Woman refuses to acknowledge sibling from dad's affair, 'I've told them straight up: I DON'T CARE.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to acknowledge my half-sibling?"

I (22F) have a half-sister (6F) from my dad’s affair. I want absolutely nothing to do with her, my stepmother, or my dad. My mother was battling cancer when my dad decided to cheat. Instead of being there for his wife while she was literally fighting for her life, he was off playing house with another woman.

That left me to pick up his slack—driving my mom to appointments, managing her meds, cooking, cleaning, and basically taking care of everything he should have been doing. I was 16. Meanwhile, my dad got another woman pregnant and then expected me to be a loving big sister to the result.

I’ve made it clear since day one that I want no relationship with my dad's child, my stepmother, or my father beyond what is absolutely necessary. I barely speak to my dad unless I have to, and I haven’t spoken a word to my stepmother in years.

As for my half-sibling, I do not acknowledge her existence. I don’t talk to her, I don’t babysit, I don’t entertain her attempts to interact with me. If she comes up to me, I tell her to leave me alone and go back to whatever I was doing. I’m not mean to her; I don’t yell or insult her, but I refuse to engage. I treat her like a stranger's child.

My father and stepmother hate this. They’ve spent years trying to force a relationship. They push my half-sibling toward me constantly, telling her she has a big sister who loves her but is just a little confused, I don't love her, that family is everything, if that were true he wouldn't have cheated, that her big sister wants to be in her life, I don't.

They try to shove her in my face every holiday, every visit. I’ve told them straight up: I don’t care. She is nothing to me, she's just a kid I don't know and I don't want to be around. The more they push, the more I dig my heels in.

For contrast, I have an older brother (27M), and I am a very involved aunt to his kids 4M and 2F. I love them to pieces, take them to family friendly activities and babysit them for free regularly when my brother and SIL need a break.

My father’s side calls me a hypocrite for this, but I don’t care. My nephew and niece are family. My father's kid is not. My brother has cut my father's side off completely and has said he'll support me if I do the same.

It’s clear to everyone that once my grandparents pass (they’re the only reason I still have some minimal contact), I’m cutting my father off for good. He’ll be just a bad memory. And I feel nothing about it. No money, no guilt trip will ever be worth talking to the man who destroyed my teenage years by making me, essentially, take on the role my mom's spouse for 4 years when I should have been allowed to just be a kid.

My stepmother recently confronted me, saying I’m cruel and that it’s not my half-sibling’s fault how she was conceived. That she’s an innocent child who just wants a sister. My father backed her up, calling me heartless. Other relatives have chimed in, saying I should be the bigger person, that I’m holding onto too much hate, that I’m punishing a child for my father’s sins.

But I don’t want to be the bigger person. I don’t want anything to do with my father’s new family. And I don’t care if that makes me a b. But I want to know if I'm an ahole for this, if only because I want to have an outside perspective with no skin in the game. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Jumbee1234 said:

NTA the problem isn't with OP who has a right to her feelings. The problem is with the parents who are setting the child up to be rejected. They are trying to manipulate her to be the bad guy by sending the kid the innocent one just like OP.

messageinthebox said:

NTA. You have no reason to acknowledge her or any obligation to. Your brother has told you the best solution to your dilemma. Just cut off all contact now. I don't see any benefit from being in contact with him or the relatives backing him up. Protect yourself and your sanity. Cut them off.

sarcastichues said:

NTA. But your dad and stepmom sure are. They’re knowingly setting her up for heartbreak and painting you as the villain. Sure, she didn’t ask to be brought into this situation, but neither did you. You said it yourself that you’re not mean or cruel to her. I think it would be worse to engage, knowing that at some point you’re going to cut them all off.

Ill-Novel5199 said:

NTA, you were a child dealing with a terrible situation and your father’s actions have caused this situation. They cannot blame you for your reaction to their actions. Yes the child is innocent and not responsible for its birth but that doesn’t mean you are responsible for building a relationship that was severed by your father’s actions.

CryingCynical said:

NTA. You have every right to set boundaries and decide who you want in your life. And let's be real, your dad's side of the family only cares about your half-sibling because they can't face the guilt of enabling your dad's affair. Keep standing your ground and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself.

Specific_Disk_1233 said:

NTA. Funny how your dad who abandoned your mom when she had cancer is now calling you heartless. Just tell him you learned it from him.