Woman refuses to pay boyfriend's dog's vet bills, 'he's ALWAYS broke.' AITA? 'I could afford it.'
"AITA for refusing to pay for my boyfriend’s dog’s vet bills when he’s always broke?"
So, I (23F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for a little over two years. He has a dog, Buster, who I absolutely love, but the thing is…my boyfriend is terrible with money. Like, the kind of guy who gets paid and immediately spends half his paycheck on games, random collectibles, eating out, and whatever new hobby he’s fixated on that month.
Then, by the middle of the month, he’s suddenly broke and "so stressed" about bills. Anyway, last week, Buster got really sick and needed urgent vet care, which ended up costing a few hundred dollars. My boyfriend called me, panicking, saying he didn’t have enough and asking if I could help.
And yeah, I could afford it, but honestly, I was so frustrated because this isn’t even the first time he’s been in a financial crisis over something he should have planned for. I told him I love Buster, but this was his responsibility, and he should have set aside emergency savings instead of constantly blowing money on nonsense.
That’s when he hit me with, "So you’d just let Buster suffer?" Like… no?? But also, why is this suddenly my problem? I suggested he ask his family or, idk, maybe not act like I’m an ATM, and he got all huffy and passive aggressive about it. Now he’s been distant, and some of our mutual friends are saying I was heartless for not helping when I clearly had the money.
I feel guilty because I do love that dog, and I get that emergencies happen, but at the same time, I’m not his financial safety net, especially when he constantly refuses to be responsible with his own money. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Neurismus said:
NTA, but does this relationship have future? If he is like that with 27, hard to imagine him changing anytime soon...
UnhappyCryptographer said:
NTA if you have pets you are responsible for them. We have three cats and put around 60 dollars per month aside for yearly vet visits and emergencies. That's what a responsible owner does.
Your BF shouldn't have a dog at. He isn't financial mature. He could easily sell some of his collectibles and voilà! There's money for the vet bill. But he doesn't even think about this because his material things are more important than his dog.
Ready-Cucumber-8922 said:
NTA, his dog is his responsibility, he should have pet insurance or some fund to pay vet bills, that's just part of being a responsible pet owner. That being said, maybe this wasn't the best time to try to teach him this lesson. The dog is a living, breathing creature and is innocent in all this. What happened in the end? How was he able to afford the vet bills? And what would have happened if he hadn't?
It sounds like he has had multiple financial emergencies and you talk about him treating you like an ATM, so this isn't the first time he's come to you for money. I get that it's frustrating but literally any other time would have been better than when his dog is sick, it makes you look bad too and he's not going to be in the best frame of mind to hear your lesson on fiscal responsibilities. He's going to resent you for this.
If he blew a load of money on takeaway then came to you at the end of the month for grocery money, that's a perfect teaching moment, he can go hungry or live on ramen for a few days.
You should probably break up, you mention that you love his dog 3 times and never once even say you like him. You don't mention trying to have a mature discussion about finances in the past before you went for the nuclear option either.
emptydragonsevrywhr said:
NTA. I, personally, would likely have paid for the dog's care then dumped the BF but I'm a sucker for animals. Its his responsibility to have a plan to pay for his pets and to just learn to budget in general. If he can't do that, he shouldn't have a pet at minimum. Hopefully this will be his wakeup call, but it sounds like he'd rather blame you than take responsibility.
InterviewGlum9263 said:
NTA. HE is the one that is letting Buster suffer. He should take responsibility to the commitment he's made by owning a dog.
MSRegiB said:
NTA but I can see how others would think that this is not the hill to die on to prove your point that he should be more responsible. The sympathy of children & animals always tug at the heartstrings of others & make you look bad.
This might not have been possible for your living situation, job responsibilities & lifestyle, but since you love the dog also I think the deal I would have made with him would have been, if you pay the vet bill, the dog will then be yours since he is not responsible enough to take care of a dog.
The second part of the agreement would be that the two of you would no longer be in a relationship. If you feel the two of you can have a platonic relationship for the dog that would be a good set up but I think you should take his dog & tell him goodbye.