Woman refuses to look after 23-year-old sister, 'she's ALWAYS been mother's favorite.' AITA?
"WIBTA for telling my mother that I won’t look after HER other child for the rest of my life?"
So I (21F) have one sister (23F), for the sake of the story we’ll call Amy, whom I love dearly but despite being older, has a lot less life experience than I do. She’s never had a job, I’ve been working since I was 15, she stays inside playing video games all day, I make an effort to be social, she still lives with our parents, I moved out as soon as I could.
Amy’s always been mother’s favorite, our mother has narcissistic tendencies and while Amy cradles her, I have a habit of sticking up for myself which obviously mother dearest didn’t like.
Anyway, our grandmother passed away recently and my mother decided that I was to move in her house and pay the rates and the bills while they sell there’s and go live the “van” lifestyle for a while (this story would be 10x longer if I got into all that so I won’t) and that my sister would come live with me when they’re ready to go.
The issue isn’t her living there, I do love Amy and we’ve gotten along as adults the issue is they’re building her a 10 grand art studio in the yard, let her pick the room in the house she wanted, along with everything else of our grandmothers, it didn’t matter how much it meant to me if she wanted it; she got it and all because “they want her to be happy."
Except I’m paying the bills, and the rates, and getting nothing but what she lets me have. There’s also the fact that I don’t want to live in this town forever, or take care of my sister forever. I need to be able to have my own life but our parent expect me to just…take care of their kid because they don’t want to anymore? And she can’t take care of ourselves because she’s never bothered to get a job or go to university?
I understand that my parent want their own lives too but they’re the ones who chose to have kids not me. In my eyes if you choose to be a parent it’s a life long commitment even if the kids are adults sometimes things happen and you have to be prepared to look after them. Or at the very least they should be telling Amy she has to look after herself.
I brought up the finance issues and they just said they’d put a trust in Amy’s name to help with the house, which is fine I guess but they’re still just spoiling her and not urging her to do something with her life.
Amy makes a little money through art commissions but not enough to live and has some mental health issues that affect things, but I do too and I’m still trying to figure life out. I just don’t know what to do so, would I be the ahole for telling my mother I won’t take care of my sister forever?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Intelligent_Arm_9241 said:
Don't move in. Don't pay the bills. NTA.
PuddlesDown said:
NTA. They are being completely unreasonable. Time to stand up for yourself and demand your fair share.
Zorbie said:
NTA. This isn't your responsibility, your parents are using you as a free caretaker, only in this cash you're paying to work for them. Get out of there as soon as you can, whatever commitment you have to paying the bills, make sure you can leave without that following you, maybe even ask a lawyer.
Key_Draft4255 said:
Don’t do it. This is not healthy. Don’t submit to your parents guilt and shaming. Why aren’t you entitled to the same level of care? Refuse to move into grandmas house. If you are already in it, move out and find your own apartment. Your parents can rent out the house.
Not your problem! You need to take care of you and focus on you because your parents never will. Do not feel guilty. Do not engage in long drawn out conversations with them. Learn how to Grey Rock. Put yourself first. You deserve this. Invest in therapy. NTA.
Fun-Yellow-6576 said:
NTA. Don’t move into the house. Tell them both the house and AMY are their problem.
Wise_Session_5370 said:
NTA. It would a huge mistake for you to move into that house. You would be much better off focusing on your career and buying yourself a starter home to get onto the property ladder. Because you know where the inheritance is going, don't you?