Woman refuses to cancel plans to be there for the birth of 'friend's' baby, 'she LOST it.' AITA?

"AITA for not canceling plans to be there for the birth of a 'friend’s' baby?"

So I (27F) reconnected with a childhood acquaintance (29F) recently when she moved to my city. My dad and her mom used to work together. We weren’t close growing up, but when she moved to my city around 5 months pregnant, she reached out.

I know how lonely it can be to move somewhere new, so I agreed to hang out and tried to help her settle in. When I moved here, I didn’t know anyone either. And now I’m the only one she knows.

At first it was fine, I did little things like I drove her to look at apartments (she didn’t have a car), helped her run errands, and my dad even built her furniture when she got an apartment. My dad came to visit me for the weekend and we spent it helping her settle in.

She has no support system, the baby’s dad is out of the picture, and she’s unemployed (not sure how she’s funding everything). I genuinely wanted to be kind and supportive. I even introduced her to some of my friends and she was so rude to them and then wouldn’t stop talking poorly about them.

But then things escalated. She started demanding I go with her everywhere.. doctor’s appointments, grocery shopping, even to do nails. She started jokingly calling the baby “our baby” because I’ve been around so much. She’ll say things like “our baby is craving fries from McDonalds” and beg me to get them for her.

She even offers to pay me. She refuses to use meal delivery apps because she doesn’t trust that they won’t do something to the food, she says. This has been going on FOR MONTHS.

Fast forward: I’m a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding and flying home (Puerto Rico) for 4 weeks to help with the shower, rehearsal, wedding, and even organizing her closet in her husband’s apartment while she’s on her honeymoon (they don’t live together until after the wedding). When my acquaintance came over and saw me packing, she lost it.

She said I never told her about my trip. She said she was counting on me to be there for the birth (which will definitely happen while I’m away, I leave tomorrow and she’s ready to pop any minute), and even expected me to MOVE IN with her for the first month after the baby was born to “help out,” since I have nanny experience.

She also told me she was planning on me watching the baby on the days I work from home (2 days of the week). I told her I wasn’t canceling my flight or shortening my trip, and now she’s furious, saying I’m abandoning her and the baby.

That I’m all they have. She’s posting about me on social media saying I betrayed her. Her mom, who lives in our state just 4.5 hours away, is commenting and encouraging her.

I told my mother about this and she also said I was a bad friend to leave her and her baby when they need me, that she agrees moving in is a lot but I should be there during birth, only travel for the wedding, and then come back to help with meals, etc. and told me she won’t be picking me up at the airport tomorrow because she knows I’ll do the right thing. So...AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Individual_Metal_983 said:

You have allowed yourself to be sucked into this unhealthy dynamic. You are not this girl's partner and she has taken you for granted. You committed to your friend's wedding and it seems you are so taken for granted that you weren't even asked to help with the baby. Now she is posting on social media you have an opportunity to block her. She can seek support from those who should be helping. NTA.

TheRoadkillRapunzel said:

NTA. You need to start laying some hard boundaries NOW or else this will either escalate or end the friendship. Please don’t miss out on seeing your family because this woman has decided you are all she needs. She needs family and support, and she’s abusing your kindness instead.

She needs to move back in with the mommy she’s been tattling on you to if she’s so desperate for help. Also, shut that free babysitting stuff down NOW or else you’re going to find a baby left at your doorstep while she “runs errands.”

Brave-Fun-7984 said:

NTA. Go have fun at your best friend's wedding. When she mentioned your past as a nanny did she mention paying you or did she expect you to do all this for free? Besides what kind of friend decides to drop her baby with you when you're working from home? Doesn't she realize that you'll be busy working and not being able to care for a baby during that time?

No, she's not your friend, she's using you. If she wants someone to be there for the baby and help her that is the baby's father and since her mom is on her side, why doesn't the mom move in with her?

ugh_idfk said:

Absolutely NTA. You barely know this woman yet went out of your way to be kind and help her out with learning to navigate a new area/situation. Now suddenly you're expected to upend your life to take care of her and her child? Holy friggin entitlement! I'd be telling these moms that they're more than welcome to go and play babysitter for her and baby. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

dontlikebeige said:

NTA. You have the perfect way to cut this off. Go! Why is she in your city with no job or family? She has no ties, so she needs to go home to momma. Who is very weird for wanting you to take care of grandbaby's birth instead of her being there. If you give in, you will be stuck with this very strange person and raise her baby. Cut her off right now.

orpheusoxide said:

NTA. Whenever I see someone who tolerates being used this badly, I question who trained them to be that way. As soon as you mentioned your mom's opinion, I realized who got to you. How dare you have an existence outside of your friend's needs? You're not a person with a life, you are a tool to her. Just separate now.