Woman REFUSES to let sister use her wedding dress. AITA?

"AITA for refusing to let my sister use my wedding dress?"

I (27F) got married three years ago in a beautiful ceremony that I spent a lot of time and money planning. My wedding dress was custom-made, and I fell in love with it the moment I saw the final version. It’s one of those things I still look at and feel proud of—it holds so many special memories for me.

Fast forward to now: my younger sister (24F) recently got engaged and is planning her wedding. She and I have always been close, but we have different tastes in almost everything. She came over a couple of weeks ago to discuss her wedding plans, and out of nowhere, she asked if she could wear my wedding dress for her big day.

I was honestly caught off guard because it wasn’t something I ever thought about. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable with that because my wedding dress is incredibly sentimental to me, and I had always planned on preserving it. I even said I’d be more than happy to help her find a dress that suited her style, or I could contribute to the cost of a new one if needed.

She didn’t take it well. She got upset, saying I was being selfish and that since I’m already married, it shouldn’t matter to me anymore. She mentioned that since she’s on a tight budget, wearing my dress would help her save a lot of money. I felt terrible, but I stood my ground and told her I wasn’t willing to give it up.

Now, she’s been cold towards me and has even involved our mom, who thinks I’m being unreasonable. She says that I could lend her the dress just for one day and that it wouldn’t hurt me to share it with family. I don’t know if I’m being overly attached or if my feelings are valid here. I’ve tried explaining my side, but they don’t seem to get it.

AITA for refusing to let her use my wedding dress? Should I just lend it to her to keep the peace?

ghayu writes:

All these stories have me resolved to say “let me think about it” when someone asks me a question like this one day and then just proceed to forget about it until they ask again to which I will say “oh I totally forgot, let me think about it!” Repeat until they go away.

NTA. It is YOUR dress and YOU decide who wears it. Wedding dresses are incredibly sentimental. My mom loved the shit out of hers even though she ended up divorced! Yours is also CUSTOM and is she expecting alterations so it can fit her? That means it is no longer custom for you it will be custom made for her.

If you would rather have it sealed and boxed up so you can give it to a future daughter or daughter in law, I say just go ahead and do that now so then you know its safe with a built in excuse for the future.

aghanhtu writes:

NTA. Look, you are allowed to have treasured items in your life. Everyone is. Keepsakes that mark special moments in your life that are fundamentally yours.

She is disappointed, no doubt, but I’m guessing so are you that she didn’t accept your answer gracefully?

It’s such a big thing to ask. I doubt I ever would ask such a thing from anyone other than my mother, surely she can’t be completely surprised you declined?

Is she considering your wedding dress only in financial terms? Perhaps because she is measuring its value to herself in terms of what it is saving her financially rather than looking at the whole picture- it’s actual critical value to you in what it represents which far exceeds it’s financial value.

Perhaps that’s a place to start a discussion with her? Anyway, sorry this is happening, best of luck.

aghasy writes:

Your feelings are completely valid. Wedding dresses, especially custom-made ones, carry a lot of sentimental value, and it’s understandable that you want to preserve yours.

While it’s great that your sister is trying to save money, it doesn’t mean you have to compromise something so personal and meaningful to you. Offering to help her find a dress or even contribute to the cost was a generous and thoughtful alternative.

Your sister's reaction, and your mum’s support of her, may stem from frustration around wedding planning stress, but that doesn’t mean you are in the wrong. It's important to maintain boundaries around something that holds significant emotional value for you.

In terms of keeping the peace, lending the dress could create resentment if it doesn't align with your feelings. It's essential to communicate that this isn't about being selfish but about preserving something deeply sentimental.

If they still don’t understand, it’s okay to stick to your decision because compromising your emotional attachment to make others happy might leave you feeling regretful.

aghdyu writes:

NTA. What in the world is up with these brides-to-be: Asking a sibling/relative/future in law to "borrow" the person's wedding dress with complete confidence of the person saying yes...

And then when the person says no, which they have every right to do, the bride throws a massive tantrum, calling them selfish and everything else under the sun THEN..

Getting others involved who attack the unwilling lender telling them "it's just a dress" and to do it to "keep the peace"

I've seen scenarios like this so much and it blows my damn mind how entitled people act in regards to the property of others. It's so ridiculous.

OP, please don't feel guilty or let anyone tell you that you're the bad guy here. I seriously question if your sister is even mature enough to get married. Clearly she isn't financially ready if she can't figure out how to budget properly.

You made her a perfectly reasonable and kind offer and her response was to throw a fit like a 5 year old who didn't get the last cupcake and to tell on you. She needs to get a grip and your mother needs to stop enabling her.

I would definitely make sure your dress is well hidden somewhere with someone you trust that your sister can't get her hands on it (your in-laws place maybe?) just until after the wedding. (If it happens!)

Sorry you're dealing with such a silly drama. Sending hugs and I hope things work out for you.