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Woman refuses to go to church with family for Christmas, suggests they stay elsewhere. AITA?

Woman refuses to go to church with family for Christmas, suggests they stay elsewhere. AITA?

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"AITA for telling my parents I refuse to go to Church with them for Christmas and suggesting that they should stay somewhere else?"

TW: Domestic violence

Trying to keep the history short: I’m previously divorced. Within the first several months of my first marriage, my ex was convicted of domestic violence after hospitalizing me.

He refused any marriage counseling & walked out after 10 months married. It was traumatic for my whole family. After some time (and significant therapy) passed post divorce, I met a wonderful man and we dated for a couple of years. My parents seemingly upset that I was dating in general went out of their way to be rude to him but never offered an explanation.

Last spring, we decided to marry with a short engagement (6 months) because we want to have children together but are close to 40 years old. Before our engagement I started the emotionally taxing process of petitioning The Church for an annulment of my first marriage which to this day is still pending. My parents firmly said I’m not allowed to marry and have to honor my previous vow.

When I said I’d marry anyway, my parents behavior worsened. First they wouldn’t come stay at my house because we are “committing adultery." (They live out of state) Then they scheduled a “conference call” with me and my now husband (who isn’t Catholic) to try to convince him not to marry me.

When that didn’t work, they refused to come to our wedding and publicly asked other members of my family not to attend because I’m “not honoring my previous vows." Almost everyone came anyway, but it was disappointing.

I’ve tried really hard to take the high road, but it’s hard when they continue to act PROUD of what they did, like the boycott was God’s great virtuous work, all while liking and commenting on the wedding photos saying how beautiful I look.

In an effort to mend fences, when my parents asked to stay with us for a week during Christmas I obliged with the understanding that I’m not going to church with them this year.

Shortly after arriving, my mom cornered me at breakfast asking what masses I was going to. I made it clear in a handful of words that I’m not going just like I said a few weeks ago. She looked surprised and said “I didn’t think you were serious."

Out of sheer exasperation, I word vomited honestly that I don’t want attend mass with people who used Faith as a reason rally people against me. And I said I have no interest in aligning myself prayerfully with people who treat domestic violence victims like that. She was taken aback and changed the subject.

My dad cornered me later that day and insisted I needed to apologize for “talking to my mom like that." I said that I answered the question with honesty, and that I refuse to be strong armed now that they were in town to change my stance.

He told me several times that my annulment wouldn’t have been declined if I involved him (boarderline implying that it’s my fault it’s been denied), and then went on to resort to name calling (Fallen Away Catholic) when I still declined to go to Mass.

He ended with sharing that they never would have stayed with me if they knew that I wasn’t going to go to church - I said that if they are uncomfortable they are welcome to stay somewhere else in the future. AITA for not going to church with them? AITA for agreeing the should stay elsewhere?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

ATVig said:

NTA, your parents sound insane. Also, if you’re divorced, and not very religious from what you said, why are you bothering with an annulment? It’s just more stress and work and honestly means nothing in the real world.

SushiGuacDNA said:

NTA. You did everything right. You tried to make peace with them. You let them stay in your house. You warned them ahead of time that you wouldn't be going to church. Everything right. (In my opinion, you wouldn't have been an asshole even if you didn't warn them ahead. Nobody is obligated to go to church. So you were way above the bar.)

Your parents, on the other hand, are abusive assholes. You would be within your rights to cut them off completely. It's definitely reasonable for you to ask them not to stay at your house, given how they are treating you. Good luck.

ZZartin said:

NTA they obviously care more about some arbitrary rules of a cult than their daughter.

wlfwrtr said:

NTA But parents are. Your marriage is okay as long as it benefits them allowing them a free place to stay. They do not have very Christian attitudes. They must have skipped the day that it was said that God will be the judge of sins.

BigBroTKD said:

NTA NTA NTA. Honestly go no contact at this point and drop them from socials because all of this is going to be so much worse when you have a child and they are going to try to guilt trip the hell out of you.

At this point they have shown that they are never going to change their ways of thinking or actions. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Historical_Agent9426 said:

NTA. You need to lower your contact with your parents. You will have children someday and just think of the poison these two will put into their ears.

Everyone unanimously agreed with OP for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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