Woman REFUSES to participate in aunt's 'weight' ritual; 'This is SICK.' AITA?

When this woman feels humiliated by her aunt's 'weighing' ritual, she asks the internet:

'AITA for not wanting to get weighed with the rest of my family?'

Main characters in this story are me (27F)and my aunt (50F). My aunt is obsessed with the British royal family, and she read some tabloid article saying the royals have a Christmas tradition where everyone gets weighed when they arrive at the palace, and then weighed again after dinner, and whoever gained the most weight 'wins' because it means they had the best time.

It's my aunt's 50th birthday next week, and she and her husband are having a massive summer garden party to celebrate.

My aunt decided that she wants to take the opportunity to emulate the royals, so she's sent a big WhatsApp to all the guests saying that we'll need to step on a scale at the front door when we arrive, and then again on our way out, and then whoever gains the most will be announced and get some cake to take home as a prize.

I've struggled with an eating disorder for over a decade. This something that most people in my family are aware of, because I was hospitalised 2 years ago. I'm in recovery now but I can barely handle weighing myself on my own, much less in front of anyone else.

I messaged my aunt privately letting her know that I wouldn't be doing the weighing thing. She didn't reply, but instead called my mom... So then my mom called me, and basically said she understood my perspective but that it shouldn't 'kill me' to just 'suck it up and not cause any drama.'

Apparently my aunt argued that it would look weird if one person didn't participate, because her plan is to have a whiteboard set up in the hallway where everyone's weights will be recorded and she doesn't want people to notice that I wouldn't be included.

My mom also pointed out that it might cause more gossip about my weight (and past hospitalisation) if I came to the party and refused to participate. So now I'm also stressed about that, plus I can imagine my aunt complaining to everyone at the party about me, and I feel like having a complete panic attack whenever I think about it.

I messaged my aunt saying I wouldn't be attending the party, which only caused her to become even angrier and now she's venting to everyone in the family that I'm a selfish drama queen.

My mom is on my side and says she won't push me to go, but I can tell she's upset because she hates it when there's any drama in the family, especially between her and her sister. So now I just feel really guilty that my stupid body issues have caused all this fighting. AITA for not just dealing with it and getting weighed like everyone else?

Let's see what internet users had to say.

lloglbock writes:

NTA. Your aunt is a MAJOR AH. Her little 'game' is horrible. I can't even get into all of the ways it's horrible (I struggle with my own eating disorders). But she should not be doing this.

If she just CAAAAN'T not do it, it should absolutely be optional. BTW, please tell your mom from me that yeah, that kind of game actually CAN kill you. In no way should you be expected to 'suck it up' and risk your health. Again.

If your mom is on your side, she needs to go to bat for you. Your aunt owes you a big apology (don't hold your breath). Honestly, this is no different than if they were trying to insist that a diabetic can participate in a candy-eating contest. She's willing to risk your health and wellbeing for a game, so that SHE doesn't 'look bad'.

PLEASE try to let go of your guilt. You did a brave and difficult thing, standing up for yourself and your health, and that is important. In an ideal world, our loved ones would 'get it' immediately, but even when they don't, this is your health. No 'game' is worth risking it.

seafgu78 writes:

NTA. Please don’t allow your aunt’s narcissism to effect your self esteem. You have done nothing wrong. If she is running around complaining she is the one that will look bad. It has been said that an invitation is not a summons.

I would not go to her party and I would go no contact with her. She doesn’t deserve you in her life and you definitely don’t deserve her drama. Your mother will just have to deal with her. In fact, I wish your mother wouldn’t attend in support of you.

arescngoot writes:

NTA. Don't go. I refuse to even have a scale in my house bc of how quickly weight can become an obsession. Your aunt is being super invasive to EVERYONE, even those who don't have an experience with ED - weight is such a charged subject in today's societies. Please keep yourself safe!

flouaaa writes:

What stands out to me is you say your Mom is on your side but yet all of her actions point to her not being on your side.

What she should have done was tell your aunt that you will not be participating and that her wants don't matter more then your health, end of discussion. Not expect you to people please over something that literally sent you to the hospital.

I'm sorry that you are deal with your Aunts complete lack of compassion and frankly narcissistic behavior. NTA and frankly don't attend the party and let everyone know why. You should feel ashamed or be shamed for putting your own health and well-being over someone's unreasonable request.

Who cares about the drama, the one who looks like the selfish drama queen is your Aunt not you.

flan3 writes:

NTA and I wouldn’t be copying anything the Royal family do. If I was you I would send a message to the family group chat and explain how you have had issues with ED before and you don’t want to participate in the weigh in but this has upset your Aunt so you have decided not to attend which seems to have upset her more.

Am I the only one who isn’t comfortable having my weight displayed and judged by everyone? And see what response you get. I have never had issues with ED and I most certainly wouldn’t be taking part!!!!