'WIBTA If I refused to be a bridesmaid in my BFF's Game of Thrones themed wedding?'
"WIBTA If I Refused To Be A Bridesmaid In My Best Friend’s Wedding?"
So I (25F) recently learned that one of my best friends from college, Lila (25F) is engaged. I’m incredibly happy for her, and I was initially excited until she told me what her and her fiancé Ben’s (27M) plans are for the wedding.
For some background, I met Lila in college. We were dorm roomies in freshman year, then roommates again at a nearby apartment in junior year. Senior year, she moved in with Ben and I got a new roommate. A few months later, the pandemic began. Ben and Lila used the pandemic to try and develop interests together.
Both of them enjoy their at-home movie dates, so they tried to find film and tv series to watch together. A month into this endeavor, one of Ben’s friends suggests Game of Thrones, and to say they got hooked is an understatement. Aside from her chosen field of study/work, I have legitimately never seen Lila so passionate about something. It became her and Ben’s life.
They watched the series, read the books, and even started dressing up for conventions. I thought it was super sweet, but I’m not much of a high fantasy person, and I’ve heard the show is heavy on gore and SA, which I have a lot of trouble sitting through.
Lila did invite once to a re-watch party she and Ben hosted the next year (2021) but I declined and told her why, and she’s not made efforts to get me interested since and says she gets it.
While I would definitely call Lila and Ben’s interest in the show obsessive, they don’t push it onto other people and it’s not caused issues so far when me or other friends aren’t into it. That being said, I’m worried that if I refuse to be a bridesmaid in her wedding due to her Game of Thrones theme, I’m worried she’ll actually take it poorly.
I don’t know if this makes me an ahole, but I genuinely do not want to put money into dress/hair/makeup for me to be styled as an imaginary character for a wedding. It feels ridiculous. She and her husband are going to be married dressed as their favorite characters (who are also either in a relationship or they think they should be?
All the names are hard to keep up with and I get them confused), and the bridesmaids and groomsmen will also be styled to look like other characters, and the guests will be asked to wear the “house colors” of the character the bride or the groom is dressed as, depending on which one invited them. We haven’t been “assigned” characters yet, but I don’t care, I don’t want to do it.
I want Ben and Lila to have their special day, and I want it to be what they want, but I don’t want to pay good money for what are essentially costumes of fake people. It feels weird, but I want to be supportive and not be a D. WIBTA if I backed out?
EDIT:
Just to clarify two things: my main concern is how much money I’ll have to sink into this because she doesn’t want simple dresses that sort of go with the characters, she wants full (somewhat extensive) costuming and most likely expensive styled lace fronts. I don’t want to sink money into something that I’m going to feel ridiculous wearing.
Also, I wasn’t necessarily asked, I was just added to a group chat and she said “you’re all going to be my bridesmaids!” I replied excitedly before she started rolling out all of these expectations.
No I don’t think her wedding idea is stupid. No it’s not the theme that’s throwing me off. No I don’t hate the show. She wants us to get new custom wigs and costumes, it will be at serious expense to each of us, and she will be keeping it all afterwards to display in her Game of Thrones room.
I love Lila and I think her wedding theme is going to be fun, I just don’t know if I can financially keep up, and if I could, it would be a lot of money going to something I really won’t be comfy in that I then have to turn over to her, so I’ll never get any more use out it.
That’s where my conflicting lies. I do not hate her or her theme or the show, I’m just worried about being physically uncomfortable in an expensive costume, that will then go on a mannequin. It’s also going to be an outdoor ceremony in spring and I’m worried about the layers getting too warm.
Here's what the top commenters had to say:
Pesec1 said:
NAH at this point. They have a right to have wedding the way they want, you have no obligation to be a part of it. That said, instead of flat out backing out, you may consider being upfront about limits to your expenses and time commitment. Also, if they both dress in red and get blonde hair, be concerned.
mfruitfly said:
Is this the hill you want to kill your friendship over? If her theme was "Winter Wonderland" or even just "Blue" you would have to buy a dress as a bridesmaid and likely pay for hair/makeup as well. The dress you would get as a bridesmaid, no matter what we try and convince ourselves, will likely never be worn again.
You can definitely set boundaries about cost and also what you are comfortable wearing, which you can do in any wedding; we all have budgets, and we can all say no to strapless, so similarly you can say no armor or something like that.
At the end of the day, this will hurt your friend's feelings. Ideally she will say she understands and ask you to attend as a guest, but it will hurt her and leave you out of a lot of potentially special memories as a bridesmaid. Is all that worth it to not wear a slightly ridiculous outfit?
YTA if the answer to that is yes, cause I'd wear a storm trooper outfit or go full renaissance fair for my friends.
WickedAngelLove said:
If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. But weddings aren't about YOU, they are about the couple getting married and being with them and honoring however they want to have their wedding.
If that's your best friend, you should suck it up. But if you don't want to do it, then don't. But YTA because you said yes and the only reason you are backing out is bc you don't like the theme which sucks bc if you can't count on your friends, who can you count on?
BaronWiggle said:
YTA. Mild AH, but still TA. You're of course not obligated to go to a wedding that you don't want to go to. Which is why you're only a bit of an AH. But be honest, there's more going on here.
Backing out of being a bridesmaid is kind of a big deal. It's not something you do just because you think their wedding theme is a bit silly. You need to ask yourself what it is about this wedding, or the theme, that bothers you enough to potentially upset a friend over.
justagalandabarb said:
YTA - this is akin to backing out being in a wedding party because you don’t like the bridesmaids dress. Nobody likes their bridesmaids dress. If you support your friend you wear what makes her happy.. There are plenty of ugly ass, fake people, bridesmaids dresses out there that good friends wear. Just go and have fun with it.
guiltyeavesdropper said:
YTA. I was with you when you said they got obsessive over GoT but then you, yourself have mentioned that she's never forced that onto anyone. You being a bridesmaid is not her trying to persuade you to get hooked to the show, but have a wedding she and her future husband want.
It wouldn't kill you to give in for just ONE day. If you really care about her then you need to get over yourself pretty quick. More than being mad at you, she will be incredibly hurt that her friend refused to be the bridesmaid just because of the theme and she'll beat herself up about that which is not fair in any way.
Witch_on_a_moped said:
YTA. It's a costume. Would you back out if she picked out a hideous bridesmaids dress? The wedding isn't about you and what you like. You can wear a silly costume for a day to support your friends wacky wedding.