Woman refuses to go to mom's house for Christmas after she admits her son isn't 'special.' AITA?
"AITA for not going to my mom's house for Christmas because she doesn't consider my son 'special?'"
I have a sister, "Ann," who is two years older than me. Ann is and always has been my mom's favorite. Growing up, my mom got Ann everything she wanted, whether it was new clothes, toys, electronics, her own bedroom (in a one bedroom apartment...
I slept on the floor in the living room with mom), etc. We were poor, so sometimes my mom would borrow money, take out loans, hustle, or play her luck gambling to get her what she wanted. But if I were to ask for anything, I always got hit with the "next time, we don't have the money."
I was also denied certain experiences that my sister got to have. For example, I was not allowed to date or go to friends' houses or even walk to the store by myself. My mom rationalized this by saying she treated us differently because of our personalities, with my sister being the "diva" and me the "quiet" one.
I've come to accept that she loves us differently and have moved on with my life. I now have a son of my own and my sister has two kids as well. For Christmas, we all planned to meet at my mom's house. My mom has also enlisted me to help with preparations, so I've been taking her to the store, setting up decorations, etc.
I was helping her put the final touches on the tree recently and arranging the gifts when I noticed that Ann's kids had a lot more gifts than my son. Specifically, Ann's kids had about 12 gifts a piece, while my son had three. I made a comment about it and she said that since my son is small (he's four) he'll outgrow everything fast, both clothes and toys, so she didn't get him much.
I let it go, but it still bothered me. My sister's kids are 8 and 6, which means they'll grow fast too, making her excuse a bit lame. I ended up asking her about it again, and she admitted that it was because Ann's kids are special.
She said they were her "heart and soul." I felt hurt by that but I thought maybe I was being too sensitive. I talked to my husband about it and he agreed it was hurtful and questioned whether we should go to my mom's for Christmas.
I decided we won't go and called my mom to tell her. She got mad and said I was childish and needed to get over it because all grandmothers have their "picks" when it comes to grandchildren.
She said she still loves my son and thinks I'll be hurting him by not letting him see her on Christmas. She's told Ann about it (and other people, vaguely, over Facebook), and Ann more or less said it's "our problem" and she's going to enjoy Christmas either way.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ZaffiroFighter said:
Oh my GOD, absolutely NTA. Your mother, AND your sister, are cruel. Hold onto your husband and your son for dear life and run from these evil people. Your son doesn’t need a constant reminder that he’s not grandma’s favourite and grandma likes the other grandkids more. You are absolutely NTA. Protect your family and give them the love you never got from your mother.
Practical-Yam1754 said:
NTA. Especially when you explained it to her and allowed her to opportunity to reflect, and she doubled down with worse excuses? You clearly care so much about your little one and want to protect him from the treatment you got growing up.
My dad, unfortunately, was in the same position with his parents. I will never forget how important it was to me that my dad chose our happiness over his mother’s poor treatment of us. Merry Christmas, OP.
SunshineShoulders87 said:
NTA - favoritism is unacceptable. As you unfortunately know very well, it’s hurtful and children are well aware when it’s going on. There are no excuses for it or even “loving people differently” - it’s extremely harmful and you deserved better. I’m so sorry.
justcancelme said:
NTA. If she can choose which grandkids she wants to give gifts and attention to, then your family can choose to enjoy Christmas where you feel loved and appreciated. I find it very unfortunate that Ann didn’t come to your defense.
Anxious-Armadillo565 said:
NTA your mother has her golden child & golden grand-children. That much is blatantly obvious.
Rather than perpetuating that dynamic over an additional generation, going LC to NC with your mother and your sister who fails to see the issue will be better for you and your kid as well.
It’s your job to make sure your child knows it is loved by the people around him, and doesn’t spend his earliest formative years noticing how he’s a second thought at best to his grandmother.
Anxious-Armadillo565 said:
NTA your mother has her golden child & golden grand-children. That much is blatantly obvious. Rather than perpetuating that dynamic over an additional generation, going LC to NC with your mother and your sister who fails to see the issue will be better for you and your kid as well.
It’s your job to make sure your child knows it is loved by the people around him, and doesn’t spend his earliest formative years noticing how he’s a second thought at best to his grandmother.