Woman refuses to allow her cousin to meet her baby, 'I have hated her with a BURNING PASSION since.' AITA?
"WIBTA if I refused to allow my cousin to meet my baby?"
I (31, F) am giving birth to my first, and likely only, child within the next two weeks. I'm 38 weeks this weekend, and my husband (29, M) and I are very excited! However, we're facing a few issues that come with newborns and family members who don't know how to respect boundaries, and one in particular is REALLY bothering me.
Along with the usual, regarding no kisses, no posting pictures, and no taking the baby from me or her father, we are enforcing a strict rule about visits. During the first week, the only visitors allowed will be my mom and my sister, who will be helping me and my husband with chores and cooking while I am down for recovery.
The second and third week, my husband's mother will be coming to stay, and the three of them will be the only ones allowed around the baby. All other visitors must wait until week four, after she's had time to acclimate her immune system a little bit, get her feeding situation figured out...
(Whether or not I can produce milk or if she will need formula), and get me healthy enough that I can get around and take care of the baby and the house without extensive assistance. (The pregnancy has been hard for me health-wise, and the doctors have predicted a difficult recovery.)
We also have the rule that anyone who has not been an active part of OUR lives pre-baby, has not checked in on us during pregnancy, or is not willing to abide by our boundaries will NOT be meeting the baby as a newborn, if ever. There's literally no need for her to be exposed to a bunch of people that don't matter in her life as a newborn.
Today, my mom told me that her cousin (so my second cousin??) wants to come in from out of state and meet the baby while I'm in my maternity leave period. I do not like this cousin, at all. She's a very aggressive Bible-thumper, who holds nasty beliefs about gender, race, and religion, and she spouts her crap off on anyone she can get her hands on.
I was passively fine with her until a couple of years ago, when my mom had a heart attack. This cousin told me, an absolute wreck of a human who was considering leaving this world myself if my mother didn't make it, that God gave my mom the heart attack to teach her a lesson, and that if she survived, it would only be because God decided she deserved a second chance.
I have hated her with a burning passion ever since. Anyways, when my mom told me that the cousin was going to come visit, I said "No." My mom yelled at me to just get over it (she knows EXACTLY why I hate this cousin) and I need to let her come meet the baby, because she's like a sister to my mom...
(They grew up very closely together), and its important that the matriarchs of the family (her, Bible-thumper and her mom, and myself are the only women in the family) meet the new baby girl. I didn't have time to argue with her, because I had to get to work, so I dropped it, but it has bothered me all day. WIBTA if I refused to let my cousin meet my newborn just because I don't like her?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
seeemilyplay123 said:
NTA. Your baby, your house, your body, your rules. Your MOTHER needs to respect your boundaries.
KingsRansom79 said:
“No! I’m the matriarch of THIS family and she’s not welcome in my home. If you keep pushing for this you’ll find yourself in a similar position.” NTA.
KingsRansom79 said:
“No! I’m the matriarch of THIS family and she’s not welcome in my home. If you keep pushing for this you’ll find yourself in a similar position.” NTA.
FitOrFat-1999 said:
NTA at all. "Mom, whose house is this? Whose baby is this?" Exactly. "I don't want Bible Thumper in my house nor do I want her to meet my baby. If I ever do -I- will invite her, not you."
"And if she shows up here I will throw both of you out. You can take your matriarchy and put it where the sun dont shine. -I- am the matriarch in my house and what I say goes."
Philly3974 said:
NTA. Your house, your baby, your rules. You’re protecting your peace and your newborn, which is not being petty. That cousin crossed a major line during a traumatic time, and you have every right to keep toxic people away, especially during postpartum recovery. Your boundaries are reasonable, and anyone who can’t respect them doesn’t get access.
TuftyBear said:
NTA, seriously NTA. It is not up to your mom who your baby has contact with. It is not up to your mom who you have contact with.