the desired effect. I mean, what would they do to a woman who did look naturally like you - force her to wear baggy sacks to work?

As long as your outer clothing is appropriate for your job, your co-workers have no business policing what you wear underneath your clothing. The insecurity the original co-worker has is a HER problem, not a YOU problem.

hannaflora writes:

NTA. You're right - it's exactly like a push-up bra in the sense that it gives the outward appearance of a shape you don't have naturally. No big deal, really.

Your coworker is 100% in the wrong for bringing this up and making you feel like an ass about wearing it. That said, unless you and this coworker share some common friends outside of the office, she likely heard about it because you yourself mentioned it at work.

And while you should feel free to talk about it outside of the office, I think there's a case to be made here that no one should talk about their undergarments at work.

catgirl7 writes:

NTA. So, office environments can be so horrible for posture and cause so many back issues. What you are doing is helping your posture, your core, and is similar to some back braces or medical tape people wear to help them.

However, it makes you feel comfortable. It is underwear and could be considered a medical aid as you mention having a history of struggling with posture before.

I would reach out to your HR because this is creating a hostile work environment because people are LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT YOUR UNDERWEAR. Sorry for the caps, but this situation pisses me off for you. It would be like getting upset you are wearing those spanx pantyhose.

I also wore the same style waist/corset you are talking about for years because not only did it help me with posture, it provided sensory relief because I was really struggling with debilitating anxiety. There are products called compression vests which also provide that ‘squeeze’ sensation and are also pretty much underwear.

Unless they plan to outlaw bras, spanx, and all other shape wear your coworkers can STFU.

ahgdkid writes:

NTA. You are basically wearing shapewear, which is perfectly normal and- as you said- not much different from wearing a push-up bra. The whole thought process of your collegue is bullshit.

If I was you, I would make the point that this is also the same like: wearing black when you want too look smaller/ thinner, wearing monochromatic outfits to look taller or color blocks to look smaller...

wearing shiny fabrics or big patterns to make a specific area of your body appear bigger, putting in heels to be taller, shoulder pads to make them wider, form fitting dresses to emphasize your waist, wider tops to make your figure more rectangular etc...

The point is that every piece of normal everyday clothing, taht everybody wears, with its colors, shapes, textures and everything influences how we visually percieve a person and the only way to not "set unrealistic standards" for us would be to run around naked all the time.

This woman is insecure and totally out of line with her comments. She is essentially discussing your underwear at work. I wonder if this can lead to a se%ual harrasment case. Def. think about that. I also do not understand how people can think a body type is unrealistic when there are others out there in the world who naturally have this exact body type.

So many women have small waists and an hourglass figure (btw Marilyn's 90-60-90 figure is not even extremly extremly volouptious unlike the curves of women like Kim K, which is naturally rarer but not impossible of course).

It's not even like OP lied to them and said she has this waist naturally when she has not. To me, this isn't promotimg unrealistic standards at all. OP can wear whatever she pleases and shape herself the way she wants.

The conversation your collegues have is a bit concerning to me. Freedom of choice is always bigger than making others uncomfortable.

The other way around would result to so much victim blaming. Imagine a woman not being able to wear form fitting clothes because she makes one of her male coworkers uncomfortable(or the other way around, as se%ual harrasment also exists towards men) and people completly morally justifying that behavior. Oh wait,...those people exist

gadhy1 writes:

NTA - I LOVE corsets! They’re so comfortable! Thing is, none of us generally know what kind of underwear other people are wearing. Lots of women, and some men, wear all manner of shape wear.

And that’s what a corset is, shapewear. Know what else is shapewear? Bras, that keep our knockers out of the depths of hell from whence they come. And I’m guessing no one is bitching at women in the office for promoting unrealistic body standards by having unrealistically perky boobs.

Why does this random woman who you work with care what kind of underwear you wear? Tell her to stop talking to you about your underwear.

fatghh writes:

NTA - as you describe it it’s not in any way impacting your ability to do your job, and isn’t at all offensive. Sounds like the person who complained has issues, if you were comfortable with yourself why would you be uncomfortable with what someone else is doing?

If you modify your behaviour here you’re just further reinforcing the her view that the world needs to change to accommodate her insecurities.

Much healthier would be for her to learn how to exist in the world. Does that mean she has to like you, or what you wear? Of course not. Does that mean she should have any say whatsoever in what you wear? Absolutely not.

You could equally respond that you’re not comfortable with her judging your body or openly judging what you’re wearing.

Personally I’d consider putting it on record with HR that she’s made this comment. You don’t need to peruse any action against her, but might help if she makes a complaint about you in future.

fightfem writes:

NTA. My cousin and my mom always wear those, here in Brazil it's really common to wear actually. And they are great for your posture and back. Plus it really does leave you with a nice waist.

They are basically like spanx just a bit more structured, I don't get why people have a problem with them.

It does no one any harm, is not promoting bad diets or obsessive work outs, is not so tight to actually harm you and instead actually gives you benefits for your back since it's extra support, and confidence boost cause it makes you look great. This lady just sounds weirdly misguided.