Woman refuses to apologize to future MIL, 'either she respects me or we don't get married.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to apologize to my future mother-in-law?"

My fiancé (29M) and I (25F) had been together for two years and a half. Five months ago, we got engaged and we started preparing everything for our wedding. It's supposed to be a moment full of happiness, if it wasn't for his mother.

She never truly liked me, and i knew that from the very start but I tried to not mind it. All I care about is my fiancé and what he thinks. But things had gone worse since our official engagement.

She had been digging and nagging about everything. About the location, the flowers, the dress, how much money HER son is spending. And then my parents. Since of course we have to get married, I introduce my parents (who are Arabs) to them(they are Swiss by the way) She hadn't been nice to them all, always making me or my parents awkward and embarrassed.

My last straw of patience was at a family brunch two weeks ago. We were all there, his family, mine, and some friends. Every moment was an opportunity for my future MIL to say things about my parents right in front of them (they don't speak the language) and laugh with her group of friends, while acting all sweet and fake with my mom.

I couldn't take it anymore. I confronted her, in front of everybody, calling her rude, uneducated, racist. She started crying, acting like a victim. Everyone looked at me weird, including my fiancé.

He at first didn't talk at me about that, but two days after he told me that what I did was not nice, and calling her names in front of everyone wasn't good. And I should apologize. Not only that, he also said I should be mature and not mind his silly mother.

I was mad and offended, so I told him that his mother should respect or we are not getting married. He is still currently pressuring me to apologize, and he doesn't look like he is taking me seriously. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

ScarletNotThatOne said:

NTA. Your fiance should have said all that to his mother, so you wouldn't have had to. In fact, he should have straightened this all out with his mother long before that brunch. But no.

He is permitting his mother to mistreat you and your family, over and over. And now asking *you* to apologize??? This is not a person you should marry! You need a fiance, and husband, who will have your back. That is the main issue here.

mododoro said:

NTA and this should be a hill to die on. What do you think, how will your fMIL treat your child, who will be half arabic? She will always be racist and your bf is enabling this.

hadMcDofordinner said:

Why does he think it's ok for your parents to be insulted by his mother and her friends? NTA You need to think twice about your future. If you will be moving far away from MIL, maybe you will find some peace, but if she's going to be very present in your life, and if your husband is only going to defend her, then, think twice.

Leogirl08 said:

NTA. You should not marry a man that doesn’t stand up for you and allows her to be racist towards you and your family. She will treat your kids the same way. Don’t apologize to her. The fact that he wants to just say she’s silly will be his excuse anytime she disrespects you. Throw both of them away.

YkFrozenlady said:

NTA! You are sticking up for your parents and your fiance calls you out. This is not going to get better. She is a racist, what happens if you have children? There will be cultural differences in raising them. Is this what you really want?

triphex said:

NTA. If he won't stick up for you, and what are soon to be his in-laws, do you think marrying the guy is the best idea?

Brilliant-Egg8470 said:

NTA. why do you have the be "mature" one at 25 but his mother (assuming she's in her late 40s or older) doesn't have to? Sounds like a mama's boy.