Woman refuses to help 'tradwife' sister with her children, 'you chose your life, deal with it.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to help my sister with her children, and telling her she chose her sh$%ty life so now she has to deal with it?"
When my sister (26f) and I (24f) were kids we hated each other. My sister was very hard to get along with, and she never had any friends as a result of this. She’s the type of person who always thinks she’s right, and can never apologize or admit when she’s wrong. As an adult, she still has no friends.
She decided to drink the tradwife Koolaid. She met her husband in college, got pregnant, and dropped out. They have four children under the age of 8 together, and the youngest is a quadriplegic due to spinal damage and a birth defect.
I just finished law school, and I’m starting my career. My husband already has an established career, and we’re DINKS. We don’t intend on having any children. My sister has historically talked down to us at family events. She says we don’t even understand what we’re missing out on, we’ll never know what true and unconditional love is, etc. Very condescending, as always.
Lately her and her husband have been fighting. Apparently, per my mother, he has never let her access his income. He gives her cash for groceries. The bills and stuff have always been in his name.
Apparently he’s been cheating too. My sister has asked for me to watch her kids on the weekends so she can save up money to be able to "evaluate her options.’"AKA leave her husband.
When she came to me and asked this I asked her "But isn’t being a traditional wife your calling? You’ve told us this several times. You must’ve forgotten, but traditional wives aren’t supposed to work."
I kinda laughed at how she explained that maybe being a trad wife isn’t for her after all. Eventually I just shut her down and told her that she picked this life, the life that she has always insisted is so superior to mine. Time to learn to deal with the problems that come with it.
My parents can’t watch her kids because dad is at work on an oil pipeline, and mom is too old to be working the hours she is already working. Our other relatives don’t live close enough to do it. She also asked my parents to move in with them, and my dad shut it down. He can’t really stand her kids. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
AdAccomplished6870 said:
This is the thing about tradwives. When it works, it works. But when it goes wrong, which is not uncommon, one side has all the leverage. Some women get infatuated with the idea of being subordinated and taken care of. But they don't consider what happens when, ten years later, their tradhusband looks for something young and pretty to dominate and they have no money, no job skills, and three kids.
Alternative-Tree4813 said:
NTA for not wanting to watch her kids. Very much TA for being smug about her current situation. You can say no thank you without rubbing the puppy’s nose in her “mess.” You don’t even need to explain why you don’t want to watch her kids, no is reason enough. And be like good luck figuring it out.
Sea_Firefighter_4598 said:
Can definitely see the family resemblance in your reaction. ESH.
Worldly_Sir_8602 said:
ESH, Especially OP. You can decline whatever you want for whatever reason, that isn't the issue. The issue is you lack having any empathy for sister based on the past. The best revenge is show grace and rising above all of the pettiness. Your success would've spoken for itself. All that gets washed away because you was stooping to their level. Especially when she's down.
Had this been your energy since day 1, I could've chucked it up to sibling rivalry gone too far. The fact you needed to wait till she was down to act like this shows you was a coward this whole time.
On top of that you took this out on the kids who had nothing to do with it. You would subject her to be trapped in a bad marriage, by not allowing her to LITERALLY work her way out of it. All because she bragged about having kids? Which you claimed you never wanted. You're worse than your sister.
bowtiesnpopeyes said:
I mean you have 0 obligation to help someone you seem to hate or at the very least dislike based on your post. But YTA in how you talked to her and turned her down. I mean, you know you were the ahole in throwing the traditional wife sh$% in her face. It's aggressive, hardly even passive-aggressive, and petty.
fool_autonomy said:
Haha! She was condescending to you at family events, and now she's experiencing karma by being financially abused, isolated, cheated on, having a disabled child, no friends or income, and being humbled to the point of asking you for your help - even reconsidering her whole identity and decision to focus on being a mum instead of working, in an attempt to escape her situation
What a perfect opportunity to get back at her by telling her what a stupid condescending b she is for choosing all of these things, which are just part of being a dumb tradwife! NTA for not helping. Despite it being super based and cool for kicking her while she is down (yas queen!), I'm gonna say YTA.
AJourneyer said:
Definitely NTA for refusing to "watch the kids'" You and your husband both work and have careers, so it seems your only personal time is weekends. Now, despite not wanting children, she wants you to deal with four kids who aren't yours all weekend every weekend? Hell. No.
I get why some comments say your smugness was inappropriate, but if someone had been put down their entire life by their sibling, with it only escalating when it comes to adult choices and constantly being denigrated then I can understand the smug response. Was it the best response? Maybe not. But I can fully understand it and not judge based on that.
Also, "No" is a complete sentence. And it sounds like your dad might have your back on this one. NTA.