Woman refuses to attend sister's wedding, 'she made my fiancé the assistant photographer.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to attend my sister's wedding after she made my fiancé the 'assistant photographer?'"

So, my (28F) sister (32F) is getting married in a few months, and what should be an exciting time has turned into a massive source of tension between us. For some context, my fiancé (29M) is an incredibly talented photographer. He’s done some professional work, but it’s more of a hobby for him now.

When my sister was planning her wedding, she mentioned wanting to hire a photographer, but when she found out how much it would cost, she started looking for alternatives. I suggested that she ask my fiancé if he’d be willing to help out.

She seemed hesitant but eventually agreed, and they talked it over. He agreed to take some photos as a favor but made it clear that he wanted to enjoy the day as a guest, not work the entire event.

Fast forward to last week, and my sister sends out the final wedding itinerary to the bridal party and family. I noticed that my fiancé’s name is listed as “Assistant Photographer,” with a full schedule of shots he’s supposed to get throughout the day, including the ceremony, reception, and even some pre-wedding moments. She’s essentially turned him into an unpaid staff member without even asking him!

I was livid. I called my sister and told her that this was not what we agreed on, and she couldn’t just decide to give him a job on her wedding day. She got defensive and said that since he’s “so good at photography,” she assumed he’d want to help out more and that I was being unreasonable.

She added that weddings are expensive, and she can’t afford to hire someone else, so he’s “doing the family a favor.” I told her that if she was going to treat my fiancé like an employee, then neither of us would be attending the wedding.

Now, my parents are furious with me, saying I’m overreacting and that I’m “ruining” my sister’s big day over something that should be a “non-issue.” They think my fiancé should just suck it up for the sake of family.

Even my sister’s fiancé texted me, calling me selfish for “putting a silly title” over my sister’s happiness. My fiancé is totally on my side and feels used, but now I’m starting to wonder if I’m being too harsh. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

catlettuce said:

NTA, tell them your BF is out and will be your plus one and then just enjoy the wedding.

Love-Plate8555 said:

NTA for defending your fiance and he should definitely not do the free job. YTA for giving your sister the idea and suggesting she asks him to help in the first place.

Ok-Sea3170 said:

NTA. It's funny how photographers are always too important to go without, but not important enough to pay.

Calypte_A said:

ESH. She was planning to hire a photographer. Why did you volunteer him without discussing it with him first? You should've stayed quiet and let her just hire a photographer. In the end, this is your fault.

Recent_Data_305 said:

ESH. You should not have volunteered him. He is a grown adult and can offer his own talents should he so choose. How can he be “assistant photographer” if there is no actual photographer?

Your sister should hire a wedding photographer. There is a reason they are expensive. It is not an easy job herding cats at a wedding and getting all the shots you really want.

They spend time editing images and even put the books together. This is what you have after everything else is put away. If she wants professional photos - she needs to hire a professional.

Sad-File3624 said:

YTA for volunteering his services and is now crying foul. Tell your sister that there are apps to share wedding photos; that way, everyone can be a wedding photographer without her having to pay for it. Some images might be great, others not so much, but she’ll get documentation of the day.

No-Abies-1232 said:

YTA “ When my sister was planning her wedding, she mentioned wanting to hire a photographer, but when she found out how much it would cost, she started looking for alternatives. I suggested that she ask my fiancé if he’d be willing to help out.”

You had no right to tell her to ask your fiancé to begin with. You should have talked to your fiancé 1st to see if he was at all interested. You literally had to talk her into even asking him. You started this whole mess. Wtf!?!

Later, OP updated the post to include:

Based on some of the comments, I feel like I need to say that I didn't "offer" my fiancé's services, especially not for free. I suggested to my sister to talk to my fiancé to see if he'd want to help out because he had been saying he wanted to shoot something "serious."

He's been really into photography lately so I thought it would be fun for him. But he didn't sign up to be a "Assistant Photographer" it was just supposed to be an opportunity for him and then he'd send my sister the pics. He was still going to be a guest but just taking some pictures.

Idk why everyone keeps saying I "offered" my fiancé's services. My fiancé told me they talked and that's how I know what they agreed to. Also idk why everyone keeps commenting about my "boyfriend," he's my fiancé. It doesn't help to be told IATAH for offering my boyfriend's services when that isn't what happened at all.

Last update: A lot of people are mentioned the assistant photographer thing like there is a main professional photographer. As I said in a comment, I think my sister just added "assistant" to justify not paying him.

I only posted because my family is taking my sister's side and saying I'm being petty and ruining her big day, and I hate knowing I made them upset. My fiancé has been incredibly supportive through all of this, but I’m struggling with how to navigate this family drama.