Woman refuses to give her partner equity in her house in exchange for chores. AITA? 'This is unfair.'
"WIBTA if I do not give my partner equity in the house in exchange for housework?"
This dispute involves the following parties: Me (33F) and my partner (36M). I have a good corporate job; I bought a townhouse 7 years ago when I was single. Met my partner 3 years ago. He moved into my townhouse. Pays occasional (well below market value) rent, buys occasional groceries.
I cover well over 80+% of the expenses. My partner is a PhD student. When he moved in with me he cut a LOT of expenses. He no longer had to work his bad part time job to pay his rent in a shared apartment with 4 other guys.
My partner does do more housework than I (60/40 split), and he cooks more often (65/35). I do not mind this arrangement; I care about him deeply and we generally get along well and have a caring relationship.
The issue is this: I am selling my townhouse and buying a house. I am fronting the entire cost, and am the only one on the mortgage. Before we move in, I asked my partner to sign a cohabitation agreement (basically a prenup for non married people).
I gave him the agreement, which basically said I keep the house and doesn’t owe spousal support in the event of a breakup. We got in a big fight because my partner wants to have equity in the house because of the housework he does.
I think this is unfair. I know enough divorced couples to know you should always plan for the future. I’m worried about having to sell the house if we break up in order to pay him out. Am I crazy? AITA if I stick to my guns?
EDIT:
A few people are asking why this is even an issue if we aren’t married. In my jurisdiction, if you cohabitate long enough you are considered common law spouses. We are getting to the point where if we break up, he would have a lot of the same rights as he would if we were married.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
East_Parking8340 said:
60% of the housework does not equal half a home. That’s called pulling your weight (except he doesn’t as his financial contribution is close to zero). How utterly ridiculous of him. He’s 36 and a PHD student.
As soon as he moved in he stopped working as much (really bad sign) but I’d bet everything that he doesn’t use that additional time to speed up his PHD. By the time he gets it he’ll be lucky if he’s 40, then what? His resume will be so crappy that he won’t get a high paying job, he’ll just keep on leeching from you.
You have subsidized his life since before he moved in and he just sees you as a money tree. He’s put no cash towards it whatsoever and will not put any money towards it in the future.
You‘d be a complete and utter idiot if you allowed him any type of legal toehold on your property. Frankly, you’d be an absolute dunderhead if you maintain a relationship with such a user. NTA.
Basic-Regret-6263 said:
NTA. Equity for housework is appropriate if it includes giving up your job to birth and raise children, because that's a full-time job which benefits the working partner greatly while greatly damaging the stay-at-home spouse's ability to earn. Equity for living almost rent-free but doing a little more of the cleaning? Lol. GTFO.
Ok-Position7403 said:
NTA even a little! Guessing his PHD is not in economics. 60% of housework in a home you LIVE IN and pay below market rent for does not equal half a house, I won't even address the cooking as I assume he eats too, and you could always cook more or order in if you needed to.
And only after three years? Just, no. You are a smart woman who has your shit together. Do NOT let him jeopardize your future like this. Hate to say it but this is a pretty big red flag you would be foolish to ignore. I'm sorry. I don't think I'd be able to look at him the same way after such a huge character reveal.
TarzanKitty said:
NTA. If he wants equity. He can buy in at 50%. You could hire as housekeeper full time and it will be exponentially cheaper than giving him half a house. Your dude sounds like a scrub.
TarzanKitty said:
NTA. If he wants equity. He can buy in at 50%. You could hire as housekeeper full time and it will be exponentially cheaper than giving him half a house. Your dude sounds like a scrub.
Jenicillin said:
NTA. Don't give him equity. You pay most of the expenses, he does a bit more housework, which evens out.
Tough-Combination-37 said:
NTA. He doesn’t want to contribute fairly obviously. The housework is in lieu of rent. If he wants on title, he ponies up half the down payment and half the monthly mortgage payment. That’s fair.