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Woman refuses to accommodate brother's vegan girlfriend at party. AITA?

Woman refuses to accommodate brother's vegan girlfriend at party. AITA?

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While plant-based diets are more popular than ever, expecting to always have multiple vegan options available at a stranger's house party is a special brand of entitlement...

So, when a conflicted housewarming host decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about a vegan food dilemma with her brother's new girlfriend/party crasher, people were ready to weigh in.

"AITA for not cooking vegan food or ordering any at a housewarming dinner?"

Alright so, I’m a 23-year-old woman, I recently started living by myself and I decided to host a housewarming dinner/get together. The invite list was fairly small, 5 family members and 3 friends. (My apartment is quite small so that was enough to be cramped lol).

I called everybody before hand to make sure whatever I was cooking would adhere to dietary restrictions & allergies etc. A few people asked if they were welcome to bring other foods, wine, drinks etc and I said sure.

So it happened last night and I had basically cooked a scaled down thanksgiving meal, smallish turkey, chicken, potatoes, mac and cheese and salad.

I was also expecting other people to bring stuff and almost everyone did, it turned into kind of a potluck situation. My brother ended up coming a bit late which isn’t too unusual, but he had a woman who he introduced as his girlfriend in tow. I didn’t really have a problem with it.

I was thinking it would’ve been nice for him to tell me she was coming but from the way he explained it it was a last minute decision.

We’re all standing around my tiny table praying & when we’re done it’s time for food. My brother's girlfriend asked what was vegan at the table and said she’d been eyeing a few things.

I said I personally hadn’t cooked anything vegan, but one of my friends who is vegetarian had. It was some kind of stuffed peppers thing.

I wasn’t expecting to have a vegan so I wasn’t prepared but his girlfriend seemed really upset. My brother pulled me aside about an hour after and said it wasn’t really good hosting to only have 1 dish for her to eat. To be fair, she did look sort of left out just eating stuffed peppers and I did feel bad, but when my brother suggested I order her some food to make up for it I said no.

Vegan food is quite expensive where I live and I had already gone over my budget for the month with my dinner. I told him he was definitely welcome to order it, but I personally couldn’t afford another $25-$30 on one meal for her.

There was no big scene or anything, he stayed until the end of the night and she stayed too, I told her she was welcome to raid the fridge because I was sure I had some foods suited to her but she didn’t take me up on that offer.

This morning however, he called and said that I should’ve at least ordered for her, considering I only had one dish she could eat, and that it was insulting to her being told she could go through the fridge “like some rat or something.”

Now I’m conflicted, last night I didn’t feel that bad for not ordering, but today I do based on what he said and how she felt. AITA?

Later, the post was edited to include:

I’d like to clarify that his girlfriend didn’t say anything mean or demanding to me, and I’m fairly sure she never intended for me to hear the rat thing. She seemed like a sweet girl, just I guess she felt out of place.

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this awkward housewarming situation:

KittKatt7179 said:

NTA. You don't crash a party, then get mad because nothing is to your liking. That's not how this works.

If he had given you notice, then you could have prepared a few dishes, but for her to be a literal stranger then get mad because you didn't cook food to her tastes is ridiculous on her part and your brother's.

RoyallyOakie said:

NTA...it would take supernatural powers to guess the needs of an uninvited guest.

PoliticoJewtino said:

NTA. You had no idea she was coming and called around before. If your brother thought this was such a big issue, he would’ve told you when you asked.

PleaseCoffeeMe said:

NTA, brother turned up with an uninvited guest. Guest had dietary restrictions you were not aware of, if it was important for YOUR BROTHER’S guest to have something to eat, then, he should have ordered it. Next time she is YOUR guest, I’m sure you will accommodate.

pinkyzbaby said:

NTA. She was an unexpected guest, so you didn't have any food prepared specifically for her, and since she did show up unannounced, it was totally on her to make sure she had something to eat.

You were definitely a good host because it seems like you did your best to prepare a meal that all of the expected guests could enjoy, and that's all you had to do.

itrunsinthefamily63 said:

NTA. Your brother didn't even ask if he could bring his girlfriend, let alone tell you that she was vegan. You probably should have checked the fridge and made a definite offer of whatever you had, but if that wasn't ok, HE should have ordered her food seeing as he sprung her on you.

Note to anyone planning to crash a party with a vegan...trying warning the host first?

Sources: Reddit
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