'AITA for not going on a family trip because I can't bring my fiancé's dog?'
"AITA for not going on a family trip because I can't bring my fiancé's dog?"
My (24F) parents (60M, 48F) planned a mini (3 days) family trip as they do every year. They invited both my fiancé (28M) and my younger brother’s gf. I’ve been dating with my fiancé for over 2 years, but we got engaged just about 3 months ago.
My brother (20M) has been dating his girlfriend since 9th grade, so she’s like family. For my fiancé, that was not the case. He didn’t join any of our previous family trips when we were just dating. This was going to be his first time joining us. I was so excited.
Let me start by saying this; My fiancé's dog is not just a pet. She's a seeing-eye dog. He's fully visually impaired and he NEEDS her. She's not just our pet, but also basically his mobility aid. She's also the sweetest, most calm dog you will ever see.
Long story short, when my mom "found out" we were planning to bring her with us, she got surprised and asked me if we really thought bringing that dog along was a good idea. I said “of course, what else did she think was going to happen?"
Apparently, that was a ridiculous idea. They love her but certainly don't want her on the family trip. I told her I'm sorry, but that's not an option. If she wants us to be there, "that dog" will also be there. Every time we went on a trip with my fiancé, she was always there and never caused an issue.
My mom told me she respects that. We can spend our couple trips however we want, but this is a family trip, and we must respect their wishes. I didn't know what to say to that. The only thing I could say is I'm sorry, but we can't attend if they don't let us bring my fiancé's seeing-eye dog.
Then she got furious, she started calling me names, told me I’m being ungrateful, disrespectful etc. I didn't want to argue with her anymore, so I just hung up the phone.
Then my dad called me to fix things up. He said it's just a 3-day trip, and I could very well “guide” my fiancé if I wanted to. I'm the one making things harder and even if he can't join, I should still come.
This made me lose it completely. I told him if my brother's girlfriend is going to be there, my fiancé should absolutely be there and I'm not making anything harder. They are the ones making this harder, and honestly, this is textbook discrimination.
My dad completely dismissed me, telling me to “shut up” and that if they were bigots, they wouldn't have let me get engaged to him. They always let him bring her to family dinners.
This is the one time they asked for a favor. I should have been more understanding. He said i should be ashamed for making my mom cry when all she wanted was a small trip with both her kids. Now I feel as if I'm a horrible daughter. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
NTA. I don’t know why your fiancé is blind. Doesn’t matter. If it was genetic though. It matters. What of your child is born blind and needs a seeing eye dog? Will the child be denied as well? I’m not a dog person. My husband is allergic. And even we would make sure the dog was welcomed and had everything it needed and then some. Your parents are not good people.
aitafianceo OP responded:
Both of his parents are sighted, but he was born blind. I also worry about what would happen if we ever have a child and they are born blind like him. Would my parents love him as much as they would love a sighted grandchild? I wish I could say “of course they would” but I can’t, and that hurts. This whole thing just worsened my fears.
Own-Kangaroo6931 said:
Started off with reading the title and thinking that you were just another entitled ahole wanting to impose their pet on anyone but NOT, seriously NTA. His guide dog (what we call them in the UK) is literally the equivalent of a wheelchair.
Would your parents insist on your fiancé leaving their wheelchair behind?? Because that's what they're asking. "Oh we don't allow wheelchairs on this trip, but it's fine, just carry your fiancé everywhere."
Even in shopping malls and restaurants with strict no-animal rules, they allow guide dogs. That your parents wouldn't know this is blatant discrimination/ableism. No, you should NOT have to "guide" your fiancé. And what would you do with the service dog in the meanwhile?
Your parents are being ridiculous and I hope you can show them a bunch of posts from here that agree with this. Personally, I'd say you're not going on the trip regardless, just because it's not accessible for your fiancé, but secondly wouldn't go anyway because of their discriminatory attitude.
KittikatB said:
NTA. If this wasn't a service dog, I'd feel differently, but it's completely unreasonable to expect a service animal to be left behind if the person who needs its help is going on a trip.
Sadkawaiitrashcan said:
NTA, your parents are though and I would put them in time out. Your partner needs his seeing-eye dog, and if they can’t seem to understand that simple fact then they can go without you. Stick by your partner, your parents can kick rocks.
lyrical_llama said:
I really don't understand why they don't want the dog there? I'm sure she's well behaved and as a service dog, she won't cause any issues with accomodations. NTA.
waywardjynx said:
NTA. Would they ask a wheelchair user to leave it at home and offer to just carry them? And what is this "allow you to marry him" BS? You are a grown woman who can make her own choices.
omeomi24 said:
NTA - your mother seems to be totally ignorant of what a service dog is. They don't understand your fiance's sight limitations - and honestly they sound like idiots. Do not go on that vacation. They need to education themselves but I wouldn't hold my breath. Take your OWN vacation without the extended family - take the dog and have a great time.