Woman REFUSES to attend sister's 4th wedding; 'On top of that, this is her SECOND marriage.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to attend my sister's 4th wedding?"

My sister is about to get married for the fourth time BUT this is her second marriage. Confused? Let me explain. My sister Emily (39f) got married when she was 20 to Adam.

She had Eliza (12) and Ryan (10) with Adam. But Adam sadly died when the kids were 3 and 5. Emily met John (42m) a year later at a group for widowed parents. They started dating about 18 months after they met and got married 7 months into a relationship. John has three kids with his late wife who are now 13, 11 and 10.

At their first wedding the kids were unhappy and as a result they acted out and "ruined the wedding". In reality the photos were a mess because the kids didn't want to be in them, wouldn't smile, there was fighting, etc.

They wouldn't sit together and one of them knocked over the wedding cake. In addition there was so much attention on the kids that Emily and John felt their day had been overshadowed.

So they went into therapy and after a little more than a year they decided to redo their wedding and try to make it perfect the second time around.

But the kids were still unhappy and the wedding was still miserable for Emily and John because they had not created a blended family like they wanted and the kids were very open about this during the wedding and again didn't want to sit together or pose for photos.Emily and John now have almost two more kids together.

They have a daughter and Emily is expecting again. They want to retry the wedding once their last child is here. But their kids are still not blended and their household is intense and messy and not happy in the slightest. They are still in therapy though.

Most of the family are willing to do this so Emily can have a happy wedding. But I made it clear I won't be attending this fourth wedding. Emily told me I should be a supportive younger sister and come to the next wedding.

I told her I was at her other three and I didn't want to attend several more of her weddings because she's trying to create a happy image when her family isn't happy. She told me I should be willing to attend as many as it takes and this next one is hopefully going to be it. She told me I shouldn't be judging her anyway. That she's doing her best. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

fealty7 writes:

NTA. 4 weddings is ridiculous, especially when 3 of them are to the same person. I hope they’re not expecting gifts for their wedding. Also;

Why do they continue to have the children at the wedding when they ruin it? Just have an adults only event and leave the kids with a babysitter for the day.

Where the heck is the money coming from for FOUR weddings?

adga9 writes:

YTA. Family is family. Just support it's not a big deal.

aglahu writes:

NTA at all. Your sister and John are trying for a fourth time to create a perfect day......for themselves! Not for the very flawed family that they have created.

They were selfish to go through with the first wedding knowing how their kids felt and have only made things worse by trying over and over again and by adding bio kids to this dumpster fire. I would love to know what their therapist thinks of this mess. I wouldn't go near this if I were you.

asparagustwe6 writes:

NTA. Tell her you’ll go to the fifth when it inevitably happens. She’s never going to have the perfect day because her expectations are too high. A picture perfect wedding seems more important to her than actually enjoying the day.

catask writes:

NTA. Seems your sister has a standing reservation at the wedding venue. Can't imagine their therapist was overly encouraging about them continuing to repeat a wedding when the root causes have not been addressed... namely the non-blending of this family.

I'm not saying you shouldn't go, but you are not the AH for the reasons you stated. Obviously the first 2 were not an issue, but the Second Marriage's third attempt seems ridiculous, and especially for their reasons.

You want to renew your vows after several years, that's one thing, but based on your post this is just for photos. Guess what..... Get dressed up, bring the kids and have a photographer do it and not bother everyone else being invited to rubber neck as this slow moving accident passes by.