'AITA for not apologizing to my friend after she screamed at me and my kid at her wedding?'
"AITA for not apologizing to my friend after she screamed at me and my kid at her wedding?"
Two weeks ago, I (F29), Hubby (M31), and Son (M4) attended my BFF's (F28) wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony, and everything was going great, until BFF and her husband cut the cake.
Important context, BFF did speak to me during her wedding planning about being unsure on whether or not to allow kids at her wedding. Her 2 sisters both have kids around son's age, and she sees him as her nephew, too.
But, she wanted to be able to let loose and enjoy her wedding without worrying about any kids messing things up. I gave her my opinion, saying me and hubby allowed kids at our wedding and wouldn't have it any other way.
The kids were still family and deserved to be included. After that, and speaking with her sisters, she and her husband OKed kids for the wedding. Now, the ceremony went swimmingly. BFF's nieces sat with me, hubby, and son, as her sisters were in the bridal party. I brought quiet activities to keep them entertained and everybody behaved. I even cried from how lovely it was.
When we got to the reception, nieces were returned to their parents, so it was now just me, Hubby, and Son. Dinner went fine, and then the couple took to the dance floor for their first dance. Afterwards, everybody was welcomed to the floor to dance for a bit before cake cutting.
At this point, the kids were running around and playing with each other and it was a fairly secure space and I knew almost everybody there, so I felt comfortable with Son playing with the other kids while Hubby and I had fun dancing.
Important to mention now, Hubby offered to DD so I could enjoy myself, so I had had a couple glasses of wine at this point. BFF had also been drinking and celebrating. BFF and her husband go to do cake cutting, and hubby and I are a little slow getting there, so there was a crowd blocking our view.
Suddenly, I hear BFF SCREAM Son's name. Hubby and I push forward to see what's wrong. I see my son with frosting around his mouth and on his fingers. The cake had a small chunk taken out of it. I try to apologize, but BFF turns around and yells, "This is YOUR FAULT.
Your son RUINED my cake. He's only here because YOU told me it would be worth it to include the kids!" I yelled back, telling her that it was just an accident and the rest of the cake was still edible. That this was her nephew she was screaming about.
She told me I was no friend of hers and he wasn't her nephew, in front of everyone. She told me to leave or she'd call security. Son and I were crying and the 3 of us left.
One of the bride's sisters reached out to me after and apologized for her sister's reaction, but said I needed to apologize. I think sorries are out the window now after her outburst.
I told her sister so and said I expect an apology first before I'd say anything to her. Not only did she blow up at me in front of everyone, but at my son. I'm humiliated but even more angry on his behalf. So, AITA if I refuse to apologize first?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
sheramom4 said:
YTA. Your child is very young and in need of supervision. It doesn't matter how secure the location is, there are a lot of things that are NOT secure (like cake, glasses, etc) in the venue.
Not only should you apologize, you should have apologized right then and there instead of reacting with "The rest of the cake is still edible (because gross. I doubt your kid had washed his hands in awhile) and "It was an accident."
It wasn't an accident. Your kid is young so it wasn't malicious but it certainly wasn't an accident. You also need to pay at least part of the cost of the cake because that tier was not edible.
AllAFantasy30 said:
YTA. Your son taking a big bite out of the wedding cake wasn’t an accident. He did it because he wanted some cake and didn’t want to wait. He’s 4, but you could have told him not to touch the cake.
This would have been avoided if you’d been supervising him properly. You do need to apologize to your friend for being neglectful to the point where your son ruined the wedding cake. Parents like you who let their kids run rampant then don’t take real responsibility are the reason so many people don’t want kids at events like this.
zzWoWzz said:
YTA. She allowed kids based on your assurance that having kids at the wedding would be okay. It's most especially egregious when the one person who said kids deserved to be included to be the one whose kid f'd over her wedding celebration. It is a big deal. It is a once in a lifetime event.
Hopefully she is not getting a second wedding. You're an asshole for not watching your kids after blabbering how they should have kids at the wedding. And doubly so for not apologizing.
hubertburnette said:
YTA to a raging degree, and surely you know that. Not because you advocated having kids at the wedding but because you weren't even vaguely aware of what your son was doing.
Your son did ruin their cake. How you responded made you double TA, and then refusing to apologize made you triple TA. I'm so sorry your son has a parent as irresponsible and such a bad role model as you.
ScarletSolicitor- said:
YTA. The convo about kids earlier? She wanted her nieces there all along-she was trying to tell you that she was worried your kid wouldn't be supervised and would cause problems.
You didn't get it then because you are that parent that ruins it for everyone else. Then when your kid shoved his filthy hands in the cake (which was not edible afterwards, gross), her frustration boiled over because she had tried to warn you and thought she'd gotten your assurance.
And you think you need an apology? Obviously people need to be really direct with you. YTA. You didn't watch your kid. You should apologize and beg for forgiveness, and pay for the cake.
twozoom said:
YTA. You’re letting your four year old child run around unsupervised at a wedding, when up until that point it seemed like everyone was on the same page of keeping the children supervised? yeah YTA. apologize and hope she accepts it.