Woman refuses to attend Mother's Day bachelorette party, 'this might be the last straw.' AITA?

"AITA for not leaving my 11-week-old baby to go to a bachelorette party during Mother’s Day weekend?"

I (28F) just gave birth to my second child toward the end of February of this year. My friend (28F) is getting married this May and I am a bridesmaid in her upcoming wedding. My first child is also a flower girl.

My friend decided that she didn’t want to have a bachelorette party earlier this year to avoid drama with a younger sister who has bad BPD. My friend’s older sister is the MOH and decided a couple of weeks ago that she was going to throw my friend a surprise bachelorette party.

The only weekend that worked for both of them is Mother’s Day weekend, and my friend’s sister told all of us that she understands if not all of us can go. My son is only going to be 11 weeks old at the time of the party and is mainly breastfed.

He also has bad reflux issues at times, and can be hard for others to deal with. The bachelorette is also 4 hours away from home and it’s hard to justify even a day trip with a little one this small.

Well last night my friend found out that I can’t go and was really upset about it. I explained to her how much I truly wish I could be there, but I am unable to right now due to not being able to leave my son for that long yet. My friend basically told me not to talk to her anytime in the near future and that she will see me at the rehearsal dinner.

AITA for not being able to go? I really wish that I could, but my kids are always my first priority. I don’t appreciate her making me feel like a bad person for needing to be a mom.

I will say that this friend has a bad history of needing to remain in control and likes to take things out on me when things don’t go her way. This might be the last straw for me, however, and I’m not sure if I even want to be in the wedding anymore.

Here's what people had to say about this one:

Spike-2021 said:

NTA. Holy crap! If your "friend" is unable to understand what you shared here, she is either painfully dumb or ridiculously entitled! Your reasons are absolutely valid and you would be TA if you compromised yourself or your baby who suffers from reflux to attend.

You are doing the right thing for your child and yourself and that's the most important of all. I'm not sure I'd attend the wedding if I were you. Your "friend" is a completely unreasonable AH.

kimba-the-tabby-lion said:

You are NTA. You can't leave your son, and no one wants a baby at a bachelorette. I am sorry your friend is sad, but you can't help that.

Zillah-The-Broken said:

NTA, that's not a friend. do yourself a favor, cut her off and move on with your family. I find it ironic she wouldn't do a Bachelorette party because of her BPD sister and she throws a hissy fit over you not being able to attend? looks like it runs in the family.

mavenmim said:

NTA. You are a breastfeeding mom, and need to prioritize your baby. It is a big ask to travel 4 hours each way for an event, especially on mother's day weekend, and unrealistic to be away from baby for that long.

You'll feel physically uncomfortable and your boobs will leak, whilst your baby will likely be distressed and isn't used to bottle feeding, even if you can express milk to leave. And you can't expect a small baby to travel with you for this kind of thing, so it just isn't possible. If a friend isn't sympathetic to that, then they aren't a friend.

YellowFirestorm said:

Do most young women turn into bridezillas now? I’m confused. Of course you’re going to choose your newborn over a party. Who wouldn’t understand that? Did she never have compassion and understanding or is this new. Definitely NTA.

JeepersCreepers74 said:

NTA. Support for friends does not turn into a one-way street just because one of them is getting married. Yes, it would be nice for you to support her at her bachelorette, but it's just not an option due to the demands of a newborn.

You're already supporting her by assuming your other bridesmaid duties. But as to this last-minute bachelorette, she needs to support you and your decision to stay home with your kids.