Woman refuses to help husband get ready for work in the morning. AITA?

"AITA for not helping my husband get ready for work in the morning?"

I (25F) have been married to my husband (25M) for 4 years now. We have a child so it limits our schedule a lot.

Here's how our mornings used to go 4 months ago : I would wake up around 6am, get ready and go to work by 645am. Husband would wake up when our 2 year old woke up.

Usually around 645 to 7am, then gets ready and takes child to daycare. It worked for a bit but my husband hated the schedule (Couldn't be helped, I was required to be in at 7am for work).

After some back and forth, I applied for a part time position at work/ basically gave then 2 months heads up that I'm quitting (husband doesnt want me to work anymore and i dont mind because it was his decision that i worked in the first place) and now I'm the one who takes child to daycare and my hours are significantly decreased.

It was great, but husband still woke up same time anyway. Around 630 to 7am. I told him that I am quitting work because he promised to wake up earlier instead of me. I started working out in the mornings too, so I wake up by 6am to workout and then take a shower hopefully before child wakes up.

It took some time but we finally agreed to start waking up 5am together and start our day (husband keeps saying he wants to get up by 5 but he cant if im not getting up). It worked great and honestly I was very happy with it. But apparently my husband doesn't like it??

Today, we woke up at 545am, late because he wanted to sleep in so I'm like fk it, ill sleep in too. Child woke up twice at night and I'm the only one who settles the child at night so I'm tired anyway.

We wake up, he goes to shower and I go to workout. Child wakes up just as I'm done on the treadmill so I got about 20 minutes of workout in.

I hand the child to husband and tell him I'm taking a quick shower. He's pissed. It's 615am. I ask him whats wrong and he goes on a rant that he hoped I would help him get ready.

I'm confused because I don't usually help make breakfast/ lunch for him unless we have nothing prepared in the fridge for lunch (I prep food before or we have leftovers for lunch) or if I want to make something special for breakfast. Plus we woke up late.

So I tell him if he wanted my help, he could have asked. I didn't realize he wanted my help. He gets more worked up and said that he needs to leave earlier and now he's late.

I went to take a shower and reflected on it but I just can't see his side in this. So when I was done and took the child (it's 6:30am) and he's still upset, I ask him why he's upset with me.

He again, says that I should have helped him with breakfast so he could have left earlier. I just told him that if he wants my help, to ask me next time and he left for work in a huff. AITA in this situation? I'm just so confused

Edit to add: I forgot to mention that when he first told me that he hoped I would wake up earlier, he also said that he's upset that I waited until 545 to wake up. That I should have woken up earlier?? I told him that's not fair because I wake up with the child at night.

AND! When I missed out on working out for almost a week because of mental health, he said I was getting lazy so I have no idea what this man wants from me.

Edit 2: IM STILL WORKING EVERYONE. So much confusion, sorry. My last day of work is today and so is my kids last of daycare. He works an office job 40 hours a week and so did I until I went down to part time.

Let's see what readers thought:

faghyu writes:

So Many Red Flags! He decides if you work, he decides if you quit, he decides when you both get up for the day, he decides the morning routine for both of you.... What are YOU deciding?

You're not his mom, but right now you have two babies in that house. You need to decide what YOU want, and you both should come to an agreement about how the day goes, and revisit it every month or so to see how it's working.

flousa writes:

YTA .. your a stay at home mom now...there is no need for him to wake up early cause he is still working and needs his sleep

snurgyu writes:

ESH. If he doesn't need to wake up until 6:30 or 7 to get to work, and you don't need to be at work early anymore, why are you both getting up at 5?

And why does he think he needs help getting ready when he's "slept in" until an hour *before* he would normally get up?

Why is your two year old still regularly not sleeping through the night? Consider asking your daycare to cut down on the daytime naps. It sounds like you're both sleep-deprived and irrational.

agwy writes:

ESH plain and simple. You sound kind of oblivious, and he sounds like he sucks at communicating. Most likely he's wanting help with the baby in the morning, and thought you'd be providing that since you're no longer working as much and he's still working like he was.

There needs to be a discussion to reassess what's expected from the both of you with the new schedules, for example if the baby is in daycare Most of the day and you're only working part-time shifts your workout may need to wait until the baby is dropped off, or alternate schedules depending on the day, etc.

As it stands now, it sounds like he's doing everything to care for the baby in the mornings, then still having to get ready himself while you are just taking a free 2 hours for yourself.

filgnhaty writes:

I would say NTA but honestly I am just confused exactly what the schedule is. I think you summed it up that you just need to communicate better. If you are not working or working less and you have time to help him in the morning then that would be nice. However, like you said you need to know that in advance to plan your day.