Woman refuses to let fiancé take the cat, 'we've decided to live separately for awhile.' AITA?

"WIBTA for refusing to let my fiancé take our cat when we move?"

My fiancé (28M) and I (26F) have been together for five years, living together for the last 2.5. Our relationship has become an emotional dead zone—we haven’t been affectionate or intimate in a long time, and our home is a complete disaster because, honestly, we just weren’t ready to be on our own.

We’ve both been struggling with our mental health, so we’ve decided to move back in with our parents, live separately for awhile, and work on ourselves while still staying together.

We have two cats: Mocha (2F) and Coffee Bean (1.5M). Coffee Bean is bonded to me, while Mocha is attached to my fiancé. Mocha was my first-ever pet because every animal I had growing up technically belonged to my mom.

Mocha was also my fiancé’s first pet since his parents were allergic. We both love her deeply, but I don’t feel comfortable letting him take her when we move. Here’s why: His mom’s house is filthy, so is his bedroom and the dining room. When his late mother (mom and mother yes) was diagnosed with dementia, his mom had to take care of her and the house has fallen into complete disarray.

She hasn't been able to get it back on track since her passing. His room is the worst of it. He goes over daily to clean, but according to him, the place is knee-deep in garbage, rotting food, spiders, and cockroaches.

Not only does he not think he can get it done by the end of the month when our 30 day notice is up and needs me to hold on to her while he finishes his room, but she won't be able to roam the house freely and will be trapped in his room. I cannot in good conscience send Mocha into that environment.

He gets overwhelmed by Mocha wanting attention. When she wants to play or cuddle at a time he isn’t in the mood, he gets frustrated, yells at her, and brings her to me with her toy.

She’ll run back to him because she loves him, but instead of engaging, he just gets more frustrated. When she begs for food, he goes into meltdown mode instead of just handling it like I do. He has to lock her out of the gaming room to eat sometimes.

Meanwhile, I don’t have this issue with the cats. If they beg, I give them a tiny treat, and they move on. When Coffee Bean gets pushy, I play with him for five minutes, and then he chills. I call him my "naughty snuggle buggle" while throwing his favorite toy, and once he’s gotten his energy out, I can go back to whatever I was doing.

The complication: Technically, both cats are legally mine. Their Banfield memberships and microchips are in my name. I don’t want to hurt my fiancé, and I know he loves Mocha, but I genuinely don’t think she will be safe or happy at his mom’s house. When I brought this up, he got upset, and we had a fight. Would I be the ahole if I refused to let him take Mocha?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

RaccoonRenaissance said:

NTA. Definitely don’t let Mocha go there, but I would be more concerned about your fiancé going to live there.

slinkimalinki said:

NTA. You have given really good reasons why a cat would not be safe with him. You need to do what is best for the cat and we all know what that is. Keep her.

stringrandom said:

NTA. Beyond the probable awful living conditions Mocha could be subjected to with the move, the cats are a bonded pair and it’s a crappy thing to separate them.

here4cmmts said:

NTA. How will the cats react to being separated is the most important question. Their safety in the new place is also important. I would move both cats to a safe place until your finance moves out so he can’t just take mocha with him.

Comntnmama said:

NTA, but your house is a mess cause neither of you are ready to live on your own? You both are in your mud 20s.

MerelyWhelmed1 said:

How do the cats relate to each other? Because I know our cats would freak out if they were suddenly separated. NTA.

meowmix79 said:

NTA, that is not a safe environment for Mocha. Houses like that are a death trap for cats. Do not let your cat go.