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Woman refuses to attend cruise with family who didn't buy her a wedding gift; AITA?

Woman refuses to attend cruise with family who didn't buy her a wedding gift; AITA?


Weddings can be expensive for both the couples planning it and the guests who attend, but getting the newlyweds a gift off their registry or a donation to their honeymoon fund is usually the unspoken trade for a free dinner and bar tab...

So, when a frustrated woman decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about an upcoming couples cruise, people were ready to hear the tea.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for refusing to go on vacation with family because they didn’t get us a wedding present?

I (29F) married my husband (30M) about 7 months ago. We had a big wedding, welcome guest party the day before, brunch, etc. all covered by us. My husband’s aunts on one side and all of his cousins came (9 people total) and did not even get us a card.

We have gone to multiple weddings for people in this family and have paid for our flights, hotels (some were destinations), and given at least $300 every time.

It honestly made me sick to my stomach when we saw that they didn’t get us a literal $2 cvs card. My husband was bummed for a minute but then just got over it (he’s an “oh well” kinda guy with pretty much anything).

My husband recently said they were all catching up over text and asked us to go on a cruise with them in march, saying they would love to see us. I told my husband I’m not comfortable with that after what happened with the gifts at our wedding.

He scoffed and said that no one necessarily deserves a wedding present and we should be happy they came. Personally, these are not really people I want to be close with - I image that we will get stuck paying for everything (as we have in the past) since there is just little care.

I feel like they tend to often be selfish and use us for things and I don’t really want to spend my money and vacation time on a cruise with them versus doing something else. A lunch, fine, but not a whole vacation.

It isn’t that I need an expensive gift. One guest brought us these wine glasses that she found at a thrift store for $4 and they are beautiful and one of my favorite gifts!

Not only are they beautiful, but you can tell how much thought she put into the gift and wrapping. It’s that they came and didn’t even bother to get us a card or really wish us well. It just feels disrespectful.

My husband is upset with me and says he can’t really go by himself since it’s all couples. We’re at an impasse. AITA for refusing to go on the cruise because they didn’t get us a wedding card or present?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this mess...

musical_mellon said:

NTA. They have a history of taking advantage of whatever wealth you have without showing any sort of gratitude. Also known as leeches. I get that it's hard for your husband but he'll have to find a way around that for himself.

Interesting_Order_82 said:

NTA. If I were being used like a cash cow on vacation I’d never vacation again with those relatives. And as for the wedding issue…I’m sure I’d be on the same page as you. Horribly rude to not even give a card.

So rude. As you said, it’s not the amount, it’s the thought. I’d be irritated at my husband for being blasé about it. Stand your ground and refuse to go.

Far_Nefariousness773 said:

NTA. Your reasoning wasn't the gifts, but that they always use you. Maybe you should have that conversation with your husband. I don’t want to go because we always pay for everything and I feel used. Set some boundaries because that is his family.

SnooCupcakes3634 said:

NTA. But I thought some ppl say that you have up to one year after the wedding to send a gift? Though most ppl don't wait that long. So you would have five more months to go.

gahidus said:

YTA. Your husband has a much better attitude that will make him much happier in life. There's no need to hold on to grudges or to keep ledger books of who owes who what favors and what gifts. If your friends want to invite you along on a cruise, then just go and enjoy the cruise and their company.

You're also potentially cutting your husband off from his family and friends, aside from the fact that you're cutting yourself out of what could be a fun vacation.

If they didn't get you a gift and you're upset about it then maybe you should ask them about it instead of just stewing. Stewing and nursing your own resentment doesn't help anyone, least of all you.

Go on the cruise with your husband and enjoy yourselves. Let him catch up with his family, and release your grudges. If you don't want to spend extra money on them during the vacation, then simply don't. He's right. It's called a wedding gift, not a wedding admission fee.

DNA_ligase said:

NTA. This truthfully doesn't seem to be an issue over a wedding gift--which, yeah, could be construed as thoughtless, but not necessarily something worth throwing an otherwise good relationship into the trashcan.

This seems to be about the fact that those family members expect to be given things with nothing given back in return, whether in appreciation or reciprocal actions. If it's a long-term pattern, then there's really no point in continuing a close relationship.

While the opinions were slightly divided here...most people agreed that this newlywed woman wouldn't be wrong to skip the cruise even if it's over something as petty as a wedding gift.

Sources: Reddit
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