Woman refuses to let husband read her diary; 'I would never have told him.' AITA?
"AITAH for being upset my husband refuses to stop reading my diary?"
My husband (28M) reads my (33F) diary. I never gave him permission to do it, but he does it anyways. I’ve always kept a diary since I was a child. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and he’s never expressed any interest in my diary or in me. Our marriage is okay, but I was debating whether to divorce him.
I love him but I didn’t think he loved me in turn. He was beautiful, charismatic, funny, and intelligent but he could also be arrogant and dismissive and I think he’s in love with his best friend.
A few months ago, I was hospitalized. During that time, my husband read my diaries. He never told me he read them but he was much more affectionate with me. One of my friends came up to me a few days ago and said she thinks he read my diary because he knew things that she knew I would never have told him.
I asked him if he read my diary. He shrugged and said yes. I asked him not to read it. He keeps reading my diary. I’m upset that he does. My husband said I shouldn’t be upset because I know he reads my diary but I write in it anyways.
Some friends think my diary should be private but some agree with my husband that I essentially gave him permission by continuing to write a diary knowing he would read it. AITA for being upset?
EDIT:
Writing in my diary keeps me healthy and happy. I’ve written one since I was a child. I have particularities around my diary. I feel as though I shouldn’t need to hide it from my husband and that he should respect my wishes to not read my diary. He’s been able to not read my diary before.
I tried hiding it, but he found it and made jokes about it. I felt like a child. It was humiliating. He knows that I need my diary as it helps me function. I was nonverbal as a child and struggled with selective mutism as a teenager. He finds it amusing that I can’t force him to stop reading it. Thank you all for the suggestions but I can’t go digital or not write a diary, etc.
My husband is naturally likable but not lovable, if that makes sense. He thinks it’s a foregone conclusion that people don’t love him. He thought the same of me. I’ve shown that I love him but he didn’t believe me.
When I was hospitalized, something drove him to see if I really did love him. Even he doesn’t think that I would keep a multi-year diary with lies about love. That and the hospitalization made him confident that I did love him which made him more affectionate towards me. He thinks my diary is cute.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this:
roxywalker said:
He has zero respect for your privacy or your personal feelings. How did he even find it? Diaries should be kept in places that nosy eyes or prying minds shouldn’t have access to. He’s literally invading your personal thoughts, feelings and emotions and then is analyzing you for ways he can manipulate you based in his serious violation of your privacy. How vile.
You are not an A/H and you need to either hide your diary, lock it up or leave it somewhere he would have zero access to it. The fact that you even think you might be wrong proves he’s already manipulated you to the point of questioning your own right to basic privacy which means you have problems even deeper in your relationship that go beyond this one breach of privacy alone.
Savings_Summer2608 said:
Husband- “You know I don’t respect your needs and boundaries, so really it’s your fault." NTA- but your husband 1000% is TA. Put your diary in a lock box if you must. Or switch to a digital one that’s password protected.
SpringfieldMO_Daddy said:
NTA - You might want to talk about boundaries.
LittleBitOff2Day said:
NTA. I remember an AITAH post where a husband was saying that he read his wife's dairy while she was in the hospital and was feeling bad about some things that he read. Now I wonder.
Chrysania83 said:
Not to be dramatic, but this is abusive. You are setting a boundary and he is not only steamrolling over it, he is mocking your attempts to set boundaries. Major red flags here.