Woman refuses to pay to replace her friend's coat, 'I donated it.' AITA? 'It was her own fault.' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to pay for a coat I chucked because it was left at my house for months?"

I (22 female) and my friend (20 female) who we will call belle for this story. We had been on the rocks with out friendship for awhile, neither of us bothered to see each other much since she stayed with me after being kicked out of her flat.

A couple days ago we had a huge argument about the way I spoke to her. (This was on text chat and I have autism so that type of thing is confusing for me. She knew this.)

I tried to explain and defend myself but she victimized herself (as always) started to say I never bother with her and she's the only one who makes effort. I said I only check in once in awhile since her boyfriend doesn't like her at my house anymore due to him liking being around my brother.

(She had a thing with my brother out of spite when we had an argument.) and she got really upset and angry, calling me names, saying I was useless then blocked me before I could've replied.

Fast forwarding to today. She texted me again. "I left my coat at yours and I'd like it back." By this point, I gutted my entire bedroom and me and belle have a very different size in weight. I thought it was one of my old coats considering it was in the back of my wardrobe (it had been there for over half a year.)

So I chucked it in a charity bag with a lot of other clothes taking them to a women's aid. I told her that her coat was gone and that I had donated it. She got MAD and started to demand I pay her back for the coat.

I refused as in my head, leaving something you apparently care about so much at someone else's house for almost 7 months despite being told to pick it up. You no longer want that coat, I had forgotten it was hers and I told her that it was her own fault for not listening and picking up her bits. so AITA in this situation?

Later, OP provided an update:

After everything that had happened over the coat I had taken yours and my family's advice. She was blocked. It had been completely silent. until today when she decided to show up at my door. I didn't open my door to her as with belle can be quite violent when she gets frustrated to a certain point. And I didn't really wanna open the door as I'm not a fan of confrontation.

So I spoke to her out of the window. It way have seen demeaning or belittling from her perspective but I wasn't about to be knuckled sandwiched for a coat. That's gone. Nothing I can do now, I've donated it. But she came to my door demanding i pay for the coat or she was going to call the police for theft if I didn't give it back or pay her for it.

I told her I wasn't going to pay her anything and that if she wanted the money so badly i wanted approx $1330 in storage fees (where I live it's approx $190 a month.) and a full months rent for when she stayed with me when she got kicked out and that I wanted the money back that she borrowed so she could buy new clothes/underwear as they didn't leave her with much after she had to pay.

(She didn't have much of anything before that anyway.). Roughly all together it would have been over approx $2,000. She then started to bang on my door repeatedly name call me. she said that I was a coward for not coming to the door.

I said that's because she's acting like a child and closed my window. She continued to scream and shout at me banging on my door. I stayed inside and she eventually wore herself out. I was crapping it the whole time thinking she'd break my window. --but WIBTA if I call the police if she comes back? AITA for how I spoke to her?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Majestic_Shoe5175 said:

So she was told to pick it up multiple times but you also forgot it was hers so donated it? That’s a bit confusing. If it was an expensive coat I’d be peeved to if someone chucked it.

But I also am only going to hold on to someone’s stuff for a limited time (I don’t like clutter) I’ll tell you a few times to come get it and then I’ll say hey if you don’t come get this I’m donating it. That usually works. Soooo even though I think you may have intentionally or subconsciously got rid of it on purpose I’m still gonna say NTA.

KnivesandKittens said:

NTA. I once asked a police officer about some things left at my place. He said 30 days and it is your to keep, sell, donate or whatever. This is NOT legal advice, just what was told to me.

simulacrum79 said:

ESH. So you asked her multiple times about her coat and then all of a sudden you don’t remember what that same coat looks like and you throw it out? It sounds way more plausible that you were being spiteful and you threw out the coat. You clearly don’t like her. Be honest to yourself and just let this friendship die off. It will be better for the both of you.

Extreme_Ad1238 said:

NTA. She should've gotten it before blocking you.

nervousandweird said:

NTA if you genuinely thought the coat was an old one of yours and donated it based off that assumption. 7 months is plenty of time for her to figure out how to get her things out of your home, and if she had a special attachment to the garment then it’s only sensible that she would have made an effort to get it back.

However if you aren’t being honest, and knew for a fact that the coat belonged to her, then you would be TA for donating it without giving her any notice beforehand.

Spare_Necessary_810 said:

YTA/ESH It sounds a very messy, juvenile sort of relationship between you and Belle, and one which has probably run its course. But I don’t really believe ( sorry) that you didn’t know it was not your coat, or that it actually was hers. I can see that you were cross and fed up with her, probably for good reasons, and you thought "ah eff it, it can go."

Fickle_Toe1724 said:

NTA. My home is not a storage space for anyone. 3 months, and it's gone.