Woman refuses to give engagement ring from late fiancé to engaged sister, 'I'm not using it anymore.' AITA?
"AITA for not giving my late fiancé’s ring to my sister?"
So this has turned into a huge fight in my family, and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong or not. I (30F) lost my fiancé, Dorian, three years ago in a car accident. It was horrible, and I’m still healing form it. One of the few things I have left of him is my engagement ring. I don’t wear it anymore, but I keep it in a box on my dresser because it means the world to me.
Last week my younger sister, Elara (26F), got engaged and we were all super happy for her. But then she pulled me aside and asked me for a favor. She said since I’m not using Dorian’s ring anymore, I should give it to her so she can use the diamond for her own ring.
I just stared at her and asked if she was serious. She said yes because it would be a beautiful way to honor Dorian and also be practical since diamonds are expensive I told her absolutely not. The ring is one of the last things I have of Dorian, and I’m not giving it away.
She got upset and said I was being selfish. Since I’m dating someone new now, I should be moving on and letting go of the past. I told her moving on does not mean erasing Dorian from my life.
Then she started crying, which got my mom involved My mom immediately took her side, saying that holding onto the ring is only keeping me stuck in grief and that giving it to Elara would help me move forward and be symbolic.
I told them both to drop it, but Elara keeps texting me, saying she deserves a family heirloom just like our cousins got and that I’m being cruel for keeping it to myself. My boyfriend, Cassian, is totally on my side and thinks Elara is being ridiculous, but half my family is acting like I’m the bad guy. So, AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Far_Information_9613 said:
NTA and I would tell them to stop immediately, it’s disrespectful, and that I’m blocking them for a week to think about it. If they mention it again, I’m blocking them a month and not going to the wedding.
Ill-Novel5199 said:
NTA. Hide your ring, often when family won’t take no for an answer, or pressure you to agree, they resort to taking the item even without consent.
BliepBlipBlop said:
She sees your ring as a family heirloom just because your fiancé died? Isn't that disturbing? She has 0 right to the ring. NTA.
Twisted_Vanity said:
NTA. The ring holds sentimental value and it is not selfish to want to keep it. Your sister should respect your decision and not try to guilt trip you into giving it away.
InternationalAbies72 said:
NTA. It is your ring. Something you have to remember your lover that was taken from you way too soon. Furthermore. It is NOT a family heirloom. Point blank, all there is to it. If she wants a family heirloom she needs to be asking your mother for her engagement ring, a grandmother if they're alive. Her fiances mother or grandmothers.
Just because you do not use it every day does not mean that anyone else has a right to it. Stick up for yourself. Do not let them talk you out of that ring, you will likely regret it forever. And if you do decide to ever give it away, it should be because YOU want to.
Whether it's you selling it, giving it to a future child. It's your property and your decision. They can kick rocks and if your mother wants to stick her nose in it kindly thank her for offering up her own jewelry to picked through to be repurposed for your sister's engagement ring.
fantasticfishfingers said:
NTA and it’s bizarre that anyone would even consider asking this. She wants a family heirloom? Those come from your mom, your grandma, and/or your aunts. Not from your essentially widowed sister. Elara is acting very entitled. It’s her fiancée’s job to provide her with an engagement ring.
If diamonds are too expensive she can explore the world of moissanite and cubic zirconia. Lots of people choose not to purchase diamonds for ethical reasons but still want the look of a diamond. That’s how you do it.