Woman refuses to date as a single mom, 'it upsets one of my friends.' AITA? 'I don't trust myself.'
"AITA for not wanting to date as a single mom even though it upsets one of my friends who wants me to try dating her brother?"
I (30f) am a single mom to 11 year old twins. I haven't dated and never had a boyfriend or any relationship. My twins were conceived in a pretty awful way but I love my kids and I have done everything to provide them with a good life or the best life I could give them. For a few years now I've had some friends who have always been super great about things.
But now I'm having issues with one of my friends. Several months ago my kids and I went to a BBQ party she hosted and I briefly met her brother. After the BBQ he told her he was interested in me and she's been on a mission to try and set us up ever since but I told her numerous times I'm not interested.
She gets more upset the more I refuse and has asked me why. Even when I explained it to her she said a single parent has the right to date and have their own life and she said I deserve a good partner and her brother is a good guy and we'd be great together.
The truth of it all is I don't trust myself to date while my kids are under 18 or even while my kids live with me. I was raised in a toxic household and was left with many self-esteem issues from that. My parents lived in the same house with their respective spouses and all four treated me horribly. It was unusual and unconventional and it didn't work because of the personality of them all.
I was told every day how disgusting and ugly I was and I internalized it and never made friends or connections outside the house because of them. I still lived with them when I got pregnant, when I was abused by the son of a friend of one of them. Getting pregnant was what kicked off my drive to make a better life for us.
My kids looking like me is what made me stop seeing myself as disgusting and ugly because my babies are beautiful and I never want them to feel like I did. Loving them helped me love myself. Or at least to hate myself less. I have worked at that so hard for them. Our lives weren't always easy but I have fought for my kids and worked my a off to give them better.
There were times a partner would have made our situation easier financially and my kids may have benefitted from a stepdad. But I don't have the best instincts when it comes to people. I know that. And I know that not all step-parents are good.
Not all are bad either. But I know I could get us in a mess so fast by trusting the wrong person or entering the wrong relationship. I would never judge another single parent for dating but I don't want to risk my kids because of my issues.
I don't want to lose a friend over this and it's not about saying her brother's a bad guy or that I don't trust/believe her. But even good people can have a bad relationship. I also don't want to sound judgy toward single parents who date. I think my friend sees it as all that because it's her brother and he already has an interest in me. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Waste_Tie_6945 said:
NTA, if you are not interested in dating for whatever reasons it’s your choice. Your friend should respect that. May I suggest therapy if you can. It would help you in many ways. I don’t mean that in a bad way. Therapy is very beneficial!
astralspiral93 said:
Dating as a single mom? That’s like adding another layer of complexity to an already complicated recipe! You’ve got the perfect ingredients for chaos—twins and trust issues. It’s not about being anti-dating; it’s about being pro-kids! Your friend needs to understand that matchmaking is not always the best match.
Decent-Cranberry-349 said:
NTA - I hate matchmakers, especially pushy ones. No means no. You got little ones to prioritize, not enough to entertain someone. She can't accept it then it's time she backs off. Once you feel ready to date is on your time or purely by accident.
Safe_Ad_7777 said:
NTA. You don't want to date her brother. You don't have to justify why; not to us, him, her or anybody else. YOU SAID NO. She's crossed the line into weird and creepy, and you'd be completely justified in getting snarky.
CampSpiritual3808 said:
NTA- Your friend is pushy and she is disrespectful to your boundaries. No means no. This is not just for men, women should understand and accept NO as answer and move on. She has no rights to be upset with you. Maybe having a distance with her is not a bad idea.
omrmajeed said:
NTA. You are 100% in the right. Keep it up. Your "friend" can piss off.
Condensed_Sarcasm said:
NTA. Your friend needs to back off. If her brother is "such a good guy," then he'll back off too. I don't blame you for not wanting to date when you have kids - the dating world can be scary AF.
Queasy-Flower-9258 said:
NTA. You’ve done nothing wrong but your “friend” is for being so pushy. Did you ever get any justice for the horrible thing that happened to you. Simple yes or no is fine, you don’t have to explain.