Woman refuses to be friend's 'fat bridesmaid aesthetic,' 'it's giving REAL women.' AITA?
"AITA for saying I don’t want to be my friend’s 'fat bridesmaid aesthetic?'"
I (29F) have a friend, (30F), who’s getting married in October. We’ve been close since college but lately it feels like I’m just...aesthetic filler to her. She picked her bridal party dresses without asking for input and they’re tight. Like SKIMS-meets-sausage-casing tight.
I'm a size 16. The other girls are size 2–6. I asked if there were other options and she laughed and said, “Nooo I love how it looks with all different body types, like it’s giving real women.”
Excuse me? I asked her straight up if she just wanted me there as some token diversity of size and she got quiet, then hit me with the “You’re so confident, though! That’s why I wanted you in it!” Which is honestly code for “you make me look better.”
I told her I’m not comfortable being someone’s walking body positivity prop, and maybe she should get one of her influencer friends instead. She cried, told me I was ruining her vision, and now the group chat is weirdly quiet.
My boyfriend thinks I should just suck it up for the day, but I’m so tired of pretending shit doesn’t bother me when it clearly does. AITA for saying I don’t want to be part of her Pinterest fantasy?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
OkManufacturer767 said:
NTA. It wasn't, "But I want you by my side" it was, "You're ruining my vision." I'm sorry. For you learning this about her. For learning this about your bf.
IDontLikeGreenPeas said:
NTA. When you said you didn't want to be a bridesmaid, she said "you're ruining my vision." She didn't say "you're one of my best friends and I want you by my side when I get married," or "our friendship is really special and it won't be the same without you."
She pretty much confirmed you're a bridesmaid because of how you look. There's no reason you should feel bad about dropping out; she can go hire someone to take your place who "fits her vision."
Ok_Collection5842 said:
“She cried, told me I was ruining her vision." I miss weddings before influencers.
Crochetgardendog said:
It seems like you might be filtering her conversation with you with some of your own insecurities? Hard to say without knowing who she is. You mention of her having “influencer friends” which might mean she really does view her friends as props in her wedding.
But it’s not unusual at all for brides to choose their bridesmaids dresses with zero input. I was a bridesmaid in four different weddings, and I was never consulted about the dress. Maybe YTA?
Important_Chip_6247 said:
Group chat is quiet = they formed another group chat without you Having said that, if you don’t feel comfortable in the dress, that’s fine, just don’t participate. But this isn’t your day. Don’t make this about you.
sugarplumbuttfluck said:
ESH, mostly you. Almost everything you said is an assumption on your part about what other people are thinking. You are building up this scandal in your head without any proof. It genuinely sounds like you're projecting your insecurities onto her.
It is lame to be super rigid about clothing at a wedding though so I agree she's kinda TA, but it is also her wedding and it's not at all uncommon for there to be a strict stress code.
haveanotherpringle said:
YTA - what are these commenters on? Like its a secret brides have a vision on their wedding day? Plus size girlies are always on that 'I can wear the same thing' vibe and instead of asking her if you could wear something else, you went straight to shes a bad friend?
Bridesmaids tend to all wear the same thing - she picked a dress she thought everyone would look good in. You're bringing the drama and losing friends. You could have approached this so differently.